To feel uncomfortable when my child plays on her own?

[Rainbowb]

She’s eight, shy but bright with a kind nature. But always when she plays with her toys she holds them right up to her face and her face looks really intense, like she’s screaming. She has always done this but the older she gets, the more uncomfortable I feel when she does it. I can’t hear what she’s saying, she kind of whispers her dialogue. I feel awful saying it but I almost can’t bear it! It doesn’t feel like a normal way to play! Has anyone else had this with their child? I know it’s only imaginary play but it seems extremely intense! Please be kind, I love my girl but I’m worried about this behaviour that I’ve never seen another child do.

My friends DD who is 5 does this! She also bites toys she likes because she is so excited! Proper rage on face mouth wide open bite to the face

I'd leave the poor kid to it. Children are just super weird, and if she's embarrassed when you ask then she's probably aware that the things she feels drawn to playing privately are not behaviours she'd act out in public.

There was a really good thread a few months or a year ago about what weird things MNers did as kids. It was hysterical and concerning. Most people seem to have become well-adjusted adults despite being very peculiar children.

No she’s had no trauma (certainly that I know of) but does suffer from anxiety. Won’t be in a room on her own and gets anxious at bedtime.

Do you think there's any chance at all that  she might be acting out  to  the toys,   threats or abuse  by someone who has told her to keep quiet,  never  say that "game" aloud ,  never tell anyone ? (Something about the combination of fierce  expression,  whispering, and too embarrassed to tell you what it's about).  That might also reflect on why she's afraid  at bedtime , or alone in a room.

Sorry. I know its awful.

DS2 plays like this. The best time was when I walked back into the kitchen while he was eating lunch and he was playing with two lovely big crisps. He had one in each hand and I think there was some kind of interglactic battle going on between them from all the shaking and sound effects. He holds the objects he's playing with up to his face, screws his face up and quivers with excitement, with lots of chirruping and wittering.

At school, if he's excited, he pulls his hands towards his face and quivers too. His teacher last year wondered what he was doing as he moved his hands from his paper to his head and back repeatedly. She asked, and he said it helped him to get the information in his head

He's been like this since a baby. I remember looking for a nice smiley photo and so many were blurred because he constantly quivered with happiness. He is a high energy, happy child. His sibling has diagnoses for SNs, but I don't think DS2 has any. His attention span and social skills are decent. He is just very enthusiastic and a bit eccentric (in a lovely way).

I love watching him play and get absorbed into his own world. Now he's 7, he's getting a bit embarassed about being spotted. I was quite similar in playing out multiple roles out loud, but with less face screwing and quivering though!

Could you get down and play with her?
Your actions to your doll could be really kind and respectful and just let her do her thing. That way, you could show her by example. Kids learn from us all the time. She might just be copying things she sees in cartoons, where they can be quite shouty with each other. Your roll play could get really good results where your doll tells you how kind and nice you are and that she really loves how you speak to her etc etc

Child play to process thoughts and experiences in the same way that adults talk them through.

She is just experimenting with intense experiences. It's fine.

DS can be a bit funny about bedtimes, the dark and being alone, but it's nothing more worrying than his vivid imagination. He had a phase of nightmares when he was about 3, and we did have to avoid certain stories that triggered bad dreams.
He still doesn't like Trolls with its themes of cute characters being eaten by baddies!

It’s like play therapy. She’s acting out feelings - some to just explore, some her own. It’s actually really healthy. Please don’t stop her

If you have reason to suspect she is being abused then of course get professional support, but I have known lots of children do this who are absolutely fine - just exploring their world, feelings and ideas. It’s a bit like how you might mutter FFS or turn on the radio loudly to an angry song in a car to get out some negative feelings.

If there’s a parent on here who hasn’t seen their kid do something they think isn’t normal then I’d hazard a guess they don’t spend much time around their kids. They’re all weird . All people are.

I work with kids, this is totally normal

Lots of small children do this with their toys, it does not mean they are disturbed in any way, they perhaps have very strong imaginative tendencies. Maybe she will be very artistic later on, and be a great actress. If she has a great home life with no problems,it won't be an anger thing with her.

My DD used to tie her Barbies up to table legs and chair legs.
I asked her recently (she's 19) why she did it - not a clue, can barely remember doing it.

She is certainly not being abused!! She has a lovely life. She developed a fear of intruders after school played a trick on her class.

Thank you all for your reassurance! I just didn’t want to leave it in case it was a sign of something. If it’s normal, that’s a relief!!

I'd have a look at 'playful parenting' and the work of Alfie Kohn. Basically kids play can seem really disturbing to adults - but it's all good, healthy and necessary.

www.playfulparenting.com/

She may need help with some issue, you may notice that something is coming up in her play that you decide to have a chat about at another time, or help her to 'play it out', but interrupting her play will not help, at all.

Op, I was obsessed with horses when I was little. Like, obsessed obsessed. I had an imaginary horse, whose name was Lightning and he was black with a white lightning bolt on his head. He was glorious, faster than black beauty, braver than any other horse out there - what a steed!

In reality... he was a wall. I put my coat over a wall in the back garden as a 'saddle' and we rode on amazing adventures. Also, I created showjumps out of flower pots and jumped 'him' over them in the back garden. My parents I'm sure were but it did burn itself out!

I'm a totally functional adult now, promise. Good job, 'bright' in a creative, left field sort of way, lovely DS, DH etc.

Imaginative play can take all sorts of shapes and sizes. It can be seen as a creative outlet, it doesn't necessarily mean she has a trauma to process. It might be useful if you think of all the different ways artists chose to express themselves. Children are experiencing life and interpreting it through play, her interpretation has this element to it. It's hard to accept children's norms as we think we have to be so involved in every aspect of their lives, to react correctly to all of them. No one knows what is going in in play, it is unique.

It sounds as if your dd has the ability to create an amazing imaginary world. All children are different and I’m glad you feel reassured by the replies. The way you describe her play is like a character from a horror movie, when in fact she’s probably playing out her emotions. Getting her to talk about her toys, what they like doing and their characters could be a way to see inside her world and to find some connection between you. Perhaps this will be really interesting for you both.

@supersop60 my DD used to do the same thing! I'd find them tied up with hair ties and bits of ribbon! She doesn't remember it either (she's now a very normal 15 year old) but I remember being a bit freaked out by it!

My DS used to line all his toy cars up bumper to bumper as well, he'd spend ages getting them perfectly lined up and then leave them there. If you moved one he would get really cross and put it back in line.

They're all normal and happy, healthy teenagers now so try not to worry too much OP.

I used to play like this. I was a bit of a weird kid but certainly not abused or anything like it. It was just how I processed my inner stories (if that makes sense).

I'm a childrens therapist and work mainly through play with kids. Sounds absolutely fine and appropriate to me esp with anxiety info.

Dd does this with any little figures but it’s basically that she’s really into her game and very intense. It’s quite funny to watch but nothing weird about it.

She asked, and he said it helped him to get the information in his head

I love this!

And the wall horse!

Children’s minds are beautiful.

Perfectly normal -