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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Not sure what to think: MIL neighbours

152 replies

latestnamechange · 25/04/2020 18:39

Just had a call from my 85 year old MIL's neighbours. I don't really see or speak to them very often, so when I saw it was them calling, I was really worried as she's older, vulnerable and in quite poor health.
The man told me not to worry, but he needed to call as the grass in MIL's front garden has got long and it looks awful. He said that the neighbours have all spoken to each other and agreed that they should not do it, but it should be done and that maybe I should do it, or maybe a gardener could do it, but he didn't want to recommend a gardener.
We do pop round with food or pharmacy deliveries from time to time, but don't go in and I've also been trying to isolate due to asthma. He knows this.
Initially, I felt really guilty, because I'm a bit of a people pleaser, but I think it's a bit of a cheek really, especially given the current situation. She has a mower, but it's extremely unlikely to have the right blades and I really don't want to go to B&Q or anywhere to get gardening accessories, in fact, I don't think I should even be considering it.

What do you think?

OP posts:

Notverybright · 25/04/2020 20:18

Sorry it was just a joke alsohuman. Long grass is not something I tend to notice, so it wouldn't occur to me to cut it.

1forsorrow · 25/04/2020 20:19

Why can't your DH cut it? It wouldn't be an essential journey for him either.

HedgehogHotel · 25/04/2020 20:21

Text him back to the number he used and tell him your husband thinks it's fine if they want to mow the lawn for her. She'll stay inside while they do so.

That will shut them up, no doubt.

Thehop · 25/04/2020 20:22

“Thanks so much for your call. It’s heartening to know you are all talking about MIL needing some extra help. It’s at times like this that neighbours stepping in to support elderly who’s family can’t get to them that really warms the heart. Thank you again for recognising her lawn needs doing. Whoever has time we’d be very grateful to, as we are isolating and I can’t get a gardener,”

Alsohuman · 25/04/2020 20:23

Sorry @Notverybright, sense of humour failure.

user1511042793 · 25/04/2020 20:25

You were far to nice. Next time don’t be and don’t feel guilty.

Enough4me · 25/04/2020 20:26

Lots of good ideas here OP. Personally I would make a few long mmmm agreeing noises and say a few "I sees", then say you have to go as are busy in isolation, but wish them well.

If they want to pop around with a mower they can do so.

HalloHalloHallo · 25/04/2020 20:29

He said that the neighbours have all spoken to each other and agreed that they should not do it, but it should be done and that maybe I should do it, or maybe a gardener could do it, but he didn't want to recommend a gardener.

Has he even spoken to your MIL about her grass? Why is he phoning you and not MIL's child? Why do the neighbours think they should not cut her grass for her is it a particuarly large garden? Does MIL get on with her neighbours? I guess if she had a gardener last year then they assume she'll have one this year. Can't understand why they are not speaking to MIL about this or why they care so much about her grass. Surely they should only phone you in an actual emergency?

I would ask MIL what's going on. Otherwise I would just ignore the neighbour or have your DH phone the neighbour back to discuss tell him to fuck off.

FiddlefigOnTheRoof · 25/04/2020 20:31

We get constant complaints from neighbours of our disabled relative. She does not make noise, no parties, No Bbq’s, no fires, no rubbish in the front garden etc . Nothing. But obviously her front garden is a little unkempt and apparently you can see bottles on the windowsill through one of the windows. It’s like they’ve got nothing better to do but stress about the little things in life instead of being grateful they are not seriously disabled and mind their own bloody business.

Nicknacky · 25/04/2020 20:34

I will say it again. Consider getting it cut as a neglected and unkempt garden may draw attention that a vulnerable person lives at that address. Don’t think people aren’t preying on the vulnerable during this time as many other avenues of income are cut off to them.

Bogus callers look for many clues as to which houses to target, this being one of them. Do what you can to prevent that.

LouHotel · 25/04/2020 20:43

I’d cut it and then buy the most unsightly garden gnomes, flamingo’s and giant pineapples I could find to spruce it up....I’d even get some of those giant mushrooms. Mil being on board of course.

NoisyTwats · 25/04/2020 20:47

LouHotel Sat 25-Apr-20 20:43:46 I’d cut it and then buy the most unsightly garden gnomes, flamingo’s and giant pineapples I could find to spruce it up.

lol

Pixie2015 · 25/04/2020 20:47

Could a gardener not be paid there maybe one doing other lawns and might be useful for future if she is not strong enough to cut own grass

KnobwithaK · 25/04/2020 20:50

What an absolute twat!

SmileyClare · 25/04/2020 20:51

Nickynicky that's a good point. A garden neglected for a several months might also make it appear that the house is empty? It probably would cheer MIL up as well to look out on a neat garden.

Shame that the neighbour didn't take this caring tone though or consider any of those things. He just said "it looks awful" like a dickhead.

ilovemyrednosedaymug · 25/04/2020 20:54

YANBU and these sort of people really piss me off. They are more concerned about appearances and how everything looks than anything else.

The kind thing to do to help the 85yo lady, would be for one of these oh so concerned neighbours, to offer to mow her lawn for her......

My lawnmower man has still been mowing my lawn, he lives in my road so walks here, and there is no reason why not as he comes into contact with nobody else while he is doing it. So there is no reason at all why one of them can't do it with their own mower.

Tell them if they are that concerned then you give your permission for one of them to mow it.

SmileyClare · 25/04/2020 20:59

The day after I moved house I had left several collapsed cardboard boxes in my front garden to take to the tip. A neighbour knocked on my door to ask me to Move that rubbish, it looks awful.

I thought he was going to say Welcome to the neighbourhood

Some people are obsessed about the "tone" of the neighbourhood and are arseholes unfortunately.

Chloemol · 25/04/2020 21:07

Tell them you can’t do it, so they have a choice, be neighbourly and do it for your mil, it’s outside so there will not be a problem, or wait until lockdown is finished and you will sort then

LimitIsUp · 25/04/2020 21:08

So unneighbourly of them. Would it kill them to do it

Khione · 25/04/2020 21:09

Semantics BUT

'All neighbours discussed and (it was) agreed they shouldn't do it'. Suggests to me that one neighbour (the one that phoned) has canvassed the others

'Mrs X garden needs a cut doesn't it?'
'Mmm I guess so'
'I don't see why I should do it, do you?'
'Well no, you don't have to do it'

Possibly one or more others may have agreed a bit more but I doubt it was as clear cut as he has said.

(Assuming it was a he since he seems to think it is your job to organise it. Although I guess that isn't solely a male trait to see it as wifework)

Coffeecak3 · 25/04/2020 21:09

I'm surprised the neighbours have decided they won't cut the grass, that seems rather unfriendly.

However your dh if he lives fairly close by should go and cut the grass for his dm.
As a pp said an unkempt garden will draw attention to the house.

seltaeb · 25/04/2020 21:10

Just tell them that within the context of the 'unprecendented' situation we are in a bit of uncut grass is of no importance.

Appuskidu · 25/04/2020 21:15

He said that the neighbours have all spoken to each other and agreed that they should not do it, but it should be done

What an unhelpful and interfering phone call!

Mittens030869 · 25/04/2020 21:15

They should do it themselves if they're so concerned about it. How ridiculous. My MIL lives on her own in my DH's childhood home, as she's refused to move, and there's no way either my DH or BIL could mow her lawn on a regular basis. (We had a neighbour of hers make a comment to my DH once, despite us living a 3 hour drive away. )

mynamesmrdiggety · 25/04/2020 21:16

They're utter shits if they won't do it themselves if it bothers them. Ignore.

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