Was this a big mistake?

[snowycat]

Today I did something I've been thinking about for a while. Basically I decided to send an email to a man I met a few years ago and had a date with. (Met through OLD) We only had one date ( just coffee) and I decided I wasn't physically attracted to him so we didn't see each other again. He wanted to see me again.

Since then he's popped into my mind now and again and I've felt I should have seen him again and not been so quick to make a decision purely on his appearance. He's not bad looking at all and it was just that I didn't feel an instant attraction. I've changed a bit since then and realised that attraction can grow and not be instant!

I subsequently met someone else and was with him for a while before I decided that amongst other things, we weren't really interested in the same things.

The coffee date guy has a really interesting job and was good to talk to. I managed to track down his work email as I googled him and now I'm wondering if he'll think I'm weird and stalkerish!? In the email I just said how about another coffee when corona restrictions are lifted and apologised if he's no longer dating. Now I'm regretting sending it as he might think I'm mad! 😳

You only live once @snowycat. What's the worst that could happen? Good luck

No, don’t be silly, what have you got to lose?

I admit to being a true romantic. Better to regret the things you did do than regret the things you were too afraid to do!

It’s worth a shot

You only live once 🥰 at worst he’ll be flattered at best - who knows!!

I'm sorry but I think it's odd. One date years ago? Will be even remember you?

He*

The worst he can say is he married, maybe he's still single and he might want to re connect. I actually had a Facebook message the other night from a guy I dated over 20 years ago now that was a shock. I politely declined his offer of swapping pictures 🤣 good luck hope it goes in your favour.

A few years ago??

I would think that was quite strange to be honest and I wouldn't be best pleased at it being sent to my work email.

If it was a man I bet the comments would be very different...

He will probably be flattered. Your email sounds quite lighthearted and not at all stalkerish. How and if he responds will show you if he is keen now. Don't ever tell him that you were initially put off by his appearance.

If your genders were reversed, it would not make me change my opinion.

I would find it a bit weird that you tracked down my email, especially as I didn’t give you it

But at the same time I wouldn’t find it that weird if you DM’d the same message on social media? I guess it’s the tracking down that’s the odd bit

I would be prepared for rejection because years down the line after your single date he’s probably moved on, even though you’ve been unlucky in finding someone. And I wouldn’t necessarily expect him to be kind if he does respond cause everyone handles rejection differently

Nothing ventured nothing gained. It may lead somewhere or it may not, you’ve not lost anything by trying. Good luck.

bit weird

I'd be a bit freaked out if someone I went on one date with a few years ago tracked down my work email to ask me out again.

He wasn't right for you then...chances are you'll feel exactly the same way now.

My friend did this. She was contemplating re-establishing contact when the guy suddenly popped up in her inbox. They went out. Now long-term partners and buying a house together.

Yeah no that's a bit weird

YOLO

Worst he can do is ignore it or say no thanks

Good luck!

Don't worry, what's the worst that could happen as they say. I did the very same thing once and our subsequent second date just confirmed to us that we weren't compatible. But it was OK on both sides.

Thanks for the comments. Opinions divided but enough of you saying good luck that I don't feel quite so bad as I did last night.

I didn't have to search much to find him as he has an unusual job and works for a big organisation that is very local to me. We'd talked about his work when we met previously.

He might have no idea who I am and I realise that's a risk!
I said in my email that I apologise for contacting him in this way and that he may have a partner/
not be interested.

Maybe nothing will come of it, but it was niggling me so I'd rather know one way or another.

It's a really odd thing to do. An ex you had a full relationship with is one thing, but a guy you had one date with years ago? Its.... strange.

He might be up for it, or he might never reply and think of you as some sad, lonely and crazy person.

I went out with a guy once. We were meant to meet again but he changed his mind. A year later I got a message asking if I was still up for that date and general chit chat. I didn't respond as it freaked me out a bit.
Slightly different because you didn't change your mind, but tbh I found it weird that he could blow hot and cold over an extended period of time. It also made me worry that he had idealised our date and would struggle with the reality of who I am. He tried again a year or two later and I sent a one liner back saying I was married and had no interest.
I hope you get a positiv response but tbh I'd prepare myself for anything.

We only had one date ( just coffee) and I decided I wasn't physically attracted to him so we didn't see each other again.

You're just not that into him.

I think it’s weird and it would creep me out if I received an email like that. I’d think the person was either desperate and/or trawling through his/her list of possible dates and had finally got to me, a one-off date from years ago.

Perhaps you made a mistake years ago - or perhaps he’s been built up in your mind now to something he’s not.....

It sounds like you're lonely and for now he's your only option. If you got on so well surely you would have wanted to meet up again.