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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

...to think this will be fine, maybe even fun?!

98 replies

LooseyGoosey · 27/04/2020 13:39

We're expecting our first baby at the end of September and my best friend is getting married at the end of November. I'm due to be a bridesmaid and whilst they're having a no kids wedding, babes in arms are a-ok. The wedding is just outside Edinburgh and we live in London. We'll do the drive over a couple of days and stop off with family en route north, then we'll be staying at the venue once we're there. We might get a cottage near by to slightly extend the trip. I'll still be breastfeeding but my partner will be there as well and will probably do the majority of care between feeds, I might try and express a bit too.

Am I being totally naive to think it will be ok? Is there anything I need to figure out waaaaaay in advance that might not have occurred to me?

OP posts:
BimbleBamble · 27/04/2020 15:21

I did a wedding when my baby was 7/8 weeks old, if feeding is going ok, (we were using shields so was a faff) and you'll have lots of support should be fine, I found it really hard as DH was unable to help me as he was part of the wedding party and little one was super overwhelmed by the day and all the people so no one else could hold her, so I think she cluster fed for most of the day, be prepared to find a comfy spot out the way where you can sit and feed alll day...and make friends with the waiting staff to bring you food! A fabric sling was amazing for the meal and actually standing up to talk to others, but we left the room for the ceremony and the speeches as she started crying the moment they started. And yep, be prepared to not go to the evening do, you'll be exhausted and music will be too loud for little ears.

BimbleBamble · 27/04/2020 15:23

Oh and factor in that baby could be late, so potentially doing all this with a 6 week old and still very much healing, don't underestimate how long that takes!, Sitting down can be....uncomfortable for a long time Confused

crispysausagerolls · 27/04/2020 15:29

The problem is it completely depends on the type of baby you have!!! And you just won’t know, will you? Not in advance. DS would have been a fucking nightmare for this. He was constantly on the breast and screamed if not held or if put down. Screamed in the car and the buggy etc. Ok I could have had him in a sling with a Breast out the whole time but a bit awkward and he liked to be constantly jiggled so not sure how that would work either.

Frozenfan2019 · 27/04/2020 15:31

I think it will be fine. I would make a longer holiday out if it as you say and probably stop for a night en route.

ScrimpshawTheSecond · 27/04/2020 15:32

It depends on so many things.

The baby - some are lovely and easy. Some are ... less so! Your birth and recovery - could be a couple of weeks later than due date. Coronavirus/lockdown.

Could all go swimmingly; might not! I did a bit of this type of thing with my easy 2nd, couldn't have done it iwth my first.

SleepingStandingUp · 27/04/2020 15:35

I'd def work out how long it will take you, how often do you need to stop to get babies out the carseat at that age?

Frozenfan2019 · 27/04/2020 15:35

The issue with taking a train/plane is luggage. You will need a car seat and pram plus a lot of clothes and nappies plus sterilising kit and breast pump. You may also need a Moses basket/travel cot. I would drive. Break the journey up with a stop every 2 hrs.

Lazypuppy · 27/04/2020 15:38

Not every baby cluster feeds, i breastfed mine every 3 hours from about 3 weeks old.

I personally would fly like another pp said, way easier than driving

MillicentMartha · 27/04/2020 15:44

I was invited to a wedding on my due date! I sadly declined then DS was born 2 weeks early. We were re-invited and had a lovely time. The worst bit was the journey. If you are breastfeeding, you have to stop to do this and it can take ages with a newborn. It turned a 5 hour car journey into 8 hours. These days it’s not recommended that babies spend so much time in their car seats, but for a one off (well, 2, there and back) I’m sure it will be fine. Breaking up the journey is a very good idea.

Saladmakesmesad · 27/04/2020 15:44

I think if it were me I would plan to go, but ask to be excused from being a bridesmaid. If something makes it tricky at the time (really colicky baby, a rocky start in some way etc) then it's easier to back out of being a guest than being in the wedding party.

From a practicality point of view, I think it's massively personal to you, how you cope and recover (no shame in taking longer) and what kind of baby you have. Driving seems easiest as you can take all the stuff you need, but just be aware that babies aren't meant to be in their car seats for more than a couple of hours without a decent break (for safety reasons).

Bluesheep8 · 27/04/2020 15:48

I'm not sure the wedding will be happening OP. No one knows how long social distancing will be enforced, some are saying it'll go beyond the end of the year.....

