Should you be able to see this much of a child’s ribs?

[Smellbellina]

I know apparently you should be able to see a child’s ribs if they are not overweight, but is seeing the ribs from the front from collar bone down really ok? Am I being unreasonable to think it looks underweight as opposed to healthy?

Tin Ribs, that's what we call it. All the children on my dads side have been like this. They all grow into big muscular men..
and the healthy equivalent in children. As long as they have energy that's the main thing.
But like with anything, get it checked out, a forum isnt a good place for that type of advice.

Lol....'healthy equivalent in women '

My children are 8 and 5. You can see their ribs, collar bones, shoulders from the back protruding - likewise with DH and 1.

We’re all runners, very sporty, eat well. We have minimal body fat. It annoys when people comment my kids need ‘more meat on their bones’. I just smile and say, ‘more meat on their bones will mean more meat around their heart’.

People vary in size. Children are young people. Children will vary in size too. There is too much emphasis on children being standard sizes.
I know people who were small as children and are now tall as adults. Others were chunky as children and are now slim, and vice versa. Some people get very heavy and then lose a lot weight. It is just the variation that make people different.
I would be a bit concerned about your child's comment on fat people. I hope she is not starving herself to avoid being fat (in her eyes) That does need to be watched

AIBU really is not the place for an advice thread. I'd suggest you repost in child health.

You will get less responses but they will be more likely to have read your posts...

The seeing the ribs alone wouldn’t concern me. But the rest of your posts do make it more concerning in a keep an eye on sort of way.

Can you get her involved in cooking and baking? Help encourage a love of food with no pressure to try anything?

What does she like eating? Some foods you can discreetly add more fats too to get more into her diet

Oops sorry! Pressed post by mistake! It’s impossible for us to know over the internet. Can you check her BMI with the NHS app thingy?

My DS has a tendency to be underweight. You can see his ribs even when he isn’t though. When he is you can see his back ribs and also the bones in I his forearm. He is 9.
When he’s too thin the most important thing is to get anything food into him. Any food really. Calorie dense things that he will eat. So I do end up batch cooking stuff he does like and giving it him as a separate meal from the rest of us a few times a week.

You should be able to see all of a childs ribs from the front and back, and unless they are fairly muscly you should be able to see an adults ribs when looking at their back if they slightly lean forward.

Teaching her that fat people are disgusting, a whole awful different issue.

The seeing the ribs alone wouldn’t concern me. But the rest of your posts do make it more concerning in a keep an eye on sort of way.

This.

You need to take some responsibility. This flaky 'she doesn't like my cooking, I will see if I can get some from my mum' is complete nonsense. Use this time with her to get new ideas, new ingredients, try new things. Involve her. Don't sit back and do nothing.

In DS’s case he is definitely underweight when you can see his back ribs - into the underweight bmi category and his vertical growth also slows. He’s actually eating much more since lockdown and he’s noticeably grown in the last 3 weeks.

Hum.
Well, my first thought was - depends on her build. I was a skinny malink when I was that age too and my Dad used to joke that you could play the xylophone on my ribs. DS1 is the same. Long thin ectomorph body type (if you're interested, here is a link which is saner than many www.precisionnutrition.com/all-about-body-type-eating )

But I used to eat quite well, and still retained that level of skinniness into my 20s, as does DS1 (well, he's only just a teen so I don't know how long he'll stay skinny yet!)

DS2 on the other hand is not an ectomorph and has always had a bit more chubbiness on him. DS1 was 10th Centile for aages, DS2 hit 99th centile within 5 weeks of birth (for weight, I mean).

My next thought, when you said about her eating habits, was to wonder if she has any other spectrum condition traits - a friend of mine's oldest child was always very thin and lithe, but full of energy - diagnosed with ADHD at 7 and autism at 9. Not typical, "mild" symptoms, if you like, but lots of processing and sensory issues, including food.

If that's not an option then you're back to "picky eater" - but if she's still got plenty of energy, doesn't get ill and seems bright and well in herself then I don't think you need to worry about it. If her skin and hair were dull and dry looking, she has bags under her eyes, is tired and lethargic etc. then maybe you DO need to worry she's undereating - but if she's healthy but skinny, then probably not.

"She doesn't like my cooking" - who's does she eat when not in lockdown?

Do you usually cook regularly, are you ok at it? I have a friend who's struggling badly in lockdown as she has relied on the nursery to feed her DC, she never cooks. If you are in that situation you need to learn.

