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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Emigrate after all this...

87 replies

Fruitbatdancer · 02/05/2020 00:42

I’ve always wanted to live abroad, sunshine really effects my mood (in a good way) France, Spain, maybe further South America etc
The one and only thing holding me back (husband is super keen) is worry of missing family.
Don’t get me wrong I’m missing them like mad now, but it doable, in coping, so it’s made me think what’s stopping us? We’d probably spend more quality time as they’d visit often?
AIBU? Crazy? Has lockdown just messed with my head?

OP posts:
Lynda07 · 02/05/2020 06:30

TheSkyWasDark: "..whoever said the UK is becoming third world - maybe actually go and spend time in a developing country and you'll see how ludicrous that statement is.

Some people truly don't know they're born."
.......
Exactly, it's lovely here in the UK, certainly better now than when I was a child in all sorts of ways. Of course there are grotty, deprived areas but so there are everywhere and always have been.

HighNoon · 02/05/2020 06:31

Not sure how easy it's going to be to live and work in Europe now we have left the EU and there is still no deal agreed for when transition ends in December?!

WanderingMilly · 02/05/2020 06:37

I would go for it, it isn't as though you are going alone, plus your partner is keen, that always helps a lot. Spend time now researching as carefully as you can, it will help. Check you can both get work out there and what sort of lifestyle you'll be able to afford, obviously.
As others have said, if you are always visiting family and live in each other's pockets, that's going to be harder, but if you are a bit more independent of each other, it will be fine....

RantyAnty · 02/05/2020 06:56

Go for it if you want. You can always move back.

Australia is pretty nice.

Don't count on people visiting. My family has visited here once.

countrygirl99 · 02/05/2020 07:10

With Brexit you might find your options are limited. Countries like Australia, Canada etc are looking for particular skills and if you fall outside those it can be tough to get a Visa. My son is emigrating to another EU country. It's can only work for him if he goes before the end if the transition period and that's even with his (hopefully by then if they start permitting marriages) wife being from that country.

stellabelle · 02/05/2020 07:11

We’d probably spend more quality time as they’d visit often?

Don't bank on that idea. People are not going to be rushing to visit you as often as you think. They've got lives and everyone is busy. Work on the assumption that they won't visit often, then make your decision .

maddy68 · 02/05/2020 07:13

My daughter lives in Spain. I see her once a month. Travel is (normally) easy and cheap. And one thing this lockdown has taught us is with technology you can see each other all the time
Go for it.

stellabelle · 02/05/2020 07:13

We emigrated to Australia and not one solitary soul has ever come to visit. We've traveled heaps of times, but not them. They all say "but it's so far away" ! errr yes we know, it's the same distance both ways .

notimagain · 02/05/2020 08:06

The only thing I’d recommend is having jobs (or prospects) lined up before you go.

^^This.. in fact the first thing the OP needs to do is to check out if the country or countries they are aspiring to live in will even let them become resident without having a job/sponsor lined up.

I think the relative freedom of movement into/around the EU has meant some aren't aware it's nigh on impossible simply to rock up at immigration control at most countries in the world and say "Hi, we've decided we'd like to try living here..."

MistyIsland · 02/05/2020 08:48

We are debating doing this.

Our other option is to see if we have enough money to do both, house here house abroad.

I think lockdown has certainly sharpened our focus somewhat

CallmeAngelina · 02/05/2020 08:56

Just bear in mind that while trips each way might happen in abundance in the early years, as parents get older and more frail, they can tail off. And my friends in the US is had a nightmare when one parent indicated they felt unwell and stopped answering calls and was found dead on the floor later that day! That was very hard to deal with from 5000 miles away.
And now with COVID, they can't travel to support another parent who's struggling.
I'm not saying that should make you think again, but it's something to bear in mind. Do you have siblings who can/will step up when the time comes?

Rubyupbeat · 02/05/2020 09:12

@banana64ana It must depend on your quality of life here. I love the U.K. and we would not be better off living any where else.
We live outskirts of London, but also in the lakes and have a house in Tuscany.
My children had a fantastic education and have good jobs.
I have an amazing circle of lifelong friends and along with family (none of whom live nearby) I would miss terribly.
And yes, we have lived abroad in Dubai, Dallas, Chicago, LA each for over 3 years, but I always missed home.
The only country I only considered was Norway and still have a slight pull towards there. We will be doing another 6 month stint there soon, which I am quite excited about.

Oliversmumsarmy · 02/05/2020 09:26

It baffles me that people would swap being near their friends, family and communities for more sunshine and a pool in the garden

In England I am in constant pain with arthritis. In Spain or any hot country when I go it disappears and I can move. I can even run without pain.

My quality of life is massively improved.

Apart from dd and Ds I don’t have any family and my friends live all over so rarely see them anyway.

Not everyone has a close knit family and friends they see everyday.

