Not sure what to think: MIL neighbours

[latestnamechange]

Just had a call from my 85 year old MIL's neighbours. I don't really see or speak to them very often, so when I saw it was them calling, I was really worried as she's older, vulnerable and in quite poor health.
The man told me not to worry, but he needed to call as the grass in MIL's front garden has got long and it looks awful. He said that the neighbours have all spoken to each other and agreed that they should not do it, but it should be done and that maybe I should do it, or maybe a gardener could do it, but he didn't want to recommend a gardener.
We do pop round with food or pharmacy deliveries from time to time, but don't go in and I've also been trying to isolate due to asthma. He knows this.
Initially, I felt really guilty, because I'm a bit of a people pleaser, but I think it's a bit of a cheek really, especially given the current situation. She has a mower, but it's extremely unlikely to have the right blades and I really don't want to go to B&Q or anywhere to get gardening accessories, in fact, I don't think I should even be considering it.

What do you think?

I think it's cheeky of the neighbours to complain about the grass. On the other hand it certainly isn't the job of the neighbours to volunteer to cut it. Just cut the grass or get somebody to do it. It's not rocket science.

My elderly neighbours pay a gardener, which are still available, to do it, now and again is fine, if OH was expected to cut their grass as well as his own that is six lawns every ten days, charity fatigue would set in fast.

The OP said they pop around now and again with food/drugs. Perhaps the neighbours have been picking up the slack and are now in this awful cv cutting back.

TheWernethWife Hence why I used the word “may”. I can’t obviously generalise that every unkempt garden has a vulnerable occupant within the house but it’s one of the factors that will lead a bogus caller to chap that door and not another one.

God, sometimes people just want to disagree with anything!

My neighbour didn't cut his front lawn because he didn't want to. Queue all the other neighbours tut tutting about the state of the neighbourhood, which made him want to cut it even less then!

My own front lawn wasn't mowed for a long time after my XH left because quite frankly, I didn't give a shiny tiny toss about what the lawn looked like. Funnily enough, a kind neighbour offered to mow it for me.

It doesn't have to mean that somebody vulnerable lives somewhere just because the lawn is not cut. It could just mean that they don't give a toss what the stuck up neighbours think.

It doesn't have to mean somebody vulnerable is living somewhere just because the lawn isn't cut However, that's sort of a moot point on this thread.

I'd call an 85 year-old lady living on her own vulnerable. Op says she is "elderly, not physically capable and in poor heath" that's practically the definition of vulnerable.

I wouldn't relay the neighbour's conversation to her either. That would be upsetting for her to hear. The last thing a lone elderly person needs to hear is that her neighbours have been gossiping and criticising her lawn! Poor woman.

No, it doesn’t mean that someone vulnerable lives there. However if they are vulnerable then it’s not a great idea to advertise that if they are.

That is common sense and why anyone would want to dispute it apart from the sole reason of wanting to disagree is beyond me.

Leave it.for the bees and other minibeasts.

Travelling to cut a lawn is not an essential journey.

@Nicknacky I agree. I do think that in the circumstances described, we would have cut the grass when visiting with the medication. My DH would have bought the blades from B@Q if needed and done the job. He wouldn't have done it because the neighbours were moaning about it (it wasn't anything to do with them) but because it needed doing

He said that the neighbours have all spoken to each other and agreed that they should not do it, but it should be done

What a miserable set of neighbours

The neighbours haven’t had the discussion the way it’s presented. At most it’s been a “Neighbour 1-that grass wants cutting but I don’t feel I should do it.... Neighbour 2-“uhh-hmm..” . Just cut it when your next over and pop round to other neighbours house to ask them to tell you of any problems.

It isn't really acceptable to expect an 85yr old woman to get out there and cut the front lawn. Probably.

The neighbours may or may not be helpful to her in other ways.

I see no reason why her son cannot cut the long grass. Surely she would feel more comfortable in a well maintained house and garden?

If you are both unable to help with this, why not just arrange a lawn mowing contractor to mow the lawn, monthly.

It is nice if neighbours can help, but you cannot expect/require them to do what they are not responsible for. She is your relative after all, not theirs.

we do our neighbour's regardless of lockdown, DF does my parents' neighbours because he says the couple next door are elderly, he's 68 the younger of the two next door is 70.... I thought this was just what people did

@Idontwantthis, Yes I agree, this is what most neighbours would do, just help, but obviously these neighbours do not feel the same way.
Perhaps they have reason to not want to get involved, who knows. I have always been lucky to have good neighbours and friends, for which I'm thankful
Surely it can't be too difficult to arrange a monthly cut by a lawnmowing contractor? That is if her own son cannot do it.
A really unkempt garden is the first signal that a vulnerable person lives in this home, whether she is actually vulnerable or not.

Even in lockdown, gardeners are working in my area, with reduced contact with home owners.

It cannot be that difficult to arrange.

Other idea: throw in a few seed bombs - eco friendly wild meadow garden? Much more valuable for wildlife than over-mowed green postage stamps on all the other front lawns!

It is nice if neighbours can help, but you cannot expect/require them to do what they are not responsible for. She is your relative after all, not theirs

Glad I live where I do! We all shop for the elderly, drive them to appointments and help in their gardens if that is what they need. Don't need to ask where their relatives are, just help were you can. You might need assistance yourself one day and how lovely it would be to have people willing to help you.

Perhaps they have reason to not want to get involved, who knows

Not getting involved means exactly that. Not throwing someone else a hand grenade then running away. If he’s that bothered he’d cut it, if he’s not then he should mind his own business.

Thanks for your replies. She doesn't rely on the neighbours at all. She has daily carers and we tend to do things or arrange help. It's not that we don't want to or wouldn't. The point was I wondered if he was a bit off calling like he did.
Anyway, the plot thickened. DH called her and offered to arrange a gardener to come fortnightly. She said no as her neighbour(not the one who called) cuts her lawn. He didn't want to tell her about the conversation, so left it at that.
I spoke to her later and she added that he'd been in and cut her back lawn as he was doing his. She said she's never asked, he just does it and is a lovely man.
I suggested a gardener for the front and she said no, then wanted me to explain why. Luckily she found it hilarious, but said she's definitely not having it cut now, how dare he etc. We agreed to give a couple of weeks then we'll sort it out.

What is all this obsession with other people's grass and front gardens? It's really not on. It's up to the individual whether they want to mow their lawn, not mow it or paint their house in candy stripes.

I agree with you @StoneofDestiny, absolutely, I do what is needed for my elderly neighbours too. I also do volunteer work.
But, these neighbours obviously don't feel the same way.
So the solution is, ??? Make arrangements to to have the grass cut/care attended to etc.
Its not difficult.

Bloody hell. In the time they spent discussing all this amongst themselves someone could have just gone and bloody mowed the grass.

@WhyCantIThinkOfAGoodOne you're definitely not wrong there. Completely ridiculous.

OP, I really like your MILs reaction

I doubt the “neighbors” discussed it.i think it bothers HIM, so he’s being a bit fast and loose with the truth. Offer that he can cut it if he so wishes and that post restrictions, it will be sorted as normal, but during restrictions, it’s not a priority, and that he is NOT to harass your MIL about it. Petty little fucker.

PS It sounds like she has otherwise lovely neighbors, even if that one is a dickwad

@latestnamechange ha! That would be my reaction too I think! Jesus, some people have too much time on their hands. And long grass is better for wildlife