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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To meet parents...

101 replies

Jadefeather7 · 01/05/2020 00:54

When DH and I have been isolating for four weeks (we work from home) and haven’t been out except for grocery shopping once a week (where we pick up groceries for my parents). My parents have also been totally isolated since this all started.

OP posts:
WhenISnappedAndFarted · 01/05/2020 10:27

I got caught down at My DM's (she'd broken something and needed looking after) went lockdown happened, I've not seen my fiance for three months and absolutely desperate to see him.

He's on his own and hasn't seen anyone in over a month, we're both missing friends and family. My siblings are struggling but we're all staying away from each other.

Everyone is in this together, everyone is struggling and in the same boat. Your parents have each other so there's not one person alone.

Stay away until the guidelines change.

Wiaa · 01/05/2020 10:28

I'm confused don't you already visit them when you take the shopping?? Just have a chat 2m apart/through window/bottom of drive etc.

MaMaMyCorona · 01/05/2020 10:34

I haven't seen my mum in eight weeks and i would love nothing more than to see her and for my 2 year old who adores her to visit her, but obviously until lockdown is lifted I won't be! You know it's not allowed in lockdown or you wouldn't be asking on here would you?! Why can people not comprehend simple instructions - it clearly says households should not mix- what makes YOU so special that it applies to everyone else in the country apart from you?

GindependantWoman · 01/05/2020 11:01

Do you really need to see them? Is a phone call not enough? What more do you gain from going to see them? You're an adult not a small child missing their mummy...

WeGoHigh · 01/05/2020 11:41

It does baffle me that as this goes on more and more people are making decisions like this yet are still claiming to be doing their bit, and clapping for the NHS every Thursday night. Make your own decisions, but it's clearly against the guidance at the minute and you're clearly choosing to go against it whatever your reasons might be. Imagine if every single household in the UK did this? That's it really.

liquoricecravings · 01/05/2020 11:43

OP - I'm also pregnant. My DH has done the food shopping since the lockdown was announced as it is not sensible for me to go to the shop and be exposed to so many other people who could potentially pass on the virus. My DH washes his hands thoroughly when he gets back.

I would love to see my parents and it makes me tearful sometimes that I can't share my first pregnancy in person with them. The baby has started kicking this week and I'd love my mum to feel her first grandchild's kicks. But it's not safe. I am grateful that we are in lockdown for our safety and that I can use technology to send photos and speak to my friends and family with ease. This won't go on forever and we have a responsibility to our society to look after each other.

My advice? Don't go to the supermarket, your DH can do that. Don't see your parents for now as it's not abiding by the rules and when you are allowed to see them properly it will feel even better. Your baby should be your first priority. I won't be compromising my baby's safety.

TeensArghhhh · 01/05/2020 12:00

Everyone wants to see their parents/adult children/ grandchildren/ granny...... Everyone is in the same boat. I know let’s all say Fuck it and do what we like. What’s the point of social distancing anyway eh?...... Apart from the risk of Premature death if you don’t of course 🤷🏻‍♀️

Do what you like OP

iswhois · 01/05/2020 12:26

@TeensArghhhh Exactly. I don't know why some people think they and their families are so special.

Some of the blase attitudes on here are appalling quite frankly. One of my friends has just lost her mum to Covid and likely to lose her dad also so guess what she will never be able to visit them again.

Perhaps if people had actually lost someone they would feel a bit different.

I bet these are the same people standing out clapping and shaming those who don't as well.

Original poster
Jadefeather7 · 01/05/2020 12:35

The ‘we’ was a reference to our household. My husband is the one who goes to the shops.

The idea of ‘social bubbles’ and making risk based assessments isn’t totally crazy. Accept though that I may have under estimated the risk from the supermarket as someone posting has said they caught it from there.

I have a feeling though even if two households were in complete isolation having not stepped out at all for several weeks some people would still object to them meeting!

OP posts:
Thymeout · 01/05/2020 12:41

If you're making the journey anyway to drop off supplies, I don't see any reason why you shouldn't see your parents, have a chat, so long as you observe social distancing rules and stay outside the property.

I'm stuck inside for the duration - chemo patient - and asked my oncologist whether it'd be OK for my son to do a bit of gardening while I sat by the kitchen door and got some sun and fresh air. No problem, he said.

ineedaholidaynow · 01/05/2020 12:50

Well they probably would as that is not the guidance at the moment. And also as proven by this thread not everyone understands what isolation actually means.

Social bubbles may be in the next phase, why can’t you wait to find out?

CaptainCabinets · 01/05/2020 12:53

Fucking stupid and selfish. This is why people are dying.

