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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Barbecue once a week

108 replies

Covert19 · 26/04/2020 12:55

During the nice weather we’ve had a barbecue once a week for either lunch or dinner on Saturday or Sunday. The husband has just fired up the barbecue and next door neighbour has popped her head over the fence to ask us not to do it any more as the smoke blows across their patio. So is it unreasonable of me to want one meal a week in this way? Or is it unreasonable of her to expect to enjoy her garden sunbathing every moment of every day? It really is just one meal a week, so smoke being produced for maybe two hours.

OP posts:
MarieQueenofScots · 26/04/2020 16:13

Well, sometimes other people want to use their house or backyard in a way for a short time that others would prefer they didn't. However, often, those that prefer they wouldn't, have other ways of using their house or backyard that their neighbours would rather they didn't also

Sure, and normally someone could go out to avoid what they find irritating.

Right now people can’t so I think it’s much nicer and kinder to consider that and compromise where possible.

Rezie · 26/04/2020 16:14

I think people can have as many bbq's as they want. It's minor nuisance and just one of those things that you accept when having neighbours.

Thighmageddon · 26/04/2020 16:16

If you are that crap at BBQ'ing that you cause two hours worth of smoke you should save up and get a gas one ffs.

Cheap nasty charcoal should be banned in my opinion

peppermintcapsules · 26/04/2020 16:17

It's Spring. BBQ weather. Neighbour's being precious and ridiculous. Enjoy your BBQ.

mbosnz · 26/04/2020 16:17

Well, they can go in. Or they can go out for a walk.

I don't think it's entirely reasonable in such a built up country to expect that people are 24/7 at home and do not act in such a way as not to impact on their neighbours at all.

So I think it's much nicer and kinder, more considerate and realistic to be aware of your impact, minimise it as much as possible, accept other people's impact in the same spirit, and all try and rub along together.

mencken · 26/04/2020 16:21

you could work out which way the wind is blowing and be a bit considerate in where you place the barbeque.

I am also of the school that says 'haven't you got a kitchen?' Eat outdoors, yes, but fart about cooking like a caveman, no ta.

MarieQueenofScots · 26/04/2020 16:28

So I think it's much nicer and kinder, more considerate and realistic to be aware of your impact, minimise it as much as possible, accept other people's impact in the same spirit, and all try and rub along together

Indeed. So maybe a good compromise would be for the OP to decide which day they’ll have a barbecue (weather permitting) which leaves neighbours chance to enjoy their garden too.

Or try a different spot for the barbecue to minimise impact.

But then I’m very spoiled where I live in that everyone is very considerate of each other and our behaviour doesn’t impact others.

missyB1 · 26/04/2020 16:38

Can I just recommend to everyone the coals we use which are pretty much smoke free? They are called heat beads.
www.bbqworld.co.uk/m/heat-beads.asp
Not cheap but if you bbq a lot like we do it’s worth it.

Original poster
Covert19 · 26/04/2020 16:39

Can’t move the bbq sadly. When I said smoke for about 2 hours I meant intermittently- when the lid is raised etc. It’s unpleasant for about 20-30 mins until the coals settle down.

These neighbours of ours are actually very quiet -retired couple with grown up family - so I am sure we make more noise etc than they’d like but we do try to be mindful of others, whilst also trying to enjoy our own life and home. I assume that when their family were growing they were a little noisier and more intrusive for their neighbours at the time. Just trying to strike a balance and wondered what you lot thought about the level of bbq activity at ours.

OP posts:
Lsquiggles · 26/04/2020 16:39

I think once a week is perfectly fine as long as it doesn't go on all day so they can't enjoy their garden too

Fred578 · 26/04/2020 16:41

What did you say to her?

Chillicheese123 · 26/04/2020 16:42

All these posts on neighbours hating a once a week bbq, or music on for an hour , honestly why do people who can’t cope with living in close proximity to others do it to themselves ? Why don’t they just choose to live more rurally/remotely ? There’s a woman down my street who literally can’t cope if a car parks outside her house - as in front of her wall, not across her drive, about 5ft from where her drives starts. Notes are put on windows, curtains are twitched. Either she enjoys it or she’s heading for a stroke out of stress. Don’t know why she doesn’t just up sticks and buy where there are fewer people so she won’t have people parking outside

Sharkyfan · 26/04/2020 16:43

Meh don’t worry the weather’s about to turn shit

PrimalLass · 26/04/2020 16:44

Tell her to get lost.