Switzerland2020 · 02/05/2020 09:27

Name changed for this. We live in Switzerland, been here for a few years and love it. The DC speak French fluently, we have a lovely house in a lovely village, work and money are great, the weather is super - 4 defined seasons with an abundance of things to in each, quick easy and cheap flights back home or for people to visit. Healthcare is expensive but excellent. Travel opportunities in the region are endless.

But we are happy just us. Sounds terrible but the distance with family suits us. Though we love and miss our parents dearly, we feel smothered by them (both our parents are long-time divorced and remarried so there’s 8 parents between us, all lived 5-15 mins away). My dad died not long after we got here a few years ago (terminal illness) and that was hard but overall manageable because of the relatively short distance and a very supportive employer.

We’ve lived in other countries too (which we also loved) and travelled extensively. It feels like we’re supposed to live abroad. It feels right for us. The kids are exposed to and more aware of different cultures, languages and activities than if we’d stayed in the UK. We genuinely feel they are benefitting more from being here. We regularly Skype and FaceTime family and friends.

Not sure how long we’ll be here, but we’d happily try somewhere else too... can’t see us going back to the UK any time soon.

I say go for it.

FortunesFave · 02/05/2020 09:32

It baffles me that people would swap being near their friends, family and communities for more sunshine and a pool in the garden.

We only had one couple who we could call friends. My family wasn't very involved with us...and the community had died on it's arse in the 70s.

It's more than sunshine and a pool that people are looking for when they emigrate. It's a fresh start, a new chance to live a different life.

TwelveMonkeys · 02/05/2020 10:42

We emigrated to Australia and not one solitary soul has ever come to visit. We've traveled heaps of times, but not them. They all say "but it's so far away" ! errr yes we know, it's the same distance both ways

TBF, before this turned into an Australia thread, OP mentioned Spain/France and (for some bizarre reason) South America. There's a huge difference in people's ability/willingness to visit Spain/France and Australia.

I have a friend who lives in Australia. Every time she says I should go visit I just reply with a cheery "One day! When I can afford it!" but unless I win the lottery, I know I'm never going.

A return flight to Spain though, cost (pre covid) 60 quid and takes just a couple of hours. I could easily go multiple times a year.

ChrissieKeller61 · 02/05/2020 10:44

Because emigrating is so easy. I hope you’re under 45 with skills In demand and £20,000 just to get the visas

BlueJava · 02/05/2020 11:10

Investigate and go for it! I lived in Asia for several years and loved it, didn't really miss anyone either!

CallmeAngelina · 02/05/2020 11:19

I had two sets of friends who emigrated at the same time, one to Australia and one to the US (east coast). The Oz family really struggled with homesickness, whereas the US lot didn't and they put it down to the fact that they were sufficiently close to be able to travel back (flights cheaper then) more regularly and for people to visit. It was probably more complex than that , but a consideration nonetheless.

mencken · 02/05/2020 11:26

I wouldn't bank on any more cheap flights as so many airlines will go bust. Anyway, I thought MN wanted to reduce climate change and pollution - don't we WANT to have much less travel, which it has now been shown really does help the planet?

or is it just about school truant and worshipping Thunberg?

CHIRIBAYA · 02/05/2020 11:27

No, go for it and don't look back. Like everything else in life it's what you make it. Go with an open mind and be prepared for the ups and downs - which you will get ANYWHERE anyway. If it doesn't work out you can always come back or try somewhere different.

peperethecat · 02/05/2020 11:30

I live in France and I see my family every few months. Last saw them in February just before coronavirus properly kicked off and now I have no idea when I will see them again. Plus the administrative crap you have to do to establish residency in France is quite incredible even before Brexit and I imagine it will be even more difficult afterwards. You need to do your research and be very clear about why you want to do this and how to make it work.

Original poster
Fruitbatdancer · 02/05/2020 11:49

Wow so many replies and lots of food for thought. Yes under 45 and have skills which are transferable (IT). But nothing proper like nurse/ doctor that would mean easy passage so visas are a consideration.
South America may seem odd but been a dream since a childhood project on Peru!
Did a year in the USA as a late teens and loved it but technology wasn’t as good for cheap calls home and no husband or to share the adventure with.
Australia I hadn’t considered...

OP posts:
JingsMahBucket · 02/05/2020 12:15

@JudyCoolibar

Bear in mind the costs of health care in the EU once the UK is fully out.

Do you mean it would become more expensive for UK citizens because the healthcare interchange with the NHS and other countries wouldn’t exist anymore?

peperethecat · 02/05/2020 12:29

Do you mean it would become more expensive for UK citizens because the healthcare interchange with the NHS and other countries wouldn’t exist anymore?

I think this is only relevant for pensioners and tourists. If you are legally resident in another EU country and not retired, you'll be under the local social security and healthcare system and not the NHS.