To think that poor academic performance equals a life of misery?

[sudokumad]

Throughout my life I've struggled academically on and off. I understand the content (when not stressed) and I am able to perform well, but I find it hard to deal with problems in my personal life that it consumes me day to day so I become I'm unable to function.

My grades have been sporadic throughout GCSE and A level and I'm now trying to complete a degree, again with a mix of high and low Mark's bringing down. I doesnt help that I'm at home with a preschooler and her dad is no help- I do everything.

I have exams next month and I've been revising for 3 hours after I've put DD down for bed. I know I'm going to fail and I'm super stressed.

I really want to get a good job but with my background I'm not sure anyone will take me on with D grades and not even one A. I'm looking at a 2:2 or 3rd.

I'd love to get on to a graduate scheme in the civil service or in financial services. Lots of people have amazing academics and are super social with experience as treasurer or something in one of their uni societies. I don't do anything outside of parenting, except cleaning the home and organising my 4 year olds life.

I want to go somewhere and be someone. I just don't know if anyone would give me the chance.

I don't think you have to worry about sitting an exam tbh.

Poor academic performance certainly does NOT equal life of misery. There are so many people who had horrible academic results, but became great success with very nice income.

The one thing is that you need to be realistic, but not defeatist. Look at other ways to get into the CS rather than fast stream which is super competitive. Or other ways to get into finance rather than uber competitive grad scheme. You may start on lower wage and take bit longer but there is always a way and there is always something you will be good at.

I got a 2:2 and struggled at uni.

I have a great career in financial services, in a regional office of a major bank, earning a near London salary outside of London.

I did indeed get rejected from the grad scheme so instead I took a contracting job (v common in financial services). Once you’re in the door, no one gives an shiny shit about your academics as long as you’re conscientious and hardworking. I was made an offer of a permanent role at the same pay grade as the grad scheme after 1 year and got promoted the following year (from entry level), 6 months before anyone on the equivalent grad path was allowed to be promoted...

Definitely grit your teeth and aim for a 2.2 and do the best you can, but don’t be disheartened if you don’t get the grades you want. It sounds like you also have life experience, juggling studying and parenting and this will count for a lot in the real job.

I disagree. Lots of people find something they enjoy and are good at that they turn into a well paying career without needing A Levels or a degree. My db is one of them.

Hi OP!

I haven't got A levels or a degree but earn a very lucrative salary as a Director of a large international company.

It's not impossible.

Absolutely not. I agree with PP about finding alternative ways to get in and then using whatever you are good at in terms of 'softer skills' (basically anything apart from passing exams) to get on.

As an example - yes, I know it's a small sample size but I think it can be quite inspiring - my older sibling did terribly at school. Failed all A-levels. They are now earning - no exaggeration - a high 6-figure salary with 7 figure bonuses at a major City firm.

How did they do this? Well, they knew they wanted to work in financial services so they started out working on the call desk for a financial services firm doing, I understand, fairly basic stuff. They used their charm (deeply, deeply charming. The most instantly likeable person I have ever known) and bonhomie to work their way up slowly and found that they were most at ease in a sales environment. Their charisma helped them to excel at this and they moved roles a number of times, earning more each time and gaining seniority.

A caveat: they are just over 50 so entered FS a while ago. It is possible that things/routes in have changed.

BUT from being the least academic of my many, many siblings, they have gone on to earn the most. They love their job, they love the financial security and they are good at it.

Is it possible for your DP to take some time off and look after your DD in the run up to the exams? Or even defer them until lockdown is over and DD is back in school or nursery?

As PPs have said, it is of course possible to have a fantastic career with a 2.2 or 3rd, but at the same time, it seems sensible to put yourself in the best possible position for the exams. You could put it to your DH that his taking a leave of absence now would be an investment since it will put you in a better position for job applications.

Ok so firstly you have a DH problem. Why isn't the lazy bastard doing his share? I had one of those and my life and energy levels took a massive upsurge when I got rid.

