Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel uncomfortable when my child plays on her own?

81 replies

Rainbowb · 28/04/2020 16:33

She’s eight, shy but bright with a kind nature. But always when she plays with her toys she holds them right up to her face and her face looks really intense, like she’s screaming. She has always done this but the older she gets, the more uncomfortable I feel when she does it. I can’t hear what she’s saying, she kind of whispers her dialogue. I feel awful saying it but I almost can’t bear it! It doesn’t feel like a normal way to play! Has anyone else had this with their child? I know it’s only imaginary play but it seems extremely intense! Please be kind, I love my girl but I’m worried about this behaviour that I’ve never seen another child do.

OP posts:
2bazookas · 28/04/2020 19:04

"She is certainly not being abused!! She has a lovely life. She developed a fear of intruders after school played a trick on her class."

    I'm really sorry my message hurt and offended you, that was not my intention.
LightenUpSummer · 28/04/2020 19:08

2bazookas I actually had the same thought as you, but that probably says more about my childhood than anything!

When I think back, the odd-looking role play I did with toys was acting out protecting them from danger (I lived in a very violent home)

Really hard to know everything a kid's been exposed to. I guess the thing is to keep the channels of communication open, and try not to worry.

SirVixofVixHall · 28/04/2020 19:13

I used to talk to my dolls, make them talk to each other, and I even remember getting angry with one doll, biting her, and throwing her across the room !
I am not a murderous psychopath ... 😁
I had a very vivid imagination. It is perfectly normal play.

Original poster
Rainbowb · 28/04/2020 19:16

That’s ok, I probably didn’t describe it very well! It’s more manic and intense rather than distressed looking. She’s a very happy girl generally, obviously something comes out in her play world and it’s all healthy Smile

OP posts:
Pinkblueberry · 28/04/2020 19:17

She just sounds very engrossed in her pretend play - as long as stays ‘pretend’ and she’s not getting genuinely angry and upset I wouldn’t worry. What does she do if you interrupt her?

StarShapedWindow · 28/04/2020 19:19

My son went through a phase of barking like a dog when he got excited. He’s 11 now and hasn’t done it for years but it’s fair to say we were very alarmed at the time. He’s very ‘normal’ now - as far as I know Wink

ambereeree · 28/04/2020 19:26

I used to do this OP. I think it's normal.

Traviis · 28/04/2020 19:42

I'm thinking about the transference here. What do you feel when you see her doing this?

Hunnybears · 28/04/2020 19:45

Only if my dear old family members used to always tell me that she was surprised my mam had children (with a wink)

Apparently she used to line all her dolls/teddies etc up... and whack them all with a stick and shout at them 😳 much to my nannas concern. Think they were a tad worried if she had kids

Anyway, thankfully for me she was the nicest/kindest mam!!

Hunnybears · 28/04/2020 19:46

One of my I mean

SuperMumTum · 28/04/2020 19:53

They're all odd in some way. I agree with the people who said to join in and see what's happening if you're worried. My DD will not really play on her own at all. Occasionally she'll get engrossed in an art project but she's never played with dolls or Lego. Any any imaginary play she might have done when she was really young had to have an adult there with her.

ANoiseAnnoys · 28/04/2020 20:06

I don’t think you have anything to worry about. My dd8’s thing atm is drawing different variations of the same cartoon character, over and over and over again! She spends hours doing it and there are piles of almost identical drawings. She sometimes almost finishes one and then discards it to start again because it isn’t “right”! She also gets embarrassed when I try to look at what she’s doing and hides her drawings! I just think she’s creative and also has a bit of an obsessive personality.
She was arguing with her dh the other day and shouted “when you’re asleep tonight I’m going to creep into your room and kill you!” Obviously I told her off but it doesn’t worry me as having 4 dc’s has taught me that they say the most appalling things to one another but would never (thankfully) act on it. Some people who don’t understand kids would maybe find it disturbing though,!

Your dd just sounds like she has a good imagination and is “acting” out a story in her head.

Pickles89 · 28/04/2020 20:22

@pandarific

See, that is how childhood is MEANT to be! None of this 'ipad' crap! I had a golden retriever called Sally who came with me to school. And I went to a secret nightime ballet class. And had an exotic best friend called Diamond. Ah, nostalgia...

