To ask a friend to change the ring?

[JeniJeniJeni]

Ok so background - partner snd I have been together a few years and have discussed marriage so it’s not a surprise that he is going to propose eventually - but he’s quite traditional and will want it to be a surprise for me when he does it, so I don’t want us to shop for rings together or anything... I also know he’s whatsapped one of my friends asking her for advice about the proposal (she told me this.)

An email popped up on his phone that was from a jeweller and there was a RE: in the subject line so he’d clearly made an enquiry, not just a marketing email. OBVIOUSLY I looked (and I dearly wish I hadn’t)

I don’t HATE the ring but I’m really not sure about it. It’s not what I would have picked. He’s agreed to buy it after the lockdown when he can go to the shop but I don’t know if he’s paid a deposit for it...

AIBU to ask one of my friends to suggest some alternatives? I don’t want her to tell him I’ve seen it but maybe she could say she’s not sure it’s ‘me’. Or should I just suck it up?

Also I know I’m being really dramatic and making a mountain out of a molehill and I should be very happy and grateful, which I am - I think because of corona my brain is tricking me into worrying about silly little things so I don’t go crazy worrying about the virus!

I’m amazed people still even get engaged these days. It seems such an old-fashioned and sexist concept.

Even just agreeing between you to get married is getting engaged though. It doesn’t have to be a man down on one knee with a ring. Being engaged is just the time in between deciding to get married and getting married.

Dottie What a lovely story! Thanks for sharing it.

Just find a picture of a ring you love and show it to him!! Tell him you think you're getting a bit excited because you keep imagining having a ring. Or point out ones you like on other people. Or find a pic similar to the one he's thinking of getting and tell him you don't like that one so much. You need to find a way! It's ok to tell him you'd like some say in the type of style!

I wouldn’t have picked my engagement ring but I love it as my husband chose it for me and wouldn’t ever change it. I think it will really put a downer on his proposal if you tell him you know he’s going to propose when he’s trying to surprise you and also that you don’t like the ring he’s picked.

Although above posters method of showing him a pic of one you do like might be a good method!

Just send him a couple of pictures saying FYI, this is exactly the kind of ring I would love when the time comes.

I showed my DH pictures of the type of ring I'd like, and when he proposed he had paid attention to what I like and it was the most beautiful ring and I love it and admire it every day.

You're wearing this for the rest of your life so now is not the time to beat around the bush and end up with something you don't like. That happened to a friend of mine and she really doesn't like her engagement ring and it annoys her to this day. Be direct. It'll save you hassle in the long run.

If you’re talking about getting married, you could say that you’d really like to try engagement rings on together after he proposes. That it’s such a big decision and you’d love to choose together. It’s nice to enjoy it and it’s so expensive you should love it! Don’t involve your friend, you should be able to talk to your future husband directly

I’d tell him too. Then he will know that you access his phone to read his emails and don’t like his choice of ring that was a symbol of his commitment. If I were him, I’d change more than the ring.

Marriage is about making vows for life, not the jewellery or day itself.

You’re being silly. You can’t expect it all to be a big surprise and get exactly the ring you want. Your man is not a mind reader. Either choose your own ring or gratefully accept what is chosen for you, but don’t set your partner up to fail with unrealistic expectations.

Can't get over the fact you openned his email! Maybe this is karma?