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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to be angry that the teacher declared that ds obviously wasn't that ill when off sick on Wednesday...

30 replies

Blossomhill · 16/09/2007 10:23

as he was spotted in Tesco with me?

Ds has had this viral type headache and sore throat. He is not ill as in high temp, being sick but nevertheless wasn't 100%. He went in on Tuesday was sent to the office but not home.

Wednesday morning ds comes down looking dark under the eyes and says he still has a headache. I had a big dilemma as no food, paracetemol left etc and needed to go to teso. SO I took ds with me after we dropped dd off from school. Once he had his medicine he was ok. Soon as we got back from Tesco he laid on the sofa. I did see another teacher in Tesco who does part time.

So on Friday while doing the register as soon as teacher got to my ds's name she said in front of whole class "oh xx you was spotted in Tesco on Wednesday, you obviously wasn't very ill then ".
I am consumed with rage tbh. How dare she humiliate ds like that. He is 9 yrs old ffs.
Now after having that day off and resting he was then 100% better for the next day.

It just makes my blood boil. He is never off. Never ever late and always works hard, does his homework etc so I think it was bang out of order.

If she had a problem discuss it with me first. I took him to Tesco. I can't leave him on his own.

Just so hard to know what to do next tbh but I personally think she overstepped the mark BIG time!

OP posts:

fillyjonk · 16/09/2007 10:26

I think that is appalling, actually

I would go to the head

Kids don't have to be so ill that they can't leave the house to be off school. They just have to be ill enough that they are better off at home, or else at risk of passing the lurgy on.

admylin · 16/09/2007 10:26

I would go in on Monday and put the teacher right. She obviously thinks we should all have granny or aunts galore to watch our sick dc!

Original poster

Blossomhill · 16/09/2007 10:27

Exactly and I feel totally undermined tbh

OP posts:

BecauseImWorthIt · 16/09/2007 10:28

Don't go in and see her - send in a letter and copy the head in. That way it will go on file.

You are definitely not being unreasonable.

Unfortunately there are too many parents who do condone children being off school for more trivial reasons and I think you've got caught up in the current obsession to get better attendance statistics for the school.

mylittlefreya · 16/09/2007 10:28

That's a horrible thing to do to a child. YANBU at all to be cross. Maybe write a letter? - but I would only do this as I'd get flustered in person.

SleeplessInTheStaceym11House · 16/09/2007 10:28

i would go to the head, this is appalling, sometimes we have to do the shopping regardless of what the children are up to, we dont have the world and his wife to look after our kids all the time!

melsy · 16/09/2007 10:29

and they worry about kids bullying

Paddington64 · 16/09/2007 10:29

She was def out of order. Personally I'd say something to her to know that you're aware of what she said and that you find it upsetting, for ds and you (but then I'm a gobby cow and can't keep quiet if someone upsets my kids)

What did she think you were going to do? Leave him home alone? Or not go anywhere and get no food? We don;t all have people to look after the kids when they're ill so sometimes they have to be with us come what may.

YANBU I will shut up now!

EscapeFrom · 16/09/2007 10:29

It's school, not work, and he is a child, not an employee. If he is ill enough to feel crappy, he doesn't have to go to school. End of. Hardly a GCSE exam, was it!

Original poster

Blossomhill · 16/09/2007 10:29

Thing is I worry she will take it out on ds iykwim 1 week in and all that....

OP posts:

TinyGang · 16/09/2007 10:38

It's not like you were spotted at Legoland with him is it? What a silly comment to make.

It sounds like an off the cuff comment but it's sarcastic and un-necessary.

I'd probably ignore it at this stage since it's just the start of a new year/new teacher and all that, but I'd certainly be listening out for more comments along those lines then politely ask what point exactly she is driving at and would she like to discuss any 'concerns' with me.

mylittlefreya · 16/09/2007 10:43

TBH, Blossomhill, she already has taken out on him the fact she feels it necessary to point such things out in front of the whole class. So, yes, she may not be pleased with you taking it up with her but at least you will know she'll think twice before saying something like that again.