SistemaAddict · 26/04/2020 16:45

I'm glad the weather is turning less sunny and warm as bbqs set off my asthma. I've asked my neighbour to let me know if they are going to have one do that I can close all the windows and bring washing in. I don't want an asthma attack because of the smoke coming off their bbq. Neither do my dds. Some give off more smoke than others though. I like bbqs but my asthma doesn't.

Leaannb · 26/04/2020 16:53

We use our BBQ 2 or 3 times a day. I started smoking a pork shoulder yesterday and it will be delicious come dinner time tonight. I can't imagine being so petty over a BBQ

JemSynergy · 26/04/2020 16:59

My neighbours used to have about 3 BBQs a week. I wouldn't have minded but they had a gas BBQ and it stunk of old grease. Used to make me heave as it would linger all in my garden and house. I do love the smell of a charcoal BBQ though, I'd just position it as far away from their fence if at all possible.

Happymum12345 · 26/04/2020 17:04

It depends on the time of day. I don’t mind in the evening but otherwise the smoke goes onto my clothes. It’s about being fair and neighbourly on both parts.

justasking111 · 26/04/2020 17:05

Did a bbq last night, gas one so 25 minutes everything cooked, neighbour plays his piano, another neighbour has gone all allotment next door so has had a delivery of pig poop which smells so bad just now.

Live and let live I say.

hipposarerad · 26/04/2020 17:05

"I'll do what I want and fuck everyone else".

Not really, not in most cases at least.

It's more: " Occasionally, I'll do something I like that's reasonable and within the law. I hope the neighbours don't get upset, the same as I don't get upset if they, occasionally, play music I think is crap, or spend all day hammering and drilling etc"

peppermintcapsules · 26/04/2020 17:06

Why don’t they just choose to live more rurally/remotely ?

Oh, they still wouldn't be happy! Our neighbour is burning garden waste just now. Such people will just find something else to moan and whinge about. There are also often farms in rural areas and precious busybodies would whinge about the smells from them.

Alice1234567 · 26/04/2020 17:17

I used to live in a flat and had to repeatedly ask the downstairs neighbours to let me know when they are going to light their charcoal bbq, which they did about once a week too, so that I could get my washing in. They never did. It used to drive me nuts having to rewash everything because they couldn’t be bothered to just give me a heads up to bring in my clothes which would be drying directly above their bbq (honestly wouldn’t mind if they had told me despite the obvious fire worries of a bbq on a small balcony as I could just close the windows on that side of the flat). I think as long as they have not got laundry out then that’s fine. And if they do, just let them know.

Jaxhog · 26/04/2020 17:26

I think people can have as many bbq's as they want. It's minor nuisance and just one of those things that you accept when having neighbours.

Like dogs barking, bonfires, loud music, balls against their walls, loud parties and fireworks you mean? Please, while we're all at home, have a little consideration for others! If they are living in dread of when you might have a BBQ, just agree a time when you do with them in advance. Then they can enjoy their garden too.

mbosnz · 26/04/2020 17:32

Well yes, dogs bark, children holler and play, as to loud parties and fireworks, for obvious reasons they should be off the agenda. It sounds like they get plenty of time to enjoy their garden, it's once a week, for a couple of hours max.

Obviously, now you know that you're severely negatively impacting her time in which to get skin cancer for a couple of hours a week, you'd come to an arrangement as to when you can enjoy your garden for a couple of hours, not to impede on their enjoyment of their garden, which they have for all the rest of the time. . .

peppermintcapsules · 26/04/2020 17:33

I wouldn't agree a time with such petty and precious neighbours because people like this, you give them an inch and they take a mile. The OP only does it once a week, but this neighbour asked them not to do it anymore. Not tell me if you are or agree a time.