I'm NC'd for this. DH knows my usual username.
AIBU to feel hurt over this?
DH was on the phone to friends yesterday and were discussing a loss that another friend has just experienced. This friend's brother had just died. General sympathising and expressing concern. His friend casually said "ChipperCharlie will know how they feel" and my DH's first response was to agree and respond with "yes...but.." but this was cut off because his friend had resumed talking.
The "but" has hurt be quite badly. I'll explain.
My Dad died when I was 4 and my Mother remarried a widower with his own daughter. She was only 11 months older than me and we hit it off immediately. Mum adopted her and to the world at large, we became a unit. I regarded her legally, emotionally and socially as my sister. Her Dad became my Dad. He's awesome. We remained close - sisters - until she died. I was 19, she was 20. It tore us all up. Totally unexpected. Life changed forever. I lost a sister and friend, I suffered some sort of emotional breakdown - lost a year of Uni etc. We drew closer as a family. Still, the loss has scarred us all. She is buried in the village cemetery and we go often.
We never, ever regarded one another as anything but a complete unit. She wasn't a step or half and we didn't use that term to introduce one another, to talk to others about one another etc. To me, using step or half somehow diluted our relationship. Mum and Dad felt the same, so we didn't use it.
Fast forward man years and I marry DH. I over-heard him talking to a friend about a year into our marriage and he said "...ChipperCharlie's sister wasn't her real sister...." - it hurt badly, we argued, he defended his position and was totally oblivious to the hurt, but he eventually understood and apologised, or so I thought.
So, to hear him say a "but....", made me realise that he still doesn't value what my family unit was - doesn't understand what she meant to me. I was upset last night but didn't argue with him, didn't bring it up, told him I was just really tired (genuinely was - did a lot of physical work yesterday) and left it at that. Spoke to him normally this morning and he's ignoring me.
I've asked him why he's odd with me and he replied that it's not him that's odd. He was so confrontational about it that I admitted that I was hurt with the "but..." comment but that I had no intention of bringing it up so I'm confused why it's him that's angry with me? He's said angrily that his "...but" comment was going to be followed by a "but even though they weren't 'proper' sisters, they were very very close".
He doesn't understand why I'm so hurt by this and is now ignoring me and seething downstairs. I'm trying to be normal for the DC.
I know my loss is over 20 years ago, but it's raw and it's painful and I so, so miss her. My Dad has never been the same since but it's not made him bitter - he's loved and supported me as he would her. Anyone in a blended family will possibly understand how I feel - Dh doesn't understand at all. I'm not angry with him at all, I just feel hurt.
AIBU? Please be gentle. Am feeling low today and won't want to discuss this with anyone else.