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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To meet parents...

101 replies

Jadefeather7 · 01/05/2020 00:54

When DH and I have been isolating for four weeks (we work from home) and haven’t been out except for grocery shopping once a week (where we pick up groceries for my parents). My parents have also been totally isolated since this all started.

OP posts:
bigbluebus · 01/05/2020 08:30

No member of my household is in the higher risk category. I live in a rural area and the only time I've left the house in the last 6 weeks is for exercise (easy to keep apart from anyone I might pass), a fortnightly trip to the supermarket and and a weekly trip to the village shop for milk. By far the most risky activity in all of that has been the trips to the supermarket. I breathe a sigh of relief when i get to 7 days post trip without any symptoms - and I'm not prone to being over dramatic about most things.
To think that you would consider visiting your parents after going to a supermarket fills me with horror. Would you be able to live with yourself if they caught Covid 19 knowing that the only place they could have contracted it is from you. The risk of them catching it from the shopping is thought to be minimal. Don't do it and hopefully you will have many more years ahead when you can visit them.

Overtime2019 · 01/05/2020 08:31

Op no you can't this is what gets to me my kids haven't seen family for 6 weeks now and my youngest is destroyed because of it just wait like every one else

Perfidy · 01/05/2020 08:38

If you are in a high risk area with high population probably not.

Otherwise going and staying in the garden and saying hi. Low risk.

SunsetYorks · 01/05/2020 08:39

I honestly despair, do what you like, Im past caring as people can’t follow rules, but don’t be upset if you pass it on to them as you have not been isolating - isolating means not leaving the house - not going to a bloody supermarket. It’s your conscience.

JanMeyer · 01/05/2020 08:39

Since the last time we went shopping (a week ago) no one has developed any symptoms.

You know you can have the virus and be completely asymptomatic don't you? You could pass it on and have no clue you're doing so. Hence why we're being asked to avoid mixing with other people.

Gawdsake2020 · 01/05/2020 08:41

So everyone has to go by the rules but your exempt? Whatever OP.
This is why more people will die because of selfish people like yourself.

heretohelpGB · 01/05/2020 08:45

How are people still saying they have been isolating but then admit they have been in a supermarket as if this doesn't count? OP you know this is your choice and your choice alone but please consider this - I have just come out of a dose of the virus and the only place me and DH had been in the previous 3 weeks was one of us going to supermarket once a week. When contacted about contact tracing I was hand on heart able to say only saw DH and strangers I cannot identify in supermarket. Think how you will feel if you have to explain to them that your parents are on your list? Among all the hell that is CV I can't emphasis how nice it was to know I had not been responsible for any unnecessary further spreading of CV. Yes it is possible I gave it to someone in supermarket and yes I definitely got it from supermarket but that is essential journey in these strange times - beyond that no one and I am genuinely proud of that fact.

Divebar · 01/05/2020 08:45

Have you really not been going out for walks or a bike ride in that time? I’m not sure how I would have managed without some exercise
and a change of scenery.

HugeAckmansWife · 01/05/2020 08:51

If your parents are going to the shops too then you going over there and keeping your distance in the garden is not increasing their risk or yours in any remotely significant way. Other than a walk every day my dad is in the house and could be for months and months. Me and my kids are the only thing he is interested in so we go round about once a week and speak through the conservatory windows from a Distance. We nearly lost him a few years ago to a heart attack. That could happen again at any random time so he chooses to see us in as safe a way as possible. At his age, any life is not necessarily better than no life. Their other grandparents are starting to feel similarly. We observe SD at all times and don't mix with others..kids stay in the car when I shop. It has to be a balance and people's individual circumstances make the risk variable and more or less worth it. I have no problem with people using autonomy to judge their own circumstances.

PhilCornwall1 · 01/05/2020 08:52

Op no you can't this

OP, there is no way on here you are going to get the response you want, it's going to always be "you can't do this, you are breaking the rules, you are selfish!!".

To be honest a huge amount of people around where I live are now "breaking the rules" if you see it that way. Ultimately you have to do what you want, it's your decision.

