DH refusing to do anything!!!

[BehaveYoursen]

I’m so fucked off. DH and I are both key workers so both still working.

We’ve been off work all weekend. Yesterday he got up at 11am and basically played computer games all day. We did go to sit out in the garden at one point but it was fucking pointless as he sat there playing on his phone. God forbid we actually have a conversation. He was meant to be going to shop all day yesterday as was running low on milk and needed something for tea. He put it off and put it off until in the end decided it was too late so we had chicken fucking nuggets for tea. Literally just a plate of chicken nuggets. I’d walked the dog yesterday (as well as doing everything else around the house) so felt I shouldn’t go out again.

Today he gets up at 10:30. He said he was going to shop to get the bits we need. He still hasn’t fucking been. I’m in agony with chest/rib/back pain and have again walked the dog. Washed all the bedding, hoovered up. He’s played computer games. He’s just suggested we have a cup of tea. I’ve suggested he actually go to shop so we can get some milk and something for fucking tea.

His excuse now is that he can’t go to shop as the neighbours are sat out front. I told him not to be ridiculous so he’s suggested I go to shop instead. I’ve done every fucking thing and I’m in pain. So fucked off. Time’s like this I wish I was single.

Sorry lovely, yes it sounds like you have Covid. Your work is awful to make you keep working and risk people.

Yes I think you need to be single.

Sorry your DH now has to spend 14 days in the house with you too.

Is there anyone locally who could drop off the basics for you?

And I agree with others - he 'can't be arsed' to pull his weight at home - you stop laundry, cooking, clearing up his mess, sex, the lot.

It really would be easier for you, if you were single, OP. Imagine only having to clean up after yourself, only cooking and shopping for yourself, watching what you want on TV and sitting in calm, peaceful bliss, rather than resentment. If you do have COVID-19, his attitude, level of support and care for you, while you’re ill will help you make your final decision.

Why would you allow him to treat you like that ? Time to be single

OP, at our trust you have to phone in sick asap and say it is covid related, then they call you back later to get you swabbed within 5 days of onset.
Sounds like covid to me. 7 days off for you (at least) if positive, if neg, then you can go back in when feeling better.
Hope you feel better soon.

@CaptainBlunderpants is there a time limit for it?

Up to day 4 of symptoms to prevent false negatives. That’s the info I’m receiving from my work. (NHS).

The computer and the phone would have met a nasty end by now if he were in my house. Or I might lock them in the car and hide the car keys if I was feeling generous.

I'd be going to the shops - to get enough food for myself, and some kind of lockable, padlockable box for the cupboard and another for the fridge for my food. He can voluntarily starve or live off milkless tea and chicken nuggets to his hearts content!!

You deserve a partner, this is not a partner. You deserve support and communication. He sounds like he is providing neither.

If you have to go to the shops just buy for one. If he asks say you couldn’t be arsed and people were looking at you so you felt you could only buy for yourself! Also don’t clean up after him the lazy sod. Act like you are alone if that is how he wants to play it.

Just spotted your updates OP, christ stuck in with him for 14 days sounds hell. Poor you

You have lots of options, OP but doing nothing and saying nothing isn't one of them.

He steps up or ships out. Today.

You stop doing everything and do nothing as he owes you two weeks of fucking adulting.

Er, if you leave the house you're putting lives at risk.

Phone in sick now, order take away and food parcels. For you.

He can fuck off. Do not bring his children into the world.

You said you would rather be single. So would I with a lazy good for nothing like this.

So, asking quite bluntly why are you with him?
You need a medical assessment ASAP, he needs to get off his bottom and share the workload..
You need help and care, and to get rid of this lump.
Best wishes, I hope you make a good recovery!

Honestly, OP, who needs this person in their lives????

The one person I know who suspects they had Covid mid March she didn’t cough much. Had a temperature, felt crap and described her chest as feeling heavy and like there was gravel in there.

Yes, get rid. Also stop cleaning up after him. Don't wash his clothes and fix food for yourself only.

I agree with other posters before me...you are headed for the single life. This is ridiculous.

As others have said, list all you've done in the last few days, show him and ask what he thinks he's done. Tell him he needs to man up and do something as you aren't doing his share of work any more.

Get yourself to the shops and buy in a stack of food you like, and keep them where he can't get them. Be quite clear about what you expect HIM to do: saying "do more around the house" isn't explicit enough for a bloke. Say things like "cook tea on Tues, Thurs, Sat", clean the bathroom etc., etc. Tell him you are not doing his share of work in the house any more, and don't.

Leave him alone. Don't nag. Don't do his washing, don't do his meals, just clear your stuff, not his. If he asks "where's tea" tell him you explained it all, he must do his own. Don't rescue him when he can't do it, or acts helpless so you take over.

Unfortunately it sounds as though you may have COVID symptoms, so get yourself sorted and then isolate when you can/are allowed by work, and take to your bed.

Plan to leave him/kick him out as soon as possible....

OP, your DH is beyond useless.

Call 111 and take their advice. I will say though, I've had 3 quarters of the listed symptoms for 9 days now and they're still refusing to test me. You should gave priority though as a Key worker.

Deal with 'D'H when you're better.

Er no, @BehaveYoursen, do not listen to @WanderingMilly, you should NOT be going anywhere near the shops

Neither you nor 'D'P should be leaving the house for 14 days now as you have symptoms.

Try an app like Beelivery to get some food in for tea, and milk today. Call 111.

Tomorrow, is there a friend, neighbour or relative who could pick up some groceries for you? If not, see if you can get a Morrisons box, and if you're a meat eater then M&S also do a box.

Partner is useless but for now focus on getting medical attention and basic symptoms in. As you're a key worker you can request to be tested.

If u r a key worker ring your occupational health they will arrange for a test

Just to echo everyone else, sounds like you have covid. Please please don’t go out

OP I would take to my bed in your position (assuming your test for COVID - 19 is positive)

Just lay in bed with laptop/phone/books. He can do everything.

When you get the chance to make changes you will know what to do.

If you need food Morrison's do delivery boxes. Hopefully available in your area.I I wouldn't recommend either of you going out in case it is covid 19.

I'd be using this lockdown time to be getting my ducks in a row to get out as soon as it is safe to do so.

And I'd also stop doing anything for him. Cook for one, laundry for one, clean up after yourself. Also, I'd move into a spare room even if it was a box room.

Tell him to get off his lazy arse and help out! Tell him if he does not go food shopping it's ok because he will not be eating, order yourself a take out if possible. If you do head to the shops be petty like me and refuse to share your food. Our local Indian takeaway is taking payment over the phone and either delivering it outside your door and maintaining distance or they are saying if you collect stay out of the shop they put it in your boot and run