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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Birthday Driveby & feeling left out

75 replies

NewHorizons2020 · 02/05/2020 11:34

It’s my Daughters classmate / one of her friends birthdays today. One of the other mums is organising a birthday drive-by. All the other mums / kids arevjoining in. A lovely lovely idea - only - it was my daughters birthday a few days into lockdown and she didnt get any calls or cards. Because there was so much uncertainty at the time / birthday drive-bys hadnt became a “thing“, I didnt think to organise anything and explained her friends forgetting her birthday due to all the early lockdown madness. Ive promised herva big party once lock down is over. It was fine at the time. However - what do i do now ? Do i tell her about todays drive by or not ? If i do she will understandably feel really left out / if i dont and she finds out through her friends online she will equally feel left out.

Just adding here that she was really upset at the time that only one of her friends had remembered to say happy birthday on the day.

OP posts:

Mrsjayy · 02/05/2020 12:51

It is a social media thing really isn't it? And an unnecessary.journey imo,tell her and do it if you want I don't think you should get into the they like "friend". Better than you idea just brush it off as one of those things and organise her party like you said you would do.

Witchend · 02/05/2020 12:57

Her reaction will depend mostly on how you approach it.

"Some people are doing a drive past for A's birthday. We must think about how we'll celebrate your birthday when this is over. What do you think? Would you like a sleepover?"

"I know you're going to feel so upset that no one did it for you, but A is asking people to drive by and sing happy birthday. I didn't want you to find out and feel left out because no one did it for you, and I know it's unfair..."

Focus on the positive what you can do afterwards for the birthday, rather than the negative that no one did it for her. At 10yo, she will understand totally that a few days into lockdown is different than now, so if she did bring it up you just remind her of that.

Apple1029 · 02/05/2020 12:58

This is just getting stupidly out of control. Why should your daughter get upset? You didn't think of it at the time so she didnt miss anything.

70isaLimitNotaTarget · 02/05/2020 13:00

I have no idea what a Birthday Drive By is (thankfully) but have they poached the idea after Captain Tom had his 100th ?
No matter what views anyone has on that , he was well deserved of the attention after his amazing efforts and he seemed absolutely gobsmacked by the planes not flying "in anger" .

But Birthday Drive By ? Does the Birthday Girl/Boy get driven by the parents round the streets or does everyone else jump in their cars and drive down the Birthday Street ?

I don't know if you should tell your DD , will she find out anyway ?
Hopefully she'll have the same answer as my 20yo DS

"What a dick, breaking Lockdown for that "

Dozer · 02/05/2020 13:02

It’s not a “lovely idea”, it’s just wankery.

OneandTwenty · 02/05/2020 13:04

Most of the countries is doing unnecessary things, buying unnecessary items, no need for the virtue signalling. They are allowed to now, you CAN drive to your chosen place of exercise... People can argue they drive on their way to essential shopping or exercise..

Tell her, you can't go back, but she can join for others.

We have made big efforts to visit and drop cards and presents to all the school friends who had birthdays (we, as in most of the school parents). It's nice to cheer up people.

Your daughter will have a party later,

Spamellahamella · 02/05/2020 13:05

Tell her and just say it's a new thing. It didn't exist when it was her birthday so it's not like she wasn't forgotten. Or get on to all the parents and ask if they could do another one in a couple of days for your daughter too.

Sparklingbrook · 02/05/2020 13:05

I think it's just upsetting. Here are all your friends driving by but you can't see them properly. Do they chuck presents put of the car window?
I think this is where Zoom is a better idea.

Mrsjayy · 02/05/2020 13:06

I saw one on Facebook a guy With Downs Syndrome his family drove round his cul-de-sac for his 30th but all I could think was non essential. Journey .

MagnoliaJustice · 02/05/2020 13:06

Tell your daughter about the drive by, and then immediately ask her what she wants to do to celebrate her belated birthday once lockdown is over.

Quartz2208 · 02/05/2020 13:06

Since the start of lockdown its been common here for the birthday child to walk around a few houses and social distance and say hello at the end of the drive (small community easy to walk) but each time the parent has organised like a party

Just say that the friends mum has organised it and you will organise something when this is over

Is this you feeling left out and putting it onto your daughter

justasking111 · 02/05/2020 13:09

Like the queen does normally, have a big party/bbq for the children next year. Before then if we get to see family be glad.

2Rebecca · 02/05/2020 13:13

Non essential journey. No wonder there are more cars on the road. Having friends phone each other or do an age appropriate online video chat ( no longer have school age kids) makes more sense.

bloodyhellsbellsx · 02/05/2020 13:13

If she is upset I would imagine it’s going to be with you for not organising something similar for her, I would just say you’re sorry but it was a new and scary time but now things have settled down so that’s why Amy’s mum has been able to arrange this for her but you’ll make it up to her as soon as you can.

Gwenhwyfar · 02/05/2020 13:16

"If they get stopped by the police good luck to them explaining that one. "

Unless they're totally stupid they'll say they're on their way to the supermarket or another necessary journey.

Sparklingbrook · 02/05/2020 13:19

I was imaging a stream of very slow moving cars with ten year old children in which is a bit more difficult to explain.
What with the one person per trolley rule.

whatdoyoudonow · 02/05/2020 13:22

You could tell your DD that Birthday drive bys are not essential travel and you (and a million others) don't agree they're a good thing (insert reasons why).

Booboodisney · 02/05/2020 13:25

There’s loads of similar things happening on Instagram but they’re mostly in America where I feel lockdown is basically not a thing? I saw one where all the teachers from a gymnastics gym I follow drove past their gymnasts houses in a convoy - must have taken all day.

Sparklingbrook · 02/05/2020 13:27

I know I am not ten years old but i would die of cringe if this happens for my birthday.

ThrowbackMagic · 02/05/2020 13:27

I think it started in Ireland with a young girl’s friends surprising her on her birthday a few weeks into lockdown. They threw gifts onto the drive. It looked like a very sweet gesture from her friends to make her birthday special under weird circumstances.

I agree with PPs who suggest framing it in an upbeat, positive way - x is doing this if you want to join, hey let’s have a think about what to do for your birthday.

ClutterbuckFarm · 02/05/2020 13:33

Can someone please explain what on earth a birthday drive by is ? Do a bunch of cars just drive past the birthday girl’s house ? What’s the supposed benefit ?

ClutterbuckFarm · 02/05/2020 13:34

Ah just seen Throwback’s post above.

CJsGoldfish · 02/05/2020 13:34

She'll take her cues from you and you seem to be making a bigger deal of this than necessary. No need.

Participate, or don't participate but it isn't about your daughter and you needn't make it so

RandomSelection · 02/05/2020 13:42

She's 10, not 2. I'd say something along the lines of "Oh my giddy aunt, have you seen what so-and-so is organising for friend so-and-so's birthday?! How irresponsible is that? That's not an essential journey is it?! Do you think friend so-and-so is really going to like standing at her window watching people randomly driving by waving?! What an odd thing to do, doesn't sound much fun to me!! But whilst we are talking about birthdays, what do you fancy doing to properly celebrate yours when the lockdown is over? Do you still fancy that sleepover / cinema / Pizza Hut trip?"

Speekachu · 02/05/2020 13:42

Aaaah, OP - it's just one year.
Be thankful you don't have an August born child....they get forgotten about every year.

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