Secondly I know loads of people who thought they'd never get a 2.1 and did. Depending on what course you're doing, the fact you're absolutely slogging away at it unrelentingly will probably be the biggest factory in how well you do. I went to a school which was extremely competitive academically, and the people who have done particularly well as a group tended to be the ones who were bright, but needed to work and work to get their As and Bs. The ones who seemed effortlessly brilliant never had to learn self discipline, and really really struggled at uni because of that.

If you've been accepted on to a uni course you're not stupid, and you're capable of doing it. Perhaps you need to tweak something to fit your learning style - I can't study unless I sit at a table in silence, my friend has to be able to spread out and have music on, that sort of thing. Make sure you're taking breaks - walk round the room every 15 minutes. Have water or tea to sip. Sprinkle some drops of bergamot oil on to a hanky and inhale - it's meant to help with concentration. If you find it hard to detach from personal issues to concentrate on studying (totally normal btw) then work on ways to compartmentalise that - visualise locking your worries in a box etc. If you can't fix the issue there and then, then put it away for later. Be honest with your tutor and uni support services if you're struggling - that's what they're there for, and they won't judge. I had a hard time in second year, and stupidly kept it all quiet and tried to sort it out myself - and what an utter idiot I was to do so, I wasted a year when in hindsight I could have accessed support much more easily than I did.

Good luck! Stop running yourself down. You value education and are doing your utmost to learn more in an effort to better yourself, therefore you already have more sense than many people

Stop catastrophising, you like the rest of us have no idea what the future holds.
forget the imaginary future... you need focus on where you are today, AND ACHIEVING THE BEST RESULTS.
People in worse circumstances have achieved incredible things, the only difference is they are really determined, nothing else.
You can be too. Get in the habit of shutting down wandering, worrying thoughts. You have chosen your path now only focus on it.
Carve out a couple of 40 minute slots daily when DD can watch a program or DH can take her, set them in stone.
Lock yourself in the bathroom if need be.
Make your study plan and study for 35 minutes with 5 minutes of written bullet points to stick up where you can see them whilst doing dinner or such..think about the work whilst doing mundane household jobs, talk your essays out loud whist hoovering! Then writing will be easier later and you will have more subject knowledge.
do another slot or two in the evening, but move in between, 10 minutes of homemade crossfit, or laps of the garden will boost thinking and lower stress.
Do this with all your work, daytime study is much better than evening.

Forget changing anything else in your life or going out, just get this one thing done and done well.

Stress is your enemy alongside disorganisation.
Structure in bitesize chunks, and exercise to calm your mind are your friends.
Staying focussed on ONLY this for now is your best friend.

Good luck, l have a feeling you will do better than you think!

Are there unies actually running proper exams now? Afaik it's all either pass/fail to next year considering overall engagement and grades or take home exam, which is essentially open book so much easier. Nothing like sitting there for 2 hours writing like crazy while having to remember a case name from 1876🙄

Thanks for the helpful suggestions on how to organise my revision.

And my partner is no help at all. He's like an extra child actually.

I do have open book take home exams, but even then I want to feel prepared in order to answer the question to gain good marks. I still have gaps in my k knowledge on a few tricky topics.

You need to shift to glass half full rather than half empty. You are as good as anyone else and you can do it. Saying you can’t or won’t will just end up a self fulfilling prophecy. Believe in you, put the work in and see what happens. At the end, whatever the outcome, you hold your head up and know you did the best you could and be proud of that! Too many of us measure ourselves against someone else’s (often perceived) success. You are you, you work for you, make it work for you. Good luck!

Believe me, I've tried studying with my 4 year old occupied on the ipad/TV and I manage to get a bit in,even then shes still demanding my attention. It's not easy with her around.

