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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to want to close the curtains at 9pm?

72 replies

Estara · 28/04/2020 21:50

It's been a long standing argument between me and my OH. He won't allow us to have blinds at the windows so when it gets dark I like to close the curtains as I don't like to be watched whilst relaxing in my own home. We live on a busy street and you can make eye contact with people as they walk past.
He's become obsessive about it lately and we've had some pretty bad rows the last few nights resulting in me spending my evenings upstairs. His reasoning is that it's shutting the day out. It's dark at 9pm, I grit my teeth and feel conscious of being on show to the world until I pluck up courage to ask if I can close the curtains. I'm only allowed to close them a little bit as the TV is in the window so I can close them to where the TV is. They had been like that for 30 minutes when I got up to close them properly. I never dreamt that asking to close the curtains at night would be an issue. I've just been called a C**t for disregarding his feelings and ruining his night by closing the curtains fully. I've apologised to him 6 times and he's ranted at me for half an hour about how I'm in the wrong for doing it. He's took himself off for a walk to cool down! I struggle to cope with his logic. Surely closing curtains should never be an issue!?

OP posts:

DamnYankee · 29/04/2020 00:56

YANBU
Get counseling for yourself and then get a plan together for how you want to proceed....

Holothane · 29/04/2020 01:01

I always say shall I close the curtains for us it’s the end of daylight and start of cosy night time, he’s a disgrace I’d leave.

squeekums · 29/04/2020 01:02

Ours close as soon as its dark

But, curtains aint your issue, he is the issue

CJsGoldfish · 29/04/2020 01:33

I've often wondered if he is on the autistic spectrum with the way he reacts

Or he's just a nasty twat.

If you are happy to live like that, all good. If you are not able to recognise that it's not right, all good.
Don't make bullshit excuses because of it though.

NeutrinoWrangler · 29/04/2020 01:58

That's not a normal thing to have frequent, bad arguments about.

What is the relationship like, otherwise? Are you other things you're not "allowed" to do in your own home (because in an 8-year relationship where you live together, that is your home, even if you don't own it, and he's a crappy partner if he doesn't make you feel at home there)?

Does he sulk or become verbally aggressive about other things?

I wouldn't be happy with a man who "went there" (nuclear-level insults) over something as trivial as you wanting the curtains shut at night like most normal people do.

NeutrinoWrangler · 29/04/2020 02:00

Are *there other things you're not "allowed" to do?, that should say.

PancakesAndSyrup · 30/04/2020 09:23

He shouldn't be calling you a c* for starters. He sounds like a bully op and it sounds like there's no compromise with him. I wouldn't like people looking into my house at night either. I have blinds but I often have my curtains closed before it gets dark.

Gawdsake2020 · 30/04/2020 09:27

He called you a cunt for closing the curtains? !What else does he do OP? Sounds extremely unhealthy that you’re scared to shut the curtains because of his behaviour.

canklekitten · 30/04/2020 09:35

PLEASE PLEASE LEAVE HIM

No ifs, no buts JUST DO IT!!!!

pilates · 30/04/2020 09:44

YANBU
Is this the straw that broke the camel’s back? I’m sure there is more to this unhappy relationship than just the curtains.

Zhuleva · 30/04/2020 09:55

It's not about the curtains, it's about you having the temerity to do something that he doesn't approve of. He sounds like a massive bell-end. If it was me I'd be running for the hills. I wish you the best of luck - you deserve much better

WildfirePonie · 30/04/2020 10:07

Please leave, he sounds abusive.

LatteLover12 · 30/04/2020 11:38

Bloody hell OP, he calls you a cunt for closing the curtains?!

If a friend told you that about her relationship what would you say?

You have to leave, what is the point in a relationship where one person is so controlling and spiteful?

brassbrass · 30/04/2020 11:45

If curtains are a trigger to calling you a c* then really there is no hope. I'm assuming that there will be other things that indicate that you live very much in HIS house and that it's not your home together.

Get out as soon as you can.

brassbrass · 30/04/2020 11:50

For reference I close my street level curtains as soon as lights go on because like you people can see everything as they walk by which is not very private or relaxing. In winter that can be as early as 4pm! What would he have to say about that?! In summer if anyone is trying to watch something during the day the curtains get closed because you can't see anything on the screen otherwise!

In your shoes I'd be prepared to go to WW3 if anyone tried to restrict me in a similar way!

Spiffingly · 30/04/2020 11:55

Old me would smash the windows. New me would simply put him under the patio. Cheaper.

Hairdowntohisknees · 30/04/2020 11:59

Can you afford to rent somewhere on your own?

Ludo19 · 30/04/2020 16:23

He's not autistic he's an argumentative difficult cunt and your life will be ruined.

Baconisgoodformeee · 30/04/2020 16:56

What happens when you just calmly say “how can it be ‘shutting the day out’ when it’s nighttime?”

Umnoway · 30/04/2020 16:59

Never understood people who don’t close them at night, it’s really weird especially when you live on a busy street with the potential for people to look in.

Poodles03 · 30/04/2020 17:08

I quite like the curtains/blinds open in the evening - I like to see the night sky and the lights from people's windows in the distance looks cozy and cute to me. We are not really overlooked though. But my husband doesn't like it, he likes his privacy, he doesn't want strangers seeing him picking his nose from 800 feet away. So we have a compromise - some nights we leave them open and some nights we leave them closed. It's really nothing to have an aneurysm over or get divorced over.

Me and my husband get on each other's tits every day over the air conditioning. I'm always fucking freezing and he's always saying ''he can't breathe;'' if it's on . So when his back's turned, I surreptitiously turn it to heat, when my back's turned he surreptitiously turns it back to cold. This goes on all day, every day. One day when one of us snuffs it, one of us will finally be like a pig in clover, with either the heating up to 95 or the air con on 65.

Runnerduck34 · 30/04/2020 17:46

Yanbu, as soon as it is dusk and you switch your lights on passersby will be able to see inside unless you close the curtains, I would want privacy too.
I think your DH is bang out of order for calling you a c**t for wanting them closed, he sounds absolutely awful and very controlling and I think there is probably bigger problems here than closing the curtains. Respect and compromise is important in any relationship. If it comes it would you both compromise and take turns in having curtains closed/ open on alternate nights ?

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