Relocating to the US this year?

[Jamandbreadd]

Looking for views from people particularly those based in the US I guess. We were supposed to relocate with dh job to the US (NYC) next month. Clearly this was put off quite quickly due to covid, we were jsut beginning visa applications with his company in March and nothing further has happened. I now have no idea what to expect. Obviously no crystal ball, but how realistic is it that we will relocate to NY this year now? And/or would you think it was crazy to go ahead with it?
Need some advice as I hear some very scary things coming out of the US and our whole year has been thrown into doubt. Our jobs are fine (for now) if we stay in the U.K. Dh is very excited about this opportunity but we have a school age dd and I don’t wish to put anyone at risk.
Any thoughts at all?

personally i wouldn't want to live in a country that has nutters arming themselves to the back teeth. that is somewhat worrying in my book.

Jamandbreadd, I would tell your husband that it will be a very big concern that you will not be earning money when you move to hipster-heaven Brooklyn.

Start writing down some numbers and have some discussions about money with him.

How much income do the two of you bring home right now, combined? Write it down. How much income will he be bringing home each month in the new job in New York? Remind him that you will not be earning money. Does he know precisely what he will be receiving each month, after taxes and health insurance premium payments have been deducted?

Will his company pay for moving expenses for all three of you? Will health insurance cover all three of you? If it's hard to find a good school, private school for her will be expensive.

Presumably he's thinking he wants to live in Williamsburg, Brooklyn. Is that where his friend lives? All of the cool neighbourhoods in Brooklyn are very expensive and you'll need a two-bedroom apartment. Can you start researching the cost of monthly rent for 2-bedroom apartments? Also, the cost of heat, electricity, wifi, food shopping.

Don't be afraid to stand your ground and have some discussions about income and costs. As you say, he tends to be naive and he's excited about this job opportunity but it's not fair for him to tell you, "oh, things will all work out, you're just scared, blah, blah.". I would be very concerned about you having to sacrifice your job.

He would be earning just under $200k. They would pay for relocation package which is good and health insurance for all of us but the cost of a 2 bed anywhere we like would eat up around half his salary and I’m not banking on being able to bring in money certainly at first. Compared to now we net around £150k between us in London and have decent savings and a good budget, dd is in a fine state primary.
It’s not a lot is it. We keep saying “it’s just for a year or so” but how can you really know that. What if one of us ends up in ICU with covid god forbid? That’s our savings trickling away. I don’t think that even with work authorisation I can bring in a decent wage he there, my skills are quite uk specific and I would want to fit around dd school hours anyway. I am well aware NY is a tough place even without an upcoming recession.
I am going to have to stand quite firm on this arent I.

OP
Don’t present the answer of a no to NYC.
Sit down like mananginged said and add up the income versus the costs, start listing the costs of everything from federal, state and city income taxes to health insurance to housing to education and then let the penny drop that NYC is a bad idea. That is enough to carry the argument. If you go in with a no upfront, he will be defensive and discount what you say. Sometimes it’s better to lay out the facts and then go “I’d love to go but it doesn’t look like a smart thing to do for our family...”

We lived in Florida for 4yrs with a DH and 4 children. We had a great experience despite the various culture shocks others have described. But because we had our relocation back to France negotiated and paid for as part of the agreement to go, so we had no fear of being stuck there and knowing we were definitely coming back helped us enjoy ourselves. We did have to put the children in a private school though (it was $15,000/yr per child) keep in mind every State grades their own schools, so all the States say their State public schools are A schools, but really most of them are terrible.

Earning just under $200k means they’re offering him the same after currency conversion as what you both earn now (£150k). It won’t be enough to maintain the same standard of living you have in London because NYC is about 20% higher cost of living. NYC also has much higher crime rate, so it’s not as safe even if you are in an equivalent neighbourhood.

Your net after taxes will be about the same. In the U.K., you only pay income taxes to HMRC. In NYC, you will be paying three sets of income taxes- Federal, State and City. NY and CA have the highest state income tax rates in the US.

