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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Overheard a huge row

90 replies

TechnicallyNo · 27/04/2020 17:36

This has been playing on my mind and I'm wondering what others would have done. Behind my house is garages owned by the surrounding houses accessed by a private driveway down the side of my house. There is a couple that are always parked up down there as they obviously go there to meet. I don't know anything about them but I have seen them and they seem to be Muslim so this could be a secret relationship. I often smell weed in the garden and they leave a load of rubbish in front of the garage when they've gone.

Anyway yesterday they were parked down there and I could hear the woman wailing and crying and them arguing. My kids were enjoying the garden as it was a warm day and I had to take them in the house as they were being really loud. She was shouting about wanting to take her own life and he was retorting with shut the fuck up you stupid bitch and things like that.
I tried to call 111 but I was worried that if they knew I had then they might do something to my house. I dont know it was just a frightening situation and I wonder what you would have done?
I wanted to tell them to get lost because of the noise and the fact that there are children in all the surrounding gardens.

They calmed down eventually and the noise stopped but they are parked down there daily usually in the middle of the night so I still kind of want to tell them it was unacceptable and people could hear

OP posts:
crosser62 · 27/04/2020 17:40

Wouldn’t have called 111, did you mean 101 for the police?

wigornian · 27/04/2020 17:40

I wouldn’t confront them - they will know they could be heard and should know it’s unacceptable- but don’t care. If you are concerned about breaches to the peace or loitering then ring the police when it happens.

HollowTalk · 27/04/2020 17:42

Do they stay in the car? I'm just wondering how you'd hear them.

Original poster
TechnicallyNo · 27/04/2020 17:44

Sorry yes 101!

OP posts:
Original poster
TechnicallyNo · 27/04/2020 17:47

They have a car each. Turn up separately and get into one car. Yesterday they were not in either car when rowing so could be heard. It was very intense, the woman was hysterical and I was scared to be honest. But now I'm just pissed off that they are always there and leave a load of shit behind. Tissues and water bottles mainly so I'm guessing they are up to things when they get there in the middle of the night. I think one of them owns the garage they park by so I dont think I can do anything?

OP posts:
InFiveMins · 27/04/2020 17:51

I wouldn't confront them OP.

I think I would keep an ear out in the future and if it happened again, I'd call 101.

MrsGrindah · 27/04/2020 17:52

How would they know it’s you who rang the police? I think you could have justified ringing the police if you thought someone was at risk but now I think it’s too late. They are not going to be interested in people leaving out rubbish.

Mitzdob · 27/04/2020 17:53

Don't confront them as they are likely to turn on you. That's what I was told when I rang police over an domestic abuse incident.

user1471517900 · 27/04/2020 17:53

Love the irrelevant race/religion part in the OP here

StatementKnickers · 27/04/2020 17:56

Not voting as I don't really know what your question is but I would have either asked them to calm down or called the police. If they are just using the private driveway as a shagging meeting place then the garage owners might want to block it off with a chain or bollard. Do you have one of the garages yourself, or do you know how to contact the owners?

Original poster
TechnicallyNo · 27/04/2020 18:00

Yes I own one of the garages. Cant really block the road off because people access it all day and use it as their driveway

OP posts:
StuckInnTheMiddle · 27/04/2020 18:00

This reply has been deleted

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MrsGrindah · 27/04/2020 18:02

Ring 101 and say what? There’s some people in a car outside a garage? Do you really think the police have the resources to deal with this?

thesesocksaretootight · 27/04/2020 18:10

For something like that I would have dialled 999.

That poor woman.

user1471517900 · 27/04/2020 18:15

Yes I'm an idiot for bringing it up. How would your advice be different if you didn't know or assume their religion? It wouldn't and so the info is irrelevant.

Original poster
TechnicallyNo · 27/04/2020 18:17

I didnt ring 999 as there was no physical violence just shouting and swearing. Obviously she was talking about wanting to end her life so she was very distressed but I dont see what the police could have done about that

OP posts:
LouHotel · 27/04/2020 18:19

Speak to your neighbours as you won’t be the only one annoyed, you could then potentially work as a team to combat,

3rdNamechange · 27/04/2020 18:19

Also , apart from anything else , they probably shouldn't be meeting up.

Thinkingabout1t · 27/04/2020 18:21

Nasty situation. Do you have Neighbourhood Watch, or a local WhatsApp group, to share your concerns with?

If one of the couple owns a garage, could you leave a note pinned on it asking them to take their litter away with them?

Can you get the registration numbers and let the police know about the drugs? If you can smell weed in the garden, and they leave litter, you should be able to find evidence for the police.

The annoying thing is that most of us wouldn't be bothered if they were considerate! It's the noise and litter that make it antisocial.

willowmelangell · 27/04/2020 18:24

Just going to throw this idea out there. Get a huge piece of cardboard, write on it, 'We can all hear you arguing and shagging. Please go away. Stop leaving your litter. You are spoiling our evenings. Regards. The neighbourhood."
Tape it to an obvious but neutral post/wall/tree
Yes, I realise I am not being sensitive to the woman's inner turmoil and distress. Their relationship should be their own business not broadcast on nightly Shagathon.EchoAlley for all and sundry to endure.

alittlequinnie · 27/04/2020 18:26

I range 999 once at 5am in the morning when I heard a massive argument right outside my window. One man, two women. Man was punching woman 2 in the face and screaming at her and the he picked up woman 1 and carried her into the house over his shoulder screaming "you're gonna pay for this" - Police eventually turned up about 4 hours later. I was really scared for the woman he took into the house.

I posted it on here - got a lot of abuse for expecting the Police to attend an incident such as this - got callled "sweetcheeks" and everything!

Not sure what the Police would do in your instance?

Where I live we have a lot of people trying to have sex in their cars as it is a quiet spot - my husband goes out, shines a torch in the car, and politely says "do you need any help with anything?" - they usually scarper pretty quick. Perhaps you could do something like that? :O

Ponoka7 · 27/04/2020 18:26

It sounds like she could be pregnant, which then makes religion relevant. That would have been my guess, so i wouldn't have phoned the police. I would have kept an ear out for escalation.

If he owns the garage and it's a forbidden thing, he isn't likely to react badly to you shouting over to keep the noise down.

ChandlerIsTheBestFriend · 27/04/2020 18:30

Tbh, I’d probably have shouted “Oi! fuck off go and have your row somewhere else. there are kids here.”

ScrapThatThen · 27/04/2020 18:31

Sounds more like possible sexual exploitation than relationship but who knows.

OldEvilOwl · 27/04/2020 18:36

The note on the door is a good idea, also speak to your neighbours if possible and see if they are annoyed by them too

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