It's normal to see the ribs of children in our family and I can see my own ribs. The rest of your posts are concerning though, her attitude and the fact it's coming across that you don't really put much effort into her. Instead of her school lunch what are you providing her? Are you offering her any fruit snacks? I'm definitely not going to win any awards for my cooking and I know that my DC don't eat as healthy as it seems others do (judging by other meal diary posts). But in reality you don't have to, you just need to put the effort in to provide her with three decent meals a day and a few snacks, mine have fruit and an unhealthy one after dinner (they're aware of good and bad food but know that 2 chocolate biscuits won't make them fat). It's actually better to feed her chicken nuggets or something of that ilk that she'll eat vs have her continue to not eat and form bad attitudes about eating.

DS2 is really, really thin and has been tiny all his life.
He was referred to paeds as a toddler. First thing the paediatrician did? Look at his bum. Gave it a squeeze. He explained that one of the indicators of difference between a malnourished child and a thin one was that a malnourished child has a concave bottom. A thin but well nourished child’s bottom is has a padded, fatty bum cheek. Other things matter too of course, that’s just on indicator of the physical side of things.

You sound quite stressed OP as lots of people are at the moment.

What situation are you in at the moment? Are you on your own with the children, do you work? Maybe we can talk you through some healthier foods, and some ways to encourage DD to eat.

About her weight, there's an easy way to know and I'm astonished no one has suggested it yet. Weigh her, measure her, and then you'll know whether she's a healthy weight for her height and age

Really quite simple.

As for the whole "don't like fat people", well, I had a phase like that when I was maybe eight. Grew out of it as I matured and realized this kind of prejudice is wrong. So I wouldn't make a big deal out of it as it might then snowball into something bigger than it needs to be. Next time she says it just tell her that although it's better to be a healthy weight, some (a lot...) of people struggle with that for various reasons and it is far less unattractive to be fat than to be unkind.

A cereal bar for breakfast. 🙄 They're a sugar laden snack, not a meal.

But no, ribs aren't a concern per se. I have three children, #1 is solid muscle. Hours of gym, swimming and cross country have done that. Teamed with an absolute inability to sit still even when working or eating. She's nearly 10.

#2 is an absolute rake. He looks like a skeleton, you can circle his upper arm with your fingers. He too is perfectly healthy, a cross country runner and normal nigh on 8 yr old boy.

#3 is 2.5, and a solid little chap. 😂

I'd be concerned about the disgusting thing. Where did she get that from at her age?

Check her weight on the nhs calculator. but yes, you should see the ribs on a child. looking at my son’s swimming classes, i would think about 20% of children are overweight or obese, another 40% right at the top of the ok range. that is what we are used to seeing, so healthy kids look underweight.

Kids shouldnt loose weight, so if she is actively getting lighter, there is a problem.
Seeing ribs is totally normal. The rest would ring alarm bells for me.

That's certainly always been true of my DD1 (11), there isn't an ounce of spare flesh on her. She can easily wear my DD2 (8)'s tops and adjusting school skirts to fit her has always been very tricky. I used to worry about her being too skinny, especially with her issues over eating, but she'll eat a lot of something she likes. She and her little sister are also both very strong physically and also very good at gymnastics.

^If you're concerned, use the NHS children's healthy weight calculator. www.nhs.uk/live-well/healthy-weight/bmi-calculator/^

This! Discussing children’s ribs seems a bit pointless and may be more to do with build than anything else. DS was definitely underweight as a kid 50th centile height and 25th for weight but I don’t recollect being able to see all his ribs. Other more well built kids may have more prominent ribs. How little she is eating is a concern so I would definitely try to make more of the things she likes.

I'd suggest you repost in child health
You will get less responses but they will be more likely to have read your posts...

I know right! A lot of posters tripping over themselves to say my kids ribs stick out, it's normal etc etc. We all know it's normal to see kids ribs but read OP posts if you can't be bothered to RTFT.
Her Dd obviously has some phobia about being fat, she HATES fat people. I think OP needs to address this as much as her Dd not eating.

Agree that seeing ribs is good, but your other posts are concerning.

Getting her to help you cook is a good idea. My eldest used to be a very picky eater, but helping me cook has helped her expand her tastes and she now eats most things.

There are some really good cooking books you can get to do together, simple, healthy recipes that are fun to make. What about getting something like the MasterChef Junior Cookbook and going through it together? Get her to choose a recipe once a week.

She needs a good amount of protein, carbs and yes, fat.

How is she with fruit and vegetables?

We don’t have any scales so I can’t weigh her.
We were having my mums cooking more than I’d realised to be honest, I do cook honest!

I asked her if she would like to help make dinner today and she said only if eats ginger bread men 🤦‍♀️ Which she wouldn’t eat anyway!