HedgehogHotel · 27/04/2020 15:51

I wouldn't book anything for next fall yet, frankly. Not sure what travelling is going to be like until they get this virus under control.

That being said, we're in Cambride and regularly make/made the trek to Scotland when our children were babies/toddlers. Do it at night: leave at 4:00ish. Drive for a couple of hours, do a dinner stop, then drive while the baby sleeps. Short stops if needed. Nighttime driving is sooo much better when they're little.

pfrench · 27/04/2020 15:53

We drove to the Alps when our child was 13 weeks old. 12 hours. Was fine - easier than since she's been older.

lizzie1970a · 27/04/2020 15:56

When mine were young I remember reading a young baby shouldn't be in a car seat more than 4 hours at a stretch - it can constrict their breathing, which I can see give the position they'd be in. Maybe the advice has changed. Just thought I'd mention in case you want to look into it. I wouldn't. I'd fly.

lizzie1970a · 27/04/2020 15:59

Seems there is a two-hour rule:

babysafeltd.com/safety/2-hour-rule/

Leeds NHS Trust sounds like the advice is less:

www.leedsth.nhs.uk/a-z-of-services/leeds-maternity-care/news/2017/08/18/useful-advice-on-baby-seats

This is on the NHS website:

www.nhs.uk/news/pregnancy-and-child/warning-over-babies-sleeping-in-car-seats/

peoplepleaser1 · 27/04/2020 16:02

You might want to think about lots of stops as I believe latest guidance is that babies should not be in car seat for long periods.

HazelBite · 27/04/2020 16:04

I was a bridesmaid to my sister when DS1 was about 10 weeks old. Fortunately he was a really easy baby and would go about 3-4 hours between feeds.
However we had to ditch the bridesmaid dress that we bought when I was pregnant as my boobs were so huge and I had changed shape as well. I ended up making a dress that fitted me although my sister offered to have one made.(I wasn't that much bigger, just a slightly different shape!)

HavenDilemma · 27/04/2020 16:04

@minettechatouette Flying might be ok practicality-wise, though it's terrible for the environment!

Driving is a thousand times more environmentally damaging than flying! Especially a domestic flight from London to Edinburgh. Smaller aircraft. A train is also more environmentally damaging than flying, especially diesel trains

diddl · 27/04/2020 16:04

I had easy births, but for me I think being a guest would be enough.

It's quite a journey by train as well as car.

Flying has the disadvantage of waiting around at he airport.

I'd be worried about leaky boobs in the bmaid dress, even if it did still fit!

Lynda07 · 27/04/2020 16:15

You're not being unreasonable, it's nice to have something to look forward to but be realistic, we do not know how 'things' will be in November. If back to normal, fine. Plus you don't know how you will feel but I don't want to be pessimistic, I'm sure you'll be feeling great. Just don't be disappointed if all doesn't go to plan is all. No point worrying about that now though.

Original poster
LooseyGoosey · 27/04/2020 16:23

This is all so helpful! Thank you.

I feel really positive about the whole thing and there's absolutely no way I'd miss the wedding for the world. I'll be surrounded by my closest family and friends so I'm sure it will be a supportive environment, even if it's challenging too.

I'll definitely have a think about stops and the flying/train options... I was mostly worried about the amount of luggage we'd need to be honest, but I could possibly send some of that up to Scotland with others.

Thanks so much all, I'm really excited about it! Smile

OP posts:
Autumnsloth · 27/04/2020 16:26

I did a very similar trip when nice was that age. Should be fine! I'd recommend the train and then renting a car. Little babies can't go long in the car so you'd need lots of stops and mine hated the car seat that young and would have screamed whole way. Consider also you'll be feeding through the night so will be exhausted. Think about whether your dress is suitable for breastfeeding!

Autumnsloth · 27/04/2020 16:27

*MINE not nice. Although, he is nice. Smile

WhyCantIThinkOfAGoodOne · 27/04/2020 16:28

I would also definitely take a train though. Stopping every two hours all the way up to Edinburgh would be a nightmare!

CeibaTree · 27/04/2020 16:31

That's the perfect age to take a baby on a cross country trip - we took our eldest from London to the Scottish Highlands when he was about 8 weeks old. We got the train from London to Glasgow and hired a car. Have a great trip when the time comes :)

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