daughter not allowed out?

[LittleLeaps]

We live in a tiny 2 bedroom flat, it has got a communal garden available for all of the residents but we don't use it every single day. My 4 year old has been cooped up inside for weeks, it's very hard to take her out for walks because she has asthma and I am very scared of her catching anything, it would also mean my baby (aged 11 months) is stuck in the pram not having any outside play. Today I took her down to play in the communal area, she was running about but not near other people - she was definitely 2m away from anyone else, she wasnt noisy just running about to burn off some energy. I have a baby who I was sitting on the grass with while watching my elder daughter at the same time. Another woman and her friend? Was sitting on a bench in the garden and said 'could you keep hold of your daughter, it's the reason my mother wont come down'. Was I being unreasonable to take my daughter down and let her play? She is an extremely energetic child trying to get her to sit still and play is like trying to catch water with your hands.

I feel awful and now dont feel like I can take my children out on my own at all, I'm really struggling with mental health issues and being stuck indoors is making them alot worse, and now I feel like the only outside time we have is being taken away. Obviously my daughters outside time isn't more important than anyone elses, but surely it's not less important either?

My daughter heard the woman and is now upset because she feels like shes not allowed outside, and also cant understand why someone wouldn't want to come down just because she was in the same garden. (Very big garden).

I can understand you might be concerned and your daughter needs to be out, but we have a family here who let their children run about on the grassed area nears ours. Trying to maintain social distancing when they are out is impossible. It’s a public area and they have every right to it, but I’m afraid it does impact on others.

She wasnt sticking to the rules either if she was sat with a friend.

Ignore and let your DD enjoy some outside time.

It's showing that children don't transmit it and people should be keeping up with the science of this.

If she's that concerned then she agrees to a rota, or she stays in. But she could easily keep away.

You absolutely should continue to use the garden. And if she says anything again, point out that this will only be the second time in however many weeks that you have used it, so her mum has had plenty of opportunity to use it in all that time. Let her know when you'll be leaving, so that she can tell her mum the garden is ' free' again.

It's ridiculous that you have to go through that, as you have every much right as anyone else to be there. But at least you'll have fought your corner.

'could you keep hold of your daughter, it's the reason my mother wont come down'.

"Oh it's ok, tell your mother my daughter knows not to go near other people".

That should've been it really. Enough to put her mind at rest I mean.

It's showing that children don't transmit it and people should be keeping up with the science of this

whats your source for this? Children do transmit the virus with a high percentage showing no symptoms themselves.

Of course yanbu. Just ignore them. There's 23 other hours in the day when this woman's mother could use the garden. Sounds more like she's on a power trip than anything else though. I bet her mum's not bothered at all.

I think I would have told the other woman that it's up to her mother whether she comes down now, later or not at all, and nothing to do with you. You and your kids are entitled to use the garden.

It's a shared garden, as long as you aren't out there all day (as no one should be in a shared garden for fairness), then no one trumps anyone else. A rota if it was workable could be a good idea, although might just turn into one of those 'things' that actually makes things harder. Either way, you were not being unreasonable.

You have as much right to use the garden as any other resident.

I would pick a time that works best for you, morning or afternoon, then go out. if you see the other resident again, say you will be out most mornings / afternoons, so she can let her mother know you won't be out in the garden after lunch/in the morning/ early evening.

If all the residents want to draw up a rota, that's a different issue. But it's just one lady who doesn't want to be out at the same time as your child, then saying you'll stick to a similar time each day so she can work round that is fair enough.

We're in a flat with communal gardens. People are managing without a rota by being understanding and sensible. My daughter is 2 and I tell her not to get close to others. Everyone just kind of stays in little zones. It's fine.

You carry on taking ur little ones out in the garden, you have every right. This lock down is certainly bring the best, but unfortunately also the worse of people.

Take your DD for walks. Unless she's actually in the shielding group you should go out.

So why can’t the mother come down after you have gone back up. Presumably no one is trying to use it all day!
I might have missed it but please say you didn’t go inside when that woman made the comment.

Our block has a little courtyard, we have set up a rota giving everyone the same amount of time, people can ‘donate’ any slots they don’t want to use. It has worked very well.

Keep hold of her... do they think she's a dog!
That would piss me right off.
I guess you could try marking out an area with bottles/ blankets to set your boundaries I.e. claim your space.

She has no right to tell you how to use the communal garden. They're being pathetic and I'd ignore them or suggest a rota.

I think the people were a bit mean to say that. Your daughter was not too near them and you were keeping an eye on her. It's unfortunate that feelings run so high at the moment but from what you say, you did nothing wrong and no harm was done. Poor little kids, makes you wonder if some of these folk were ever children.

CottonSock said:
I guess you could try marking out an area with bottles/ blankets to set your boundaries I.e. claim your space.
.......
That sounds like a good plan.

My block has a shared roof garden - admittedly no children, but everyone managing to use it without any space concerns and no rota system.
Its a four storey block - so around a quarter of the space per apartment, I suppose it depends on the ratio of space to people.
I just sit and read a book mostly - but I do feel a bit sorry for people in top floor apartments with people running, skipping and doing star jumps and stuff!

I would take your daughter properly out. Exercise and fresh air is important for asthma sufferers. Unless you have a shielding letter. Choose a time when there are less people to go to bigger grassed area, ie not weekends, ive found 8-10 weekdays very quiet. I think at some point you need to consider that you cannot be at home forever (ie for six months) and in the meantime your daughter needs to take proper exercise, sunlight, change of scene to build her immune system for that eventuality (going out into wider world after six months) I think your elderly neighbour is a red herring.

This makes me really sad. It’s a shared space. And you shouldn’t have to contain a 4yo. I hope you can continue to enjoy your garden without being hassled in the future.

You have a right to use the garden as do all the other residents. It's interesting that you don't want to take her out for a walk because she has asthma and you're scared and therefore don't want her to catch it, and yet you're happy to take her into an enclosed space where other people are sitting who could be infectious and you don't know it. The other woman might be equally as scared of catching it.
I think you need to make it clear to the other resident that you'll be using the space for no more than an hour in the morning and an hour in the afternoon, so if she does want to use it, she'll have plenty of opportunity to do so. Don't make a rota, because four year olds don't understand the concept of time!

People saying you have every right to be there - only if you can socially distance and only if you can be sure your child won't go within 2m of someone else so it's not an absolute right to be outside.