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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Emigrate after all this...

87 replies

Fruitbatdancer · 02/05/2020 00:42

I’ve always wanted to live abroad, sunshine really effects my mood (in a good way) France, Spain, maybe further South America etc
The one and only thing holding me back (husband is super keen) is worry of missing family.
Don’t get me wrong I’m missing them like mad now, but it doable, in coping, so it’s made me think what’s stopping us? We’d probably spend more quality time as they’d visit often?
AIBU? Crazy? Has lockdown just messed with my head?

OP posts:
NewtonPulsifer · 02/05/2020 00:50

Go for it! Lockdown has focused our attention on our family abroad and at home, and how some things we thought were important actually aren’t, and other things we thought we couldn’t change, we can. It will be different, but if you can manage to relocate it will also be a fantastic adventure.

BlackForestCake · 02/05/2020 00:55

You think people are going to travel to South America "often"?

Even if you were in Spain you'd probably see them once or twice a year, if that. People have their own lives and limited holiday time and funds.

If you're the type of family who live in each other's pockets you will have to get used to that not being the case any more.

june2007 · 02/05/2020 00:56

YANBU however. sometimes the grass can seem greener when it really isn,t. It,s not as easy to get a place in spai as it was say10 years ago. Do you speak the languages? Are you elligable to live there? Worth looking inot if it,s really what you want.

banana64 · 02/05/2020 00:59

If it gets you out of the uk then go for it.
Uk well England is heading for third world status. No more than they deserve. Absolute dump. Get out if you can.

whynotchangemore · 02/05/2020 01:00

I'd be exploring it 100% if you both want to, what if anything this time has shown us what's out there. grab life by the balls.

Cordial11 · 02/05/2020 01:02

We emigrated 2 years ago this December to Aus... thankfully chose the right time and got settled before all of this is permanent jobs, visas all through etc.

Honestly, missing family and friends is the only downfall. It's so so hard and sometimes seeing/ speaking with them makes it harder. You miss out on daily things, birthdays, gatherings, even a good friends wedding next year but, it sacrifice worth it for us. We have a lovely life with lot's to do , minutes from beautiful beach. Pool in our garden. It really is a different life.

nymrgn · 02/05/2020 01:03

I know this is a lot further away, but what about Australia? As far as missing your family I think it depends if you'll be able to travel to see them or have them travel to see you. There's always face time!

ArthurandJessie · 02/05/2020 01:04

We emigrated and we do miss family but so easy to keep in touch these days whattsapp call my sister nearly everyday ! It doesn't have to be forever go see if you like it if you don't come home ! :)

greenlynx · 02/05/2020 01:06

I would say it very much depends on how old are you, how good are your job prospects, how old are your family members and do you have any siblings who will stay in UK and would be able to look after your parents. Caring responsibilities are the most difficult part in my own and friends’ experience (not from U.K. originally)
It’s interesting that you are thinking about possible visits at the current situation because it’s exactly what I won’t be able to do this summer unfortunately - to visit my family.

AnPo · 02/05/2020 01:12

If you want to go and don't have much to lose (financially) then give it a try! I've lived in various places and it's nearly always worth the experience. It's exciting going to a new place.

But in regards to your family YANBU it's pretty much the only reason I moved back home. We had been in Australia for four years and we loved it but it's just too bloody far away. There was a death in my family and it changed everything for me. It was a case of, yeah we have nice "things" and a nice lifestyle but who gives a shit if we don't have the people we love. Sorry that's really doom and gloom! That's just what it was like for me, up until that point I'd had the time of my life and will always have very fond memories.

alwayscrashinginthesamecar1 · 02/05/2020 01:25

We emigrated 7 years ago and it was the best decision for us, our life here is much better than it was before. But as others have said, we miss family. My husband found out in January his little sister has a very life limiting illness (not Covid). We were planning a trip back to see her, now he is facing the possibility he may not see her again. So, even the best decisions have consequences.

chipsandpeas · 02/05/2020 01:27

grass can always be greener

Lifeaback · 02/05/2020 01:29

My advice (as someone who has lived in multiple different countries) is absolutely go for it- if you’re qualified enough to get a good paying job in whatever country you want to live in. My best experience was 3 years in New York on a good salary which meant I could afford a comfortable life style and trips home to spend quality time with family. You are definitely right in saying the time you would spend would be of higher quality- you really make the most of it when you only have a few short visits a year, everyone is in better spirits etc. How often do you see your family now? Even when I’m living in England I’ve always lived in different cities to my family so am used to spending occasional weekends with them rather than spending time with them weekly, which definitely helped the transition to living abroad.

My hardest experience was living in South America for nearly two years earning next to no money. I will never forget the feeling of being sick in hospital worrying about how I was going to foot the bill, and wanting nothing more than a hug from my mum who was nearly 6 thousand miles across the world.