OP I wouldn't stress it at all, it sounds perfectly normal. I used to nanny for the sweetest little boy on earth - I would have adopted him if I could. But he would regularly torture the dollshouse baby, shutting it in the little wooden washing machine etc. Freedom with toys is really important for working through emotions. If your daughter is generally happy and you're not having any issues with her, leave her to it.

CrystalTipped · 28/04/2020 20:23

It's imaginative play, it's perfectly normal. Hovering and questioning her is more likely to cause problems than just letting her do her thing.

SparkleM · 28/04/2020 20:29

My partner used to do this when he was a kid. We have a photo of him doing it with an action man toy held right in front of his eyes. I’d never heard of it before! He seems to have grown up relatively ok.

AuntMasha · 28/04/2020 20:38

I used to do this up until about the age of 13! I was a sensitive, quiet child but I had intense emotions and I think it was a cathartic method of dealing with and processing them. I also had anxiety because my brother’s adhd could be challenging for the family to cope with.

FizzyGreenWater · 28/04/2020 20:40

I think this sounds ok. It sounds as if she is expressing her anxieties in a way that's safe for her. That's good - she sounds imaginative.

I would leave it - in fact I'd go further - I think I'd find a way, casually, to try and let her know that it's good to put your feelings 'out there' using safe spaces such as play. 'Maybe you will write a really powerful book one day DD, I can see how much you put your imagination and the strong feelings you have about things into your play-acting - how interesting and clever of you'.

Griefmonster · 28/04/2020 20:53

Hello @Rainbowb - you sound reassured now so I don't wish to over-egg the point but there is a very wide range of "normal" behaviour in life.

I am with @Traviis though - What are you bringing to this observation?

You might benefit from a bit of reflection on why this has been so noticeable to you. And concentrate on seeing your DD as a whole person with her own interests and behaviours - is this "odd" for her (i.e. a change in behaviour that might indicate an issue) or just something you don't "get"?

billy1966 · 28/04/2020 21:02

When one of my daughters was 7 she had a right screamer for a teacher. Nice woman, but a shocking screamer at times.

Never bothered my daughter, she looks back on the year fondly.😳

However, there were a good 1/3 of the class disturbed by her and there were a load of complaints and such was the number and the threats made to the school, to seriously blow the issue up...she calmed down a good bit.

My daughter never expressed any anxiety about it and i would ask her regularly.

What i did notice was the screaming she did at some Bratz dolls she had, when playing.

The same when her pals would come over, they played...lets really scream at the dolls.ShockConfused
They really enjoyed it too, because I spoke to her about it. I think she found it cathartic, the power....

I definitely think she used that game to work out whatever anxiety she was feeling in this way.

CustardySergeant · 28/04/2020 21:08

"When one of my daughters was 7 she had a right screamer for a teacher. Nice woman, but a shocking screamer at times."

That's really bizarre. Why on earth would a teacher scream? I'm not surprised there were complaints.

BooseysMom · 28/04/2020 21:15

@pandarific...ah same here! My noble steed was an old oil barrel! I was also a silver brumby for most of my childhood! It stopped when i was about 13.

beccalyn · 28/04/2020 21:24

I used to do this as a child! I remember doing it and I think it was because I was just really involved in the imaginary game I was playing. I used to get my dolls and hold them up to my face and stare intensely at them. My mum told me that her and my dad were worried about it at one stage. There was nothing wrong with me and I've grown up into a normal person (I like to think! Grin). I really wouldn't worry about it kids do some funny things I think it's just their brain making sense of the world around them.

billy1966 · 28/04/2020 21:31

@Custody

Don't know why but she was really known for it.

She was also known for being incredibly arty and for doing crafty projects with them. The girls really adored this.
Never minded the classroom getting filthy too.

As i said, she did calm down on the back of the parents really making a colossal fuss.

But she actually is my daughter's favourite teacher from that school.

She vaguely remembers the screaming,but she vividly remembers the constant art projects.

I will admit, not all the class remember her as fondly though!

Huncamuncaa · 28/04/2020 21:46

I would just let her do it. Playing is how children let off steam and deal with their emotions. It's good she can completely be herself at home. And if she is embarrassed when caught doing it then that would suggest she has self awareness and probably doesn't play like that with peers?

morelikeaclubsandwich · 28/04/2020 21:51

It's a fantasy world like art and literature. Children play like adults think, it's just that their internal world is being expressed externally. Imagine if your partner or friends could see all your thoughts being acted out! She's just working out her thoughts and feelings through play.