I haven't seen my extended family (result!!), but I can't get wound up over others doing it, it's their business not mine.

Original poster
Jadefeather7 · 01/05/2020 08:54

So will those who thinks it’s unreasonable not see parents for a year or so? Are older people expected to have no human contact for such a long period of time? Coronavirus isn’t going to just disappear, the risk of catching it will be around until the vaccine is ready which won’t be for a year or so. Theres talk of easing restrictions and having some form of social distancing in the long run. Trying to figure out what that means because I would have thought it would involve making risk based assessments.

OP posts:
TheFairyCaravan · 01/05/2020 08:56

This pisses me off so much. DS2 is going into work day in and day out, doing extra days, nursing people without adequate PPE, putting his life at risk to look after people with Covid yet people still want to break the guidelines. Why? Why risk both you and your parents when you don't have to?

We've had conversations with him about his funeral, just in case, I'm worried sick and desperate for this to be over. Please don't be selfish.

AtrociousCircumstance · 01/05/2020 08:56

If you’ve been going to the shop you could easily pass it on to them.

And you’ll know why they’re sick and that you gave it to them. You’ll know you put your needs above their safety.

I know it’s tough. We are all finding it tough, we all want to see our loved ones. It’s too soon right now.

ineedaholidaynow · 01/05/2020 08:56

But if everyone had the attitude that even in lockdown you can do what you want, how many more people would have died? Why do some people think they are above lockdown and it doesn’t apply to them?

ineedaholidaynow · 01/05/2020 08:58

So OP why don’t you wait until we are told the new guidelines?

Gawdsake2020 · 01/05/2020 08:58

Do what you want but if they catch it from you, don’t expect any sympathy.

heartsonacake · 01/05/2020 09:05

Don’t be so silly. We have absolutely no idea if it will be anywhere near a year.

Don’t jump the gun because you can’t be arsed to wait under the guise of “it will never end”.

fungalinthejungle · 01/05/2020 09:07

People do realise, once lockdown is lifted and you are allowed to see family and friends - you could still catch it then, not realise and pass it on?

Unless some posters aren’t planning on seeing their family until everyone has been vaccinated.

CoronaMoaner · 01/05/2020 09:07

I just know I wouldn't be willing to risk my parents health. There might not be consequences (hopefully) but I couldn't risk it.
I’m the same.
The problem for me OP is when everyone does it.
So you on your own seeing your parents is probably low risk. But then you have a family where the parents have 4 children and all 4 go to visit their parents. And their in laws. Who also have several children. And grandchildren. And nieces and nephews. And before you know it, you’ve been in contact with many people and families and so therefore have your parents.

Original poster
Jadefeather7 · 01/05/2020 09:16

@fungalinthejungle That’s exactly what I’m wondering. Is that what everyone is planning to do?

We have thought it through. My parents don’t see my sibling as they are still going into work so there’s obviously a risk there.

It’s interesting that one person has posted that they caught it from the supermarket. Maybe I have under estimated the risk of going to the shop but I can’t really see a way around it. Im also probably vulnerable because I’m pregnant and having difficulty with breathing due to an iron deficiency and lungs being squashed.

OP posts:
heartsonacake · 01/05/2020 09:21

No, you haven’t thought it through, and with the revelation that you’re pregnant you’re putting your unborn baby’s life at risk too.

You must be so proud Hmm

ineedaholidaynow · 01/05/2020 09:22

Why did you not think going shopping is a risk? I hate going and do as much as I can to keep the 2m distance, but that is just a distance they have come up with, there are reports that you need to much further away from someone if they cough.

Original poster
Jadefeather7 · 01/05/2020 09:23

How am I doing that? We need to eat food, for gods sake I can’t believe some people Hmm

OP posts:
SunsetYorks · 01/05/2020 09:24

I saw a word the other day. Covidiot. This is you.

fungalinthejungle · 01/05/2020 09:24

@Jadefeather7 with your recent update, I'd probably be extra careful to protect yourself, not just your parents.

I haven't seen my family or friends since this started but we live in South West London and frankly, you'd have no idea there was even a lockdown taking place, it's so busy.