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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

...to think this will be fine, maybe even fun?!

98 replies

LooseyGoosey · 27/04/2020 13:39

We're expecting our first baby at the end of September and my best friend is getting married at the end of November. I'm due to be a bridesmaid and whilst they're having a no kids wedding, babes in arms are a-ok. The wedding is just outside Edinburgh and we live in London. We'll do the drive over a couple of days and stop off with family en route north, then we'll be staying at the venue once we're there. We might get a cottage near by to slightly extend the trip. I'll still be breastfeeding but my partner will be there as well and will probably do the majority of care between feeds, I might try and express a bit too.

Am I being totally naive to think it will be ok? Is there anything I need to figure out waaaaaay in advance that might not have occurred to me?

OP posts:

DrinkingInTheNightGarden · 27/04/2020 14:14

It will be totally fine! Just break up the journey. I breastfed our 1 week old baby at an overnight stay wedding and then another wedding 2 weeks after that. Our DD went to 2 more weddings within a few months. We stayed the whole time for all of them, I've never been a routine person which is why I didn't do one for our DD, the only thing that we sort of did as routine was a rough bedtime but even then it had a good 45 minute window!

Backtolifebacktoreality99 · 27/04/2020 14:14

It really depends on you and the baby. I had one birth where I couldn’t walk for months and was getting so little sleep I was hallucinating! Another birth I took one week old to a wedding a few hours away and had a brilliant time. Might be worth planning for a few different situations... e.g what will you do if you’re unlucky and baby has colic? Will you leave so as not to spoil the childfree wedding?

2bazookas · 27/04/2020 14:16

Don't expect to have your old waist and boobs back in place just two months after giving birth; make sure the bridesmaid outfit will accommodate/disguise any expansion.

Botherfreedays · 27/04/2020 14:16

It depends on your baby! My first would have been fine, my second had bad colic all day and night so it would have been impossible.

Strawberrypancakes · 27/04/2020 14:18

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ladycarlotta · 27/04/2020 14:20

What is this lie that newborns are 'portable'? Except for the literal definition that they are small enough to carry about, that was NOT my experience.

We had to cram the car with baby kit whenever we travelled since none of our friends/family had anything, and on top of that she suffered from horrendous silent reflux that made every car journey a total ordeal. She would scream until she was sick, and I often cried with her. I had to sit in the back with her, and sometimes even get her out which I know is insanely dangerous but it was unbearable. Honestly, car journeys were hands down the WORST part of early parenthood for us, and I know I'm not the only one - I was warned, by several parents of refluxy babies.

But none of this means you shouldn't go to the wedding! Haha, I know it sounds awful and your baby may well not be like that, but even if I'd had a dream baby I would DEFINITELY recommend breaking up such a long drive with an overnight stop, as you suggest. And expect the journey time to double as you will have to have a lot of breaks to get the baby out of the car seat (they can't stay in it long due to potential hypoxia) as well as feed and change etc.

Also yes to getting a cottage at the other end so you won't have to get up and do the whole horrible thing again the next day, give yourself time to chill out a bit.

If I were you I'd consider booking a cottage with all the baby equipment supplied, and flying or taking the train.

badg3r · 27/04/2020 14:30

Wedding etc will be fine but 1000% take the train and don't attempt the drive! I know that route well, with kids. Train is much much better and hire a car in Edinburgh (take your own car seat).

HowFurloughCanYouGo · 27/04/2020 14:33

With DS 1 and 3 it would have been hell.

Screaming, crying, colicky, refluxy hell on Earth.

DS 2 would have been a breeze.

Depends on the baby.

RenegadeMrs · 27/04/2020 14:39

We did a wedding with a 3 month old and although it was fine I did feel that I missed a lot of it as DD was breastfeeding. Also, she was a right monster for sensing when something was different from an early age and struggled so settle for naps. I'm glad we went but I don't feel I was very 'present for the event, and pretty much missed the evening entirely.

Lenny1980 · 27/04/2020 14:47

There’s not a huge amount of kit with a newborn. You’ll need to take a pram but if you get one that’s safe for overnight sleeping there’s no need for travel cot as well. They don’t need toys at that age. If you end up bottle feeding you’ll need a few bottles I guess but I’d just take those steriliser bags for the microwave (easy if you get a cottage).

The dress would be my biggest concern. Something forgiving would be ideal as difficult to predict what size/shape you will be. A dress with decent BF access is highly unlikely so you’ll want somewhere discrete to disappear off to I expect.

