daughter not allowed out?

[LittleLeaps]

We live in a tiny 2 bedroom flat, it has got a communal garden available for all of the residents but we don't use it every single day. My 4 year old has been cooped up inside for weeks, it's very hard to take her out for walks because she has asthma and I am very scared of her catching anything, it would also mean my baby (aged 11 months) is stuck in the pram not having any outside play. Today I took her down to play in the communal area, she was running about but not near other people - she was definitely 2m away from anyone else, she wasnt noisy just running about to burn off some energy. I have a baby who I was sitting on the grass with while watching my elder daughter at the same time. Another woman and her friend? Was sitting on a bench in the garden and said 'could you keep hold of your daughter, it's the reason my mother wont come down'. Was I being unreasonable to take my daughter down and let her play? She is an extremely energetic child trying to get her to sit still and play is like trying to catch water with your hands.

I feel awful and now dont feel like I can take my children out on my own at all, I'm really struggling with mental health issues and being stuck indoors is making them alot worse, and now I feel like the only outside time we have is being taken away. Obviously my daughters outside time isn't more important than anyone elses, but surely it's not less important either?

My daughter heard the woman and is now upset because she feels like shes not allowed outside, and also cant understand why someone wouldn't want to come down just because she was in the same garden. (Very big garden).

Sorry should have added she and her sister both got chicken pox before lockdown so we've had an extra two weeks ontop of lockdown being inside, I know it's hard for everybody but it just feels never ending.

You have as much right to use it as anyone else. Maybe you could work out a rota between you so your daughter and her mother both get time there on their own

It's difficult with shared space. Why not suggest a rota

Why not ask the other person to agree a schedule for times your daughter and you can be there while her Mother is not?
One could use am, the other pm for example.

It really ought to be possible to reach a happy agreement if all parties are willing to compromise and respect others needs.

Yanbu. Schedule times if it’s an issue.

Or designate different parts of the garden for your use and their use

I would also suggest a rota so everyone gets to use the space and feel relaxed while doing so.
Your dc need space and time outside but I can also see why the older lady might be worried about sharing the space.
A simple rota removes the stress for everyone.

Ignore OP, you and your daughter have every right to be there. Tbh in my opinion, if pushed on the debate, I would say young children have the greatest need and right to be outside.
Please do try and get out every day for your sanity, a walk round the block as well as use your communal area.

(I like to think) I would say that I was not planning on spending the whole day in the garden and just needed some time to let my child expel some energy after being cooped up inside.

As long as you were keeping an eye on your DD and she wasn't taking up the whole garden with her running about then there shouldn't have been a problem. You can't expect a 4yo to sit down all the time when outside. You say it's a big garden - does it get very busy with people using it?

Ask the resident that said their mother won't come down what time she would like to use the garden. Then you tell her you'll come down at a set time?

Negotiate a rota of times to work around each other. Children have as much right to the outdoors as adults of any age.
For good health children burn more energy than older adults which is harder for them to achieve indoors.

A rota or set time does sound like a good idea, I'll see if I can suggest it there are alot of residents so it might be hard to work out but it might work. Surprisingly the garden doesnt get very busy at all, today was the busiest I've seen and there were about 6 people (including myself and my 2 children).

If there weren’t many people outside, perhaps you won’t see them again. Can you move further away from them next time? If otoh, they’re there permanently, your response could be that the garden is shared and that they cannot monopolise it for most of the day. Then suggest if they don’t want to be around your dc, you will be there at x and/or y time.

As for your dd, just say the ladies are sleepy and don’t want to play or something and suggest you go somewhere else in the garden.

You've got enough on your plate without working out a rota for all the residents which you don't even need, OP. Just have a conversation with the person who complained and sort out a rota for the two of you.

You have just as much right to use the garden as they do. Suggest a schedule.

Ridiculous OP.

It's a shared area. Do not allow this to put you off.

Very difficult for people without private gardens.

The garden is for everyone. Go to the other side of the space if you see her. She shoukd do the same if you are in situ first.

Take care. This is an extremely difficult for young families.

It sounds as if your daughter was staying away from other people, but the other lady was (perhaps naturally) worried that she wouldn't.

Perhaps another solution would be to lay a washing line or something on the ground that your daughter knows she's not allowed to cross, and tell other residents (note in the lobby?) that's the case, so that they know they're "safe" 2m the other side of that. Whether that works depends on the layout, of course.

A combination of that and sharing times might work for everyone, including other families.

It's a shared area. Presumably your daughter wasn't there all day so her mother could come down later if she doesn't want to be near a child. Unless someone is hogging the communal area people should just use common sense. If someone was down there have a quiet picnic I'd probably wait half an hour and come out later. Likewise if I wanted to sit quietly and read a book and someone was out with an energetic child I'd just wait a bit and use the garden later.

Does your daughter understand that she can't go near others? If she does and the garden is big enough then I don't see the problem or why you even need a rota really. You could use paving chalk to visually show her what area to stick to, or maybe jumpers on the floor if it's grass. I think it would be a shame to remove the spontaneity for your daughter if all that's needed is some good old fashioned sharing.

It's not like you're out all day, every day.
Carry on as you are, or use the garden more- it's communal- and let the dickhead other lady know your dd understands distancing but you'll be out around X times so her mother can avoid you.

No one has any more or less rights to that communal space than anyone else and she had no right to be so rude to you or your dd.

OP that sounds really hard for you and I agree with lots of others, a schedule or rota or sounds like a good idea. I know you might feel like you shouldn’t have to, but some adults are a little bit nervous that small children might (quite understandably) not understand the importance of maintaining distance - having had a small child run right into the back of me while I was paying for shopping the other day, I number myself among them. Everyone is a little bit more anxious than usual so going the extra mile to ensure everyone can be comfortable in the shared space would be a nice thing to do.

I live in a condominium, OP, and there are always some people who forget that children have rights too. We should all be considerate, of course, but you need to grow a thicker skin.

I'd ignore her.

And/or say you and your daughters won't use the communal benches, and 'chalk' or 'paint' a large 3 meter (to be safe) circle around each bench and tell you DD she must never enter the circles.

But it is your garden and her garden, too. And children need to be outside running and getting fresh air when they can. Yours in particular has been cooped up long enough. don't be bullied or guilted into not getting outside when the weather is nice. It's your garden, too!

you have been inside for weeks. Was this persons mother using the garden every day then? regardless is a communal area and you have every right to use it. I find this woman a little rude.