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AIBU?

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Original poster

To tell his parents that I’m pregnant?

77 replies

ReiofHope · 26/04/2020 18:24

Very long story short
My (ex) partner and I have a 17 month old son. Last August I decided my son and I would live separate from his father as our relationship was becoming toxic.
Things were going well until January when I discovered I am pregnant again.
He was less than thrilled and his attitude has me done with our “relationship”. Of course he can still be in the lives of his children.
I’m now 15 weeks and he’s not mentioned anything to his parents.

My question is when is it reasonable for me to be the one to tell his parents that I am having another baby by their son?
His parents are heavily involved with our first and are wonderful grandparents.

OP posts:
LouiseTrees · 26/04/2020 18:36

They are not their son. So if you would usually tell others at 12 weeks then tell them now. If you haven’t told others yet then don’t til you do.

fedupwiththisshitnow · 26/04/2020 18:37

I'd tell them now. It sounds like they are involved grandparents and shouldn't be kept in the dark.

myangelalex · 26/04/2020 18:56

I'd tell them if they were involved before. It's up to them what they do with the news.

timetest · 26/04/2020 18:59

As they are wonderful grandparents and sound like decent people, I would tell them.

NameChange30 · 26/04/2020 19:01

Personally I would wait until the 20 week scan. Warn him that if he hasn't told his parents by then, you would like to tell them. (Presumably you are in touch with his parents yourself, if they are involved with DC1? In which case it will get to a point when it will be weird not to tell them.)

If there was an anomaly at the 20 week scan would you want to explain / discuss it with them?

IceCreamAndCandyfloss · 26/04/2020 19:03

His place to tell them oven they are his parents. If he hasn’t by the birth then you can introduce baby then.

Ponoka7 · 26/04/2020 19:04

The 20 week scan suggestion is good, it will stop any fears they might have and we'll know more about this virus by then. Unless they aren't the types to worry at all, then I'd give him to the end of the week.

HopeYouStepOnALego · 26/04/2020 19:04

If you split with him in August how come you're only 15 weeks pregnant? Did you continue sleeping with him after the split?

brentwoodbaby · 26/04/2020 19:06

I think it's pretty clear that the OP and her ex DP continued to sleep together though not living together.

OP, I would tell them.

NameChange30 · 26/04/2020 19:07

In the OP it says they decided to live apart but it doesn't say they split up. OP said she decided it was over due to his reaction to the pregnancy ie later.

user1493413286 · 26/04/2020 19:07

Do you have contact with them regularly? If so then yes tell them; you shouldn’t have to hide it or lie to them but if their contact will your DS is all through your ex then I think I’d leave it until nearer the birth

Wanderlust21 · 26/04/2020 19:12

I'm confused... you separated in August and 'things were going well' so how did you end up pregnant? xD Or do you mean the relationship was going well? (not a breakup?)

And if you found out in jan and are only 15 weeks gone then you found out really early so...what made you decide to go ahead with another baby with someone who you cannot stand to live with? Sorry but, maybe not a great idea.

Anyways...Of course you tell his parents. It sounds like they might be the only support from his side you will get. Dont move back in with him. Theres no excuse to raise a child in a toxic household.

BackseatCookers · 26/04/2020 19:18

Personally I would wait until the 20 week scan. Warn him that if he hasn't told his parents by then, you would like to tell them.

This sounds like the best course of action I think.

Josette77 · 26/04/2020 19:22

I would also wait for the 20 week scan.

I don't blame your ex with being less than thrilled with another baby. You can't live even together so it's not ideal.

peperethecat · 26/04/2020 19:27

Did you plan to get pregnant again?

SunshineCake · 26/04/2020 19:29

Really good way to break any trust between you and his parents if you just turn up with a new baby Hmm, as advised by a previous poster.

MorganKitten · 26/04/2020 19:31

I’d send them a picture of the scan and go from there

Reallymissthegym · 26/04/2020 19:32

If you have told your family and friends then yes. If they heard it elsewhere they will be really upset.
Imagine ‘congratulations on your new grandchild!’ What new grandchild???

Friendsofmine · 26/04/2020 19:34

I think it isn't surprising he's not thrilled and wants to take his time telling his parents. Amongst many mixed feelings it is possibly quite embarrassing for him given they know the relationship had gotten so bad you weren't living together anymore and they will say WTF were you still having sex for?!

peperethecat · 26/04/2020 19:36

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Viviennemary · 26/04/2020 19:37

I was a bit confused by your post. If you've split up how come you're pregnant. When you said your ex I assumed you meant you were pregnant by a new partner. If they are involved with the first grandchild then you need to tell them. It's all a bit chaotic.

fedupwiththisshitnow · 26/04/2020 19:40

All these people faux confused about how op is only 15 weeks pregnant when they split up months ago are bloody hilarious.

Batshittery · 26/04/2020 19:43

Why is it so important that you tell his parents? What about your own parents?

TryingToBeBold · 26/04/2020 19:47

Hes toxic.
You moved away from him.
Hes allowed go have contact with his children.

But managed to have sex this year with him.

Ginseng1 · 26/04/2020 19:47

I am not confused. You both idiots for not using contraception when the relationship was 'toxic' why why why. I'd say leave it to him to tell his own parents.