McDreamy · 16/09/2007 10:52

not for her to comment! How dare she! I would have word.

Original poster

Blossomhill · 16/09/2007 11:06

I just feel angry that she took it out on ds a child. fair enough if they were in secondary but he is only a child fgs

OP posts:

mylittlefreya · 16/09/2007 11:16

I was agreeing, sorry if it came out wrong. And was trying to encourage you to do something, not be in fear of her 'taking it out on him' because of you - because that is her, and she already has. for you

Original poster

Blossomhill · 16/09/2007 13:58

How can I approach this without ds having repercussions. You know I don't want her to take a disliking to him because of it!

mylittlefreya ~ I honestly didn't think you wasn't agreeing

OP posts:

EricL · 16/09/2007 14:07

Minimum repercussions would be having a polite and quiet word with her in private. Doing it the official way thru the Head or letter would mean the issue is dealt with properly but may lead to this animosity that you are worried about.

Either way the teacher needs to be told she overstepped the mark. Even when an adult and at work you do not announce things like this in front of other people. Some teachers are too used to their little dominion that they live in and fail to realise the comsequences of their actions sometimes.

NKF · 16/09/2007 14:10

Seriously, does nobody ever just let something go when it comes to schools? I don't think I've ever seen a school AIBU thread where the advice wasn't to see the teacher, write to the head, copy in the governors, contact the local press etc....

Was he humiliated or did he forget she'd said anything five minutes later? Did the rest of the class actually notice? Was it said flippantly? Is it actually that big a deal?

EricL · 16/09/2007 14:20

It's our kids we are talking about NKF.

I think parents are entitled to feel angry if they feel another adult has belittled them for no reason.

The storm may all blow over and get forgotten about next week - but people are entitled to get it off their chests and have a bit of a rant about it.

I'm sure most of these issues probably go unreported i bet.

Thats life.

NKF · 16/09/2007 14:24

I know it's our kids and I can be as irrational and defensive as any other mother. It's not the original post I find puzzling. It's the nature of some of the advice.

Original poster

Blossomhill · 16/09/2007 14:26

Thanks and I agree with Eric. I don't want to make a big deal with it. If she wanted to talk to me about it it would not have been an issue. At 9yrs old my ds gets told what to do, where to go etc and I found it unfair that she pulled him up without getting an explanation from me. It was very unprofessional IMO

OP posts:

cornsilk · 16/09/2007 14:26

It would wind me up as well blossomhill, but I think sometimes teachers can be guilty of saying things and regretting it as soon as it's out of their mouths - just like anyone else! Personally I wouldn't make a big deal out of it as a one off incident. If you really feel you can't let it go then go and speak to the teacher and tell her how you feel. I think writing to the Head is a bit OTT.

PondusLector · 16/09/2007 14:30

I agree with cornsilk. Perhaps she regretted it the minute it came out of her mouth. I do think it was an out of order comment, but it is so hard sometimes when you are teaching not to put your foot in it. I would leave it for now, if it does turn out that she is prone to such comments I would have a word with her then.

Original poster

Blossomhill · 16/09/2007 15:18

I just feel that she waited until the register to say it to ds and that was wrong wrong wrong!!!
I won't go to head but will have to say something to her. Just so she knows to think in future.

OP posts:

Original poster

Blossomhill · 18/09/2007 13:31

Spoke to teacehr yesterday morning and she obviously was squirming a bit.
Apparently ds was seen bouncing around Tesco
Anyway I basically told her that if she had any issues please talk to me as I am the adult and ds is too young to be responsible for his own actions (wrt coming shopping). Also that she embarrased ds and made feel he was in trouble
Ds came out of school and said that the teacher apologised for embarrasing him and that he was not in trouble. So thankfully it is all sorted and I have now drawn a line under it!
Thanks again for all of your advice, it was really helpful xx

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