I work in a City bank and most of my colleagues didn’t go to university if that helps. My work is in technology, a lot of very well paid successful project managers/service managers and so on went straight from school. The best off person I know (owned a flat in zone 1 London before the age of 30) just has ok A levels and comes from a working class background. She is super bright, great with people and has got successful that way. I don’t believe this is unique to tech or finance, when you get into the working world you realise a lot of it is about non academic skill set and building knowledge of your area which tends to happen through plain hard work and sticking at it. I have an oxbridge degree but I only started to build useful work skills when I entered a very bog standard admin role and worked my way up! Before that I was clever/educated (in an arty subject) but lacked discipline. I’m doing well now but honestly someone without my degree could have had the same trajectory. Don’t worry about this.
I do completely sympathise regarding the lack of ability to focus and reach your academic potential if you’re under stress. I had undiagnosed MH issues at uni and I definitely under performed, I can’t change it now but you shouldn’t blame yourself, this is a natural reaction to stress and the best you can do for yourself is develop coping strategies and not be a perfectionist.

And one more thing, you’re studying and bringing up a small child, you’re a superwoman honestly! You should be proud of this. Give yourself some credit.

You need to give yourself a chance before anyone else can. You are dumbing down all your achievements to date and seeing your life options in very narrow terms. Plenty of graduates are unemployed or never get well paying jobs and plenty of non-academic people do incredibly well; so much depends on your mindset and skills that you can't study and pass exams, like motivation, self-discipline, resourcefulness - there are loads which will serve you just as well as 'A's and 2:1s. As for not doing anything outside of parenting please stop and think about just how many skills you use on a regular basis as a parent - lots! You aren't sitting on your backside doing nothing are you? I don't subscribe to this crap that mothers are not doing anything worthwhile and neither should you.

I'm missing something. You're going to have a degree yet you think that's 'poor academic performance'? Poor academic performance means ploughing your GCSEs. I think you need a new perspective.

Doing the traditional path- degree, graduate career in a non traditional order ( having kids first) is always going to be really tough.

You’ve done really really well to get this far and do a degree with a small child.

Doing a graduate career almost always involves very excessive hours for a number of years. Even the civil service graduate scheme will expect long hours.

That’s going to be hard , but not impossible, with a child.

You need to think about post covid childcare strategy and have a real talk with your partner about him doing at least 50% if not more

Do you actually have final exams given the current situation. Most universities have cancelled finals

Lots of unis are doing their final exams online, my uni is, open book exams which can be completed within a specific time frame to allow everyone from over the world. The student can either sit it (there is a policy which says they can't get a worse grade than their overall average grade so far), delay it or take the year again next year.

This is to try to make sure pretty much all the finalists get through this year. They can extend/delay this though if they can't do it right now- so if it really gets all too much, OP, then that might be another option, but the best is to sit it - so well done for doing that studying!

I would study smarter, not harder for an open book exam- do you know roughly what the questions will be on. It is not cheating in an open book exam to have preprepared answers (e.g. a rough essay) written out in advance?

Lots of people aren,t academic but are more practical. It is harder then it used to be if you don,t get equivelent of a C in maths and English, but I think if there,s a will there is a way.

One of my best friends got a 3rd in Computer Science nearly a lifetime ago. It certainly didn't hamper his career.

I was a uni drop out as a teen. Only started my current uni course when I started earning over 75k. I have a really comfortable life financially but I decided to act like a man and chase the money during my infertility struggle and so was able to work around my lack of a uni degree.

I think if you have the ambition and drive to achieve something then that counts for a lot more than qualifications on a piece of paper. I also think you have to find your thing which really interests you to be happy (not necessarily what society deems successful).

No. Not everyone is academic and not every profession demands it. You need to hone in on your skills not keep plugging away at ones that you’re only ever going to be mediocre in.

I think it is very possible to have a happy and fulfilling life without being highly academic. Some of the happiest people I do are doing jobs that didn't require academic qualifications. I don't think it is easy to be happy pursuing anything that you aren't good at though. Not impossible, for some they find joy in just doing the thing without worrying about the end result. If you are fixated on getting good marks and you know that doing that is going to be a struggle you are kind of setting yourself up to fail.

If you are fixated on getting good marks and you know that doing that is going to be a struggle you are kind of setting yourself up to fail

Well if I didn't have obstacles in my way then it would be achievable.