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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

...to think this will be fine, maybe even fun?!

98 replies

LooseyGoosey · 27/04/2020 13:39

We're expecting our first baby at the end of September and my best friend is getting married at the end of November. I'm due to be a bridesmaid and whilst they're having a no kids wedding, babes in arms are a-ok. The wedding is just outside Edinburgh and we live in London. We'll do the drive over a couple of days and stop off with family en route north, then we'll be staying at the venue once we're there. We might get a cottage near by to slightly extend the trip. I'll still be breastfeeding but my partner will be there as well and will probably do the majority of care between feeds, I might try and express a bit too.

Am I being totally naive to think it will be ok? Is there anything I need to figure out waaaaaay in advance that might not have occurred to me?

OP posts:

museumum · 27/04/2020 16:37

I'd fly and pick up a hire car. And yes, i know about emissions etc. and i don't fly at the drop of a hat but for this i would. Alternatively i'd get the train first class (at a non-business travel time of day).

minettechatouette · 27/04/2020 16:40

@havendilemma - sorry you are incorrect about the environmental impact of flying. See here figures from the European Environment Agency about average CO2 emissions per passenger per km: www.eea.europa.eu/media/infographics/co2-emissions-from-passenger-transport/view. Also, CO2 emissions are more harmful when emitted into the upper atmosphere, so per gram aeroplane emissions are worse than those of cars/trains, and also planes have non-CO2 emissions which cars/trains don't, which are bad for the environment too (see eg www.newscientist.com/article/2207886-it-turns-out-planes-are-even-worse-for-the-climate-than-we-thought/, www.bbc.co.uk/news/science-environment-49349566)

"A return flight from London to San Francisco emits around 5.5 tonnes of CO2 equivalent (CO2e) per person – more than twice the emissions produced by a family car in a year, and about half of the average carbon footprint of someone living in Britain. Even a return flight from London to Berlin emits around 0.6 tonnes CO2e – three times the emissions saved from a year of recycling." www.bbc.com/future/article/20200218-climate-change-how-to-cut-your-carbon-emissions-when-flying

Sorry to derail -- flying can be the best option and is often cheapest so this isn't a rant against anyone who flies shorthaul. But it is worse for the environment unfortunately.

Cathy1984 · 27/04/2020 16:41

I went to my brother's wedding when my ds was 4 weeks old. We travelled from Basingstoke to Birmingham, stayed in a hotel and attended the wedding without any issues. I was breast feeding too. Can't say it's as free and easy as attending a wedding without a baby but it was fine and the all the relatives loved meeting the baby x

Candyflosscookie · 27/04/2020 16:41

Glad you're positive and have lots of support OP. I would just sound a word of caution as you really will need to see how you and your baby are doing.
I couldn't have done it, but I had a long difficult birth with some complications after which meant I wasn't very well for several weeks after birth and doing something like this trip would have been completely out of the question for me. I was lucky to be alive frankly never mind able to travel or even stand up for a whole day.
I really hope you have a much better time and have a wonderful wedding but please make sure your bride (if she doesn't have much experience with people's birth stories) will be ok if you have to take a step back.

TheSkyWasDark · 27/04/2020 16:53

I wouldn't have been ready but everyone is different.

I had bad tearing and sitting was still pretty uncomfortable at that point plus I had bad PND.

If you're generally an easy going person, it'll probably be fine. I'm not so I couldn't have done it.

Winegumaddict · 27/04/2020 16:53

I did it with DD1. I think she was 8-10 weeks I can't remember exactly! We had a 5 hour drive to the wedding which took much longer but we just stopped as needed and didn't rush we made it 1 day of the holiday. I was a bridesmaid. We had bought the dress when I was about 4 month pregnant and I then had it altered I wasn't quite back to normal but not far off. I also had the strap adapted for BF. Super simple really. DH had DD during the ceremony I don't think she cried but he would have left of she did. Then we were together for the reception. I don't think I'd do it now I have toddlers 😂

TheSkyWasDark · 27/04/2020 16:56

@candyflosscookie yes, I agree with this. There are a lot of "stop moaning and get on with it" type mums on mn. But there's no shame in admitting to finding things difficult or being vulnerable. Not saying there's anything wrong with being capable either, obviously! But it is definitely ok to struggle and not be up to doing everything too.

