To feel uncomfortable when my child plays on her own?

[Rainbowb]

She’s eight, shy but bright with a kind nature. But always when she plays with her toys she holds them right up to her face and her face looks really intense, like she’s screaming. She has always done this but the older she gets, the more uncomfortable I feel when she does it. I can’t hear what she’s saying, she kind of whispers her dialogue. I feel awful saying it but I almost can’t bear it! It doesn’t feel like a normal way to play! Has anyone else had this with their child? I know it’s only imaginary play but it seems extremely intense! Please be kind, I love my girl but I’m worried about this behaviour that I’ve never seen another child do.

I do think this is normal. All children do things that freak out their parents, I wish we had been warned of all the odd things they do.

What kind of toys is she playing with, does she need glasses maybe?

Just Lego figures, dolls etc. Her eyesight is very sharp.

That would concern me, I don't think it's 'normal'

Would you be able to video her doing it? Then talk to someone about it. - though not sure who?

I used to do this, I would be telling them off 😂 I think it was because I was frustrated in real life (parents divorce) and didn’t have an outlet for it.

Perhaps she’s frustrated with the lockdown and is doing a similar thing?

Have you asked inquisitively what she’s doing when she is doing it? Just making out like your interested in her play, not in an accusatory way?

I’m struggling to picture what you mean. So she looks like she’s screaming so mouth wide open? but she’s whispering at same time?

Maybe see what she’s saying? It can be normal once in a while but if she’s always like this she might be having difficulty handling her emotions over something.

My sister used to do this! She didn't have any friends as a kid and would really get into her stories with dolls. She was 13 before she stopped of her own accord.

I'd ask her too OP, but kids are strange anyway

Could you engage her when you see her doing it? You could say something like “oh that looks like an angry face DD was your Lego toy being naughty?” And give her the chance to explain what play she acting out.

It’s very hard to describe- but it’s like she’s acting out her toys yelling at each other but her face seems so absorbed in some kind of intense rage.

I remember my brother used to play like that until he was about 10 I think? It was definitely the last year of primary school.
He'd be in his own world, staring intently and right up close at his toys like you describe your daughter. Talking low so you couldn't quite hear what was being said.
Also he was obsessed with star wars and would be in the garden playing jedi knights all alone, chatting away to invisible forces, waving sticks around, but he never shouted like children do when they're playing outside, it was odd to observe.

But like I said when he got into his last year at primary school, it sort of stopped.

He's now 25, working in Canada as a cost consultant for one of the worlds biggest building contracting firms. He's pretty normal, still quite intense when he focuses on things, but I wouldn't say they way he played as a child has had much if any impact on his adult behaviours.

If you are concerned could you reach out to her teacher and ask if she played like this in school?

My DD does loads of weird stuff like this. Shouting and screaming is basically her default volume setting. Drives me insane!

My 7yo gives her toys into trouble sometimes and can look quite angry.

Maybe try and join in while she is doing it, ask what she's playing and see if you can get an insight.

I have tried to ask but she just gets embarrassed.

Thanks Cheesey that’s reassuring!!

No she’s had no trauma (certainly that I know of) but does suffer from anxiety. Won’t be in a room on her own and gets anxious at bedtime.

I’d just let her be her herself. There is no “right way” to play.

Have you ever asked her what she's saying? If she has a really vivid imagination it may just be that she is responding to what the character has said or done, particularly a negative thing? E.g "you horrible naughty fairy, you killed the imp" etc. Can't explain why she does it do close to toy, except you say she is shy. Maybe she does it because she's self conscious?

I wouldn't worry about it. It's good that she understands and can practice out emotions and facial expressions. The quiet kids who are always happy are the ones to worry about I think, because one day they'll be miserable as hell and need to cope.

Not really the same but my sons pre-school would freak out that he played with trains a lot and would get absorbed in building stuff, he had an impressive amount of focus and self sufficiency for a 3 year old let alone a 7 year old like he is now. They got loads of reports written about his abnormal behaviour etc and we even ended up sent to a paediatrician who thankfully threw it all in the bin as there was nothing to diagnose him with. Anyway, he's not an adult yet so can't tell you how weird he'll be when he grows up but he's a perfectly normal 7 year old just very bright. Life got better when he got away from that f*** up preschool!

Just because kids don't fit the mould doesn't mean the mould is any good. I recommend the 'highly sensitive child' don't know it'll ring any bells for you, but I found it interesting.

Can you ask her to write a story about her toys, to see what she says there?

Children can be so funny! I’ve been teaching for 20 years, 3 dc of my own & I find them all wonderfully creative and slightly bananas in their own way. Her way of Playing with dolls is nothing to worry about at all, especially as you said she is a kind & a bright girl.

Lay off your kid and let her play

I did this OP, got home videos of it ! I did it until around the age of 10, and then it sort of just stopped and I started senior school and never did it again. I don’t quite remember what I was thinking but I can assure you I’m completely normal (just pregnant and emotional now) , but I’m happy and healthy and very sociable now !