I'm in NY, while it sounds ok on paper it really isn't. Of course it depends what you will earn, but that's not a certainty is it? I wouldn't do it in your position, it sounds like you will never get the same quality of life as you have in the UK. It is fun for a short while (we came as ex-pats) but that is not a good salary for NYC unless your rent is also paid.

Another factor: cost of flights back to UK....... you'd probably want to come and visit at least once a year.

And then there's all the friends and rellies who suddenly fancy a holiday in the Big Apple and think it won't be too much trouble for you to put them up. You only have 2 bedrooms? No worries, we'll sleep on the floor....

Also separate from the specifics of your move there is a thread in 'living overseas' which is about the emotional and practical impact of living in another country to your family at the moment with limited flights, quarantine etc

I have posted, am living in another European country and feel very sad about not being able to see my family until when???

These are valid fears

Just under $200k would be a stretch out here. Please go over that budget carefully.

We’re on a fair whack more than that, living over 40 miles outside of the city, and it’s manageable - but we definitely wouldn’t be able to maintain that on city rents. That’s why we live out here.

Yes, the employer may provide health insurance, but the common practice is to only pay a percentage of the premium. We pay $450 per month on top of what my company kicks in; DH’s company’s insurance costs over twice that based on how much his employer contributes. And even with very good insurance procedures can be super expensive. A&E visits for me are $300 per visit plus separate billing for contracted services like specialists...not something you want to have to consider when you’re rushing there at 2 am with your newborn. And to touch on that, it cost me over $5000 to have my baby here in the US with insurance - and that was after meeting my deductible.

So while I don’t entirely find @Quizacabusi’s lived experience to be like mine, there’s quite a lot I would caution you to consider very carefully before revisiting this idea, particularly with regard to financial matters.

@gwenneh can I ask what do you/your husband do? Do you work in the city?

Your joint income would all be his. That would be a huge issue for me.

Before you get to disrupting your DD's education and social circle, pausing if not stalling your career, running down your savings and putting both buying a home and TTC on hold - also how long into a new job until your maternity leave entitlement? There seems little in this for you or your DD.

@Jamandbreadd I’m a marketing director, he’s a software developer. Neither of us works in the city now; the commute is a nightmare, the hours long, and the lifestyle punishing. We were used to the long hours from London but got very tired of 2-3 hours of commuting each way (this part of the country is notorious for having the longest commute times) and having the DC in childcare for so much of the day.

This is my worry. Dd is young enough that I don’t want her to be in childcare in a strange place while me and dh work long hours to pay for another expensive city (we have been doing this pretty much all her life in London!) It looks like places out of the City are more affordable and greener but we currently have hardly any commute and there one or both of us would have to commute. I had these concerns before covid but now I feel like we would be sleepwalking into a move during a global pandemic which could cost us our health and/or a lot of unforeseen costs. If things were upticking in the US it would feel a little easier, but I’m scared of being unemployed for an unforeseen amount of time, and i don’t want to have to rent in London for even longer this year then rent in NY for a year, two years. It feels like it makes sense to just consolidate what we have here and let it be for now.

Again, I'm not seeing one advantage for you or your daughter OP.

I hope your DH is open to the conversation. Make him come up with some positives for you.

But I do think the hit to your career is a major one. And please do read that other thread that was linked to in a previous post. Eye-opening

I think the positive for me/dd as I/we saw it was an adventure, a short/mid term one, in an amazing place. I lived abroad as a child (on traditional ex pat package with housing provided though I believe) and it really made me love travel and new experiences. I wanted to give dd that. Admittedly though there are less expensive/politically fraught places where we could do that.. NY always felt like a budget stretch but is so exciting that I felt we couldn’t turn it down. I think I really want a change, sick of London and our area and want a move, but this one isn’t the right one for us.

Given your other current thread - I wouldn't be moving into the next room with him, let alone crossing the Atlantic

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3896366-My-H-is-doing-hardly-anything-and-I-m-so-cross