AIBU to want to close the curtains at 9pm?

[Estara]

It's been a long standing argument between me and my OH. He won't allow us to have blinds at the windows so when it gets dark I like to close the curtains as I don't like to be watched whilst relaxing in my own home. We live on a busy street and you can make eye contact with people as they walk past.
He's become obsessive about it lately and we've had some pretty bad rows the last few nights resulting in me spending my evenings upstairs. His reasoning is that it's shutting the day out. It's dark at 9pm, I grit my teeth and feel conscious of being on show to the world until I pluck up courage to ask if I can close the curtains. I'm only allowed to close them a little bit as the TV is in the window so I can close them to where the TV is. They had been like that for 30 minutes when I got up to close them properly. I never dreamt that asking to close the curtains at night would be an issue. I've just been called a C**t for disregarding his feelings and ruining his night by closing the curtains fully. I've apologised to him 6 times and he's ranted at me for half an hour about how I'm in the wrong for doing it. He's took himself off for a walk to cool down! I struggle to cope with his logic. Surely closing curtains should never be an issue!?

Unsure why it's posted under conception?

OP you know that closing the curtains shouldn't be an issue. You shouldn't have to ask permission and he shouldn't be "allowing" you. Please seek help to get out of this situation

Hello

I'm sorry this is causing a problem. In case this helps, I have privacy film on our bedrooms windows.

This is because when I first moved in I was alone and couldn't afford curtains and then just kept it!But having read your post it might be a good compromise to let in all the light but also you feeling comfortable that people can't look in. I've put a link below just to show you what I mean. Like I said I didn't have lots of money so probably got it quite cheaply from B&Q or something.

Separately, might be good to have a chat once you've sorted this to make sure you and hubby are all good and there isn't something lurking to cause such rows xxx

www.purlfrost.com/privacy-window-film/

Time to make a plan to leave. Sorry you are in the situation.

This really shouldn't be an issue that causes so many arguments. Sometimes I dont even open my curtains, and they can stay closed for days, sometimes, tbh it's not something me or my oh ever thonkno talk about. We open and close them as we please and never discuss it.

Is your husband usually controlling or are there underlying issues?

The curtains are not the issue here. You shouldn’t have to ask his permission. He shouldn’t be yelling at you and calling you vile names and you shouldn’t need to grovel and apologise for something that is important to you. What other things does he completely overreact about?

He disregards your feelings yet calls you names for the same? You should not be apologising, he should. Huge red flags

It's his house, we've lived together for 8 years. Not married. He is very opinionated about certain things that shouldn't be a thing and he makes them into an issue, but it gets twisted so that I'm in the wrong and end up having to apologise. I've often wondered if he is on the autistic spectrum with the way he reacts.

Is he at home all day due to covid lockdown? Its sending some people a little crazy over minor things.......

When did it become an issue between ye, or have you just moved in with him?

I cant stand people looking in while Im at home, so Im in agreement for pulling the blind/ curtain.

If you’re not married - does the relationship male you happy? I just ask because (lockdown aside) you have the freedom to not be in this situation and close the curtains whenever you damn well please. Imagine!!

Oh god. Sounds like a nightmare of a man. Does he have OCD or similar? I would personally look at moving on. Any kids?

We're both working from home at the minute, but this kind of behaviour crops up now and again so it's not a new thing. When he starts revving up I'm usually quite quick to nip it in the bud but certain things there's just no reasoning with him.
I dream of having my own house.
I used to get so upset after a row but now I don't.
I used to think that everything was shared because we were in this equally but I've found myself wanting to have my own nest egg for a rainy day and regret not buying my own property when I was younger. And now I am trying to increase my savings I feel like its giving way to the idea of the relationship not being successful.

Asking if I can close the curtains.

No, No Way.

I simply would not live like this, there has to be respect and teamwork.

together 8yrs, not married, living in his house, but it is not your home.

A big red flag. I would prepare to leave as I couldn't bear it.

His disrespect towards you is a big red flag.

There absolutely must be something wrong with him. Either he has OCD or similar or he's just incredibly controlling.

I've often wondered if he is on the autistic spectrum with the way he reacts.

Or he could just be a grade A twat. There are many, if not most, autistic people who don't treat the people they love like this.

I'd be looking to move out ASAP.

Do you have children?

Do you have anywhere else you can go?

Can you just refuse to sit in the living room after 9 pm?

Pluck up courage to ask if I can close the curtains. I'm only allowed to close them a little bit

This makes me so angry and sad for you. Eight years and not married, his house, he rules the roost. He is abusing you, you're unhappy and rightly so. He's called you a cnut over pulling fucking curtains?!

You deserve better and should get plans in place to LTB. Life is too short and you've wasted enough of it with him already.

I agree with lots of the above OP, the behaviour you describe is unreasonable, you shouldn't have to put up with that. Closing the curtains to get a bit of evening privacy is such a basic, just close the curtains, without asking, every day. If his behaviour remains abusive then you know you need to make plans to leave. It won't get any better.

Oh good. He's an arsehole so he must be autistic.

Ffs. I'm so sick of this assumption.

He's an arsehole because he's an arsehole.

Also, leave. He's unhinged.

Time to seriously decide whether you want to live like this for the rest of your life. It’s His house and not your home even after all these years, he clearly doesn’t view you as an equal. Closing curtains shouldn’t be argued about and he shouldn’t be calling you names.

He called you a cunt? I'd leave him for that. Curtains ain't the issue here

Massive, massive red flag to me! Really not typical behaviour in a relationship. You definitely shouldn't need to 'pluck up the courage' to ask something so simple.

You shouldn’t have to tip toe around him , he sounds like a nasty bully .
You do not have to put up with this .
He has issues ..

When he starts revving up I'm usually quite quick to nip it in the bud

And what about your feelings? Don't you matter? Does he show you the same consideration you show him? Doesn't sound like it. He sounds like an arsehole to be honest. I wouldn't want to stay with him.

He just sounds deeply unpleasant.

I think I’d be spending most of my time upstairs/generally away from his company.

I’d also expect his behaviour to escalate once he realises you won’t tolerate him any more.

Do you have any family nearby?