To the PP who said her DD ‘needs her’ so she has to bend the rules. You’re shielding, right? Do you not think she’ll need you more alive than dead? Do you not think the other mums who have died of Covid were needed by their kids?

Fucking idiots. I don’t go to work as a nurse every day and risk my own fucking life without seeing my mum and dad for you to all swan about seeing your parents when you fancy.

Original poster
Jadefeather7 · 01/05/2020 12:55

I think once I get to the end of my pregnancy and start having regular check ups in hospital and then I’m admitted in lot hospital to have the baby I won’t feel comfortable seeing my parents as the risk will be higher. After that I expect DH will be back at work soon. Coronovirus will still be around. If he’s going into work I wouldn’t want to visit my parents. Not seeing them for a year or so until the vaccine is ready is upsetting. I feel right now our family are as low risk as we will be for a long time to come.

OP posts:
TeensArghhhh · 01/05/2020 12:57

I have a feeling though even if two households were in complete isolation having not stepped out at all for several weeks some people would still object to them meeting

Most households are abiding by the “rules” for the safety of themselves and others.

I’m so glad my children value my life and will stay away for as long as it takes. My grandson cries every morning because he wants to see grandma. His parents explain to him why he can’t. He is 2!

Your parents are not doing their own shopping so therefore in the vulnerable group right? And there’s you wanting to put their lives at risk because you are putting your own selfish wants above their lives.

Go do it. Your need to hug your mum is much more valuable that your mums life.

Most people are happy to drop shopping off on their mums doorstep and have a chat through the window.

ScarfLadysBag · 01/05/2020 13:03

We are all missing our family, though. You're not a special case. But if everyone thought the way you were and acted on it, then we would suddenly have lots of people moving around, potentially spreading it or exposing themselves to it at a time when we are still trying to get it under control.

I don't think you'll need to wait a year to see them, but i think it is very selfish to think you should get some sort of special dispensation for no real reason. I miss my mum, I miss my gran, but it won't be forever.

Gawdsake2020 · 01/05/2020 14:10

Yes it’s upsetting but it’s life. The risk is there, baby or not, hospital appoiments or not. Stop thinking about yourself and think how’d you feel if your parents caught it from you and end up dead. Stop being silly with peoples life’s!

Rosebel · 01/05/2020 14:50

But we're all in that situation. I'm pregnant too and haven't seen my parents for 7 weeks. I miss them and my eldest would love to see her grandparents but I'm not risking my baby or my parents.
You are saying it's not fair you can't see your parents for a year but I might well be in the same boat but I'm still not going to be selfish.
However you are clearly going to do what you want anyway so don't know why you asked.

nobodyimportant · 01/05/2020 15:03

Do you realise that all the people dying in hospitals now would have been infected in the last few weeks, so after the "lockdown" started? I wonder how many of them were infected because friends or family thought it would be ok to visit.

Everydayimhuffling · 01/05/2020 15:54

If you can live with yourself if one of them or your fetus die of CV then that's your decision. That was what stopped me from having my mum come visit as she would love to do. Even though that means I will be alone hearing about the baby's life threatening heart condition when I go for my scan, as DP has to look after DD.

You don't know how long this will last. None of us do. You do know that the restrictions are in place now, and you are choosing to ignore them and put lives at risk.

Reallynowdear · 01/05/2020 16:46

FFS OP, I've just read the sorry about Evan Cadby.

It doesn't matter what you "have a feeling" about.

Grow up and just do as you're bloody told.

Thighmageddon · 01/05/2020 17:00

Really I've just read that story too.

A child asking his father wether he will die or his father next after just losing his mum and Gran to the virus, really and I mean REALLY brings it home.

PhoebeBear · 01/05/2020 17:11

Not to scare anyone too much but my mum and sister work with covid 19 patients.. I don't see them with having my own home and family but they keep in touch via FaceTime. Each day they say people admit the hospital and about 0.1% of the people actually leave... I'm not trying to put the shits up anyone this is just the truth . It's so serious just please I beg people to only go out if necessary! My mum also has stage 4 breast cancer so for her even going to work I worry so much each day about her

Reallynowdear · 01/05/2020 17:19

Thigh, I know, truly awful.

I am a bit angry today, sorry.

Every time I see the collage of NHS deaths on the news, my heart breaks. My 29 years old colleagues face, twenty fucking nine, stares out beautifully, and still people don't give a shit.

LastTrainEast · 01/05/2020 22:54

"Each day they say people admit the hospital and about 0.1% of the people actually leave.." Tell me PhoebeBear did you expect anyone to believe that?

ilovesooty · 01/05/2020 23:09

Just do what you like. I expect you will anyway.