I’m happily settled in England with a family now. I would love to emigrate to Aus- I did a year working there in my early twenties and loved the lifestyle and would love for my kids to grow up in the sunshine with a proper outdoorsy life. But I would also like them to grow up with a close relationship with their grandparents etc and unfortunately in this situation I can’t have both.

Completely relate to your longing to live somewhere sunny- I spend lots of time dreaming about my retirement spent somewhere along the Italian coast soaking up the sunshine as like you my mood is really impacted by the weather

JingsMahBucket · 02/05/2020 01:32

Definitely go for it and try it out for two or three years. If you have the job skills to get a good paying job but still live cheaply as a local, I’d take the chance, save money and pay off any debt.

DamnYankee · 02/05/2020 01:57

YANBU
Why not research where you want to go...how you'd get there...look at properties online?
Positively focusing on the future and then using your brain to create a game plan is good for everybody's brain right now!

FortunesFave · 02/05/2020 02:03

We emigrated to Oz 4 years ago. I was 44 and DH 43....the kids were 7 and 10.

Best thing we've ever done.

I do relate to worrying about family but one of the things that made me move was that we never really had any support from my family. They're lovely and I love them but all super busy, no regular family meet ups or anything.

It made me quite sad.

DH's family are here in Oz....they're Aussie. They're very involved.

I won't lie....it's hard for expats with no family here. All the Brits I know who came with no connections, do struggle at Christmas etc.

Pelleas · 02/05/2020 02:31

Don't bother - it'll be shit everywhere. (sad)

EagleSqueak · 02/05/2020 02:44

Missing family is something that affects everyone who moves overseas. We’re on our third time in Australia and I’d say that it’s easier now our children have grown up. It’s hard at the moment, knowing that my parents are in the UK and fairly vulnerable and it would be difficult getting there if I needed to, but on the whole I don’t have the guilt I used to have, having the grandchildren on the other side of the world!
I go back to the UK twice a year (usually!) and that helps a lot. I love going over to see everyone, but I’m always so grateful to come back here to my sunnier more relaxed life! The UK has changed so much over the past 20 years (since our first stint here) and I can’t see us ever going back to live there again.
Try to factor in how much you’ll need to earn to pay for trips home and how much leave you’ll need, because as much as people say they’ll visit, very often they don’t. Obviously, it’s much easier if you’re only in Europe, but if you’re considering South America, the distances involved make trips back more tricky and expensive, as well as maybe using all your holiday time back with family. At least if you’re in Europe you can pop over for a long weekend.
If you do decide to do it, make sure you get involved in the community you move to - it makes settling and missing people much less overwhelming. There are so many expat groups in every country and they’re a good way of meeting people who know exactly how you’re feeling, so you don’t feel so alone. I have friends from all around the world now which is so much fun. Even if they go back to their home countries eventually, I have lots of places to visit!
I think most people who move say it takes a couple of years to feel at home when you emigrate and I’d agree with that.
I’d say definitely go for it - you can always go back if you find it isn’t for you.

FortunesFave · 02/05/2020 02:58

Pelleas wtf? No it won't. Australia has come out of this well so far. We've had no new cases for days. We're all getting back to normal soon and there's not even been a full-on lockdown.

PrimeroseHillAnnie · 02/05/2020 02:58

A very close midwife friend of mine emigrated to Australia , spent ages getting it all sorted too. 18 later she came back. Said it was like working in the 1970’s. The people weren’t very friendly or helpful , everything is miles away , it’s so hot you literally burn and she felt like a foreigner in somebody else’s country. Said she’s never gonna complain about the NHS or the rain again so I guess it’s not for everyone.

FortunesFave · 02/05/2020 03:00

Primerose I said that about Oz when I first visited 15 years ago. It was a bit like the 70s. The heat is alarming at first.

But it's changed a lot since then. It's definitely nothing like the 70s any more. It's far more advanced than the UK in many ways.

Some things are a bit shit. The clothes are expensive. The linen is too.

But I can put up with that as I earn more, have a bigger house and a lovely community.

Pelleas · 02/05/2020 03:01

FortunesFave As so often heard in briefing bingo, it's a marathon, not a sprint. They think it's all over ... it isn't yet. Not by a long chalk.

FortunesFave · 02/05/2020 03:04

I never said it was over Pelleas but it's certainly not 'going to be shit everywhere'. Keep your misery to yourself.

TwelveMonkeys · 02/05/2020 03:05

If you want regular visits from family, I would choose Southern Europe over South America.

If you want security and quality of life, I would choose Southern Europe over South America!

Reginabambina · 02/05/2020 03:09

I’m an immigrant and I find it hard being so far from family but then things like this happen. In the end I decided to leave the U.K. for the length of the outbreak. It’s expensive and it was very difficult to get here but at least I can see my family and help them if something goes wrong. Once it’s over I’ll go back but am now considering moving back permanently when we’ve put everything in order.