StripeyDeckchair · 27/04/2020 14:47

It depends on the dates. If the baby is born 30/9 & the wedding is 1/11, that's a month & no way would I go.
Baby 1/9 & wedding 30/12 is 3 months & I'd think about it.

HowFurloughCanYouGo · 27/04/2020 14:49

There’s not a huge amount of kit with a newborn.

When was the last time you had a baby?

Toastiemaker · 27/04/2020 14:55

As other posters mention, have a plan b if you have a colicky/silent reflux screaming in car seat bundle of joy (like I did!). Also my milk didn't establish until 8 or 10 weeks so I had to top up with formula at the beginning.
On the plus side I was in my pre pregnancy clothes 5 weeks after baby... breastfeeding burned all the extra fat off!

vanillandhoney · 27/04/2020 15:01

I would fly rather than drive that kind of distance with a newborn.

Ponoka7 · 27/04/2020 15:03

It is doable, make loose plans, we may be on a second wave by then.

Re expressing, it isn't recommended before six weeks, you might have difficulty. If you go between breast and bottle you might find the baby has a lot more wind, so won't happily sleep in a car seat.

We'll definitely still have less movement, so holding the baby in the back of the car, until settled, might work, because of less traffic. The amount of time in the car seat isn't ideal for a newborn.

localbunny · 27/04/2020 15:04

My friend was my bridesmaid at our UK 'weekend away' type wedding with her breastfed 10 week old; it worked perfectly! I just made sure she had somewhere quiet and private to breastfeed when she needed to (we were all staying at the venue so I just made sure her room was close by). There were plenty of people around to help with baby holding duties during the few parts of the wedding when she was 'on duty'. I made sure her and her DP were seated somewhere they could park the buggy easily, and bought her a pair of those special baby ear defenders so baby could sleep in her carrycot whilst they were dancing. Have a chat with your bride about it! I'm sure she'll be more than happy to make allowances

MarieIVanArkleStinks · 27/04/2020 15:05

You're a good friend as that's going to amount to quite an expensive trip, and the earlier stages with a newborn can be really tiring. But if it's what you actively want to do, then fine! Ensure you make regular stops as it's not safe to have very young babies in car seats for extended periods.

Have a great time.

ConkerGame · 27/04/2020 15:09

Yes OP! you have such a positive attitude and I’m sure your friend will greatly appreciate the effort you are going to. Let’s hope the wedding can go ahead as planned with this horrible virus. Maybe consider the train instead of driving as it will be quite a bit faster and you can hold and feed the baby on the move?

B0bbin · 27/04/2020 15:10

I guess it depends on lots of things, but all being well, I don't see why not. I wasn't in the position to do anything like that when my DS was so small, due to a difficult birth and the aftermath of that including feeding issues. Every birth and every baby is different so fingers crossed it all goes well for you.

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 27/04/2020 15:11

I would possibly manage both yours and your friends expectations. In case you don’t feel up to it or only feel up to being a guest- you never know how you/ baby will be

WhyCantIThinkOfAGoodOne · 27/04/2020 15:13

Surely DH could whisk away a screaming infant during the ceremony? Crying babies being is all part of a normal wedding ceremony. I'd definitely allow time for lots of stops but I think it should be OK. The only issue would be if you happen to have a baby who hates their car seat or gets car sick like my eldest. I think that's fairly rare though.

Longdistance · 27/04/2020 15:16

You’ll be fine. When dd1 was about four weeks old we rented a cottage in Wales. We had a fab time away, even went fishing. I also used to take dd1 up to mil’s and we’d spend the week up there, it was a five hour drive with stops along the way.

20viona · 27/04/2020 15:16

It will be fine enjoy!

minipie · 27/04/2020 15:18

Newborn experience varies absolutely massively, from people who could take their newborn to Michelin restaurants and Macchu Piccu, to people who got zero sleep, had a baby that screamed for hours a day and could barely find time to shower.

I would say have a plan A, B and C depending on how human you are feeling and how sleep and feeding is going by then, and explain this to your friend. Plan C is you don’t go, if you get a very difficult baby like my DC1. None of those plans should involve a massive drive ideally as it’s not great for a small baby to be in a car seat that long, even with breaks - I’d fly or maybe train instead.

BillHadersNewWife · 27/04/2020 15:20

It'll be great. I emigrated with a three month old. From UK to Oz.

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