Bluewater1 · 27/04/2020 17:15

I think baby will be fine at the wedding but I wouldn't personally do the journey by car. My babe would only tolerate an hour in the car until he was about 1 year old. I would fly for sure

Redwinestillfine · 27/04/2020 17:37

There's no guarantee that we won't be back in lockdown then, but if not and we no longer have to social distance then it will be fine.

Umnoway · 27/04/2020 17:40

They’re fine at that age, brilliant in fact. We travelled to the Lakes for a holiday last summer with DS who was 9 months old at the time and it was great. He just slept for most of the journey.

hilbil21 · 27/04/2020 17:48

I don't think the wedding will go ahead so I wouldn't worry to much about the specifics! My friend is due to get married at end of November and venue have suggested moving to next year due to social distancing etc

hilbil21 · 27/04/2020 17:49

*too

cultkid · 27/04/2020 17:50

They are easy at that stage
Not sure if you will be breast feeding so make sure you have a kitchen available to prepare milk and bottles safely
It will be fine and good on you xxx

DysonFury · 27/04/2020 17:53

A baby sling and plenty of breast pads and bosom accessible dresses and with a loving and supportive DP you should be good to go, all going as planned. Lovely to have your baby and another fabulous event to look forward to during these times

Noworrieshere · 27/04/2020 17:54

I was a bridesmaid when ds1 was a similar age and it was fine, except my dress was not breastfeeding friendly so I had to go off to my room and pretty much strip off when he wanted feeding. And he was really unsettled during the dinner so I missed most of my main course, but it was ok. I wouldn't have missed it

mamansnet · 27/04/2020 17:55

You'll be fine. Just remember than small children aren't supposed to stay in a car seat for longer than 90 minutes while you drive up!

gingerbeerandlemonade · 27/04/2020 18:12

They sleep so much then- you will be fine. Enjoy it because when they are toddlers it all changes.

snowybean · 27/04/2020 18:22

Your boobs may well be twice the size they are now (just warning ya!) so make sure you've got a dress you can adjust. My boobs growing was the biggest surprise.

As for the journey, it'll take twice as long as you would normally do it. It's definitely doable though, you just need a lot of patience. I drove with my 10-week old to the Brecon Beacons from London and it took 7h30m!

Also: beware of paying for parking at service stations if you're there for over two hours! Before having a baby, I never had to think about saying long in a service station car park. Lo and behold I received a parking fine for £60 (I appealed but parking companies have no soul).

Tigertrees · 27/04/2020 18:25

Just fly to Edinburgh? Far more opportunities to feed and change the baby. You won't need to rent a car unless you want to do some other travelling when here. I would bring your own carseat.
If you go up the motorway it's a nightmare when the baby cries and you cannot pull over for ages (and you cannot under any circumstances take them out while moving)

OoohTheStatsDontLie · 27/04/2020 20:06

It sounds fine as long as you're happy to go with the flow. Both of mine turned into devil children from about 6pm and cluster fed for a few hours from around 7 or 8 til 10 (literally crying and feeding the whole time). But outside this time would have been fine so would have been ok for ceremony and meal etc

AntiHop · 27/04/2020 20:14

When dd was a similar age I accompanied dp on a business trip as I thought that was the better option than being at home with a new born. We travelled by train and managed the luggage fine.

Tigertrees · 27/04/2020 20:19

@OoohTheStatsDontLie I forgot about that evening period of being really hungry/crying, I've heard it called the suicide hour before!

Sewinginscotland · 27/04/2020 21:14

DS was colicky and didn't sleep very well, he screamed like a banshee in the car till he was 3 months. So we wouldn't have managed at all. He mostly got over the colic by 8 weeks, but then the 8 week jabs knocked him for 6 for another week.

Unfortunately, you can't tell until baby gets here what they will be like! You might get a really laid back one.

If you do get the train, don't get first class! I felt so uncomfortable there with a 9mo. I definitely felt better in 'cattle class', the people around were very forgiving about baby noises (although he's a charmer).

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