If you have ASD is your thinking very black and white, do you have a strong moral core, and are you a stickler for rules?

[SistemaAddict]

Posting here for traffic, sorry. It might be better in another topic.

Looking back at my life so far, I have always had very black and white thinking, a strong sense of right and wrong, and am a stickler for rules in general although have broken many in my time and it makes me very anxious. I am always concerned with the potential consequences of any bending or breaking of rules or societally defined morals.

I have ASD and understand it to be potentially linked but haven't looked into it in any depth. I am just wondering if anyone else on here is the same and finding lockdown particularly difficult with all the rule breaking and bending going on (if Mumsnet is anything to go by)? If you do then how do you cope with it?

@Gilead do you find your moral code is just the way you personally think things ought to be done? Ive never really thought about it before.
I do know that I have a strong feeling that my way of doing things is the correct way and I have strong feelings about "social justice" for want of a better phrase.

It depends. My DD is a stickler for the rules, she is very gullible will believe anything she is told, she is righteous while gentle and fearful.
DS is highly intelligent, he hates rules, everything is the way he wants no black or white, he enjoys hurting or annoying other DC he is very possessive, obsessive, lacks compassion. He'll attack for any reason especially if I vacuum. He'll need a lot of therapy to get on in life, he has ASD and DMDD.

My own rules I stick by, the same goes for what I think is morally right/wrong.
BUT I'm also quite impressionable and easily led into another way of thinking which then will be my "code to live by" if that makes sense?
I have aspergers.

"My code to live by" explain exactly what happens with me. My diagnosis was Asperger's too.

*explains

My teen DS is exactly like this. He takes everything literally and doesn't understand sarcasm. Everything is black or white or right or wrong. He doesn't like double standards or when rules are not applied evenly.

This has caused no end of problems, that have resulted in him having a really hard time over the last few years. If you want him to do something, and he doesn't see why he should, then you have to explain why he needs to do it and why it's a good idea and the reasoning behind it.

I spoke to his key worker today, who last week had asked my DS to "wait a minute" on the phone, while he looked something up. He thought DS had put the phone down (because of the silence) but apparently DS was timing exactly one minute on his watch before speaking again.

I'm over 60 and was only diagnosed with ASD last summer. It explains a lot. I wouldn't say I have black and white thinking but I do have a very strong sense of personal integrity. I wouldn't do anything that breached my rules for myself, though I'm fine breaking other rules, even laws, if I don't see the point of them.

My mum has always said I'm far more honest than her, which baffles me as she's a much better person than I am. It's just that I find lying really uncomfortable. Not that I never lie but I hate doing it.

I'm gradually learning more about my ASD and it's answered a lot of questions about myself.

I'm high functioning autistic. I follow rules and get stressed when others dont but what's really helped through my life if focusing on myself. You cant control what others do, you have to factor that into your expectations. Dont worry about what they're doing, just focus on what you can control- tour actions and reactions.
My thinking is very chaotic, not black and white though, I cant really stick one opinion well, I kind of see every point of view at once.

Although you didn't ask, I will say I'm loving social distancing! I'm always the one moving away from people, not wanting to be touched or close go someone, and it feels so freeing to not be battling that so much.

Ah just read osone other replies and need to clarify- I follow rules I agree with. So really struggled at school with dress codes and stuff becuase its utter bullshit and I found the clothing rules really uncomfortable.

Nottherealslimshady - My DS is exactly like this. Any rules he thinks are pointless he just will not follow. He also enjoys a good argument when he thinks he's right so this often results in bad times.

I have many of the traits people have already listed but a different diagnosis, which my family think is wrong.
I seem to make friends very easily but they don't stick and drift away. I get tired of other peoples company very quickly. I can't always think of anything to say.
I very rarely cry. If I do cry it doesn't last long.

I used to get very frustrated as a small child, feel massively misunderstood, and have epic meltdowns.
I had an overload and meltdown this morning, because I had to deal with someone who isn't following the rules, and is being a massive dick, followed by trying to sort out the mess they made and ending up being dicked around by 3 separate agencies.

My GP isn't interested in helping me get a diagnosis. I wonder if it would help if I could find out one way or the other.

I have a very strong moral code, but I often don't give a damn about rules

This is similar to both of my sons. They both have their own code which they will adhere to no matter what - unsurprisingly there is a bit of conflict between DS1's code and DS2's code. They can both also recite whatever the rules are for whatever situation they're in, such as school rules or road safety rules, and they will apply those rules mercilessly to others. I've had issues before where they have told people off for their parking or have loudly pointed out what other people are doing wrong. However things become a lot more vague when it comes to applying the rules to themselves and when you outright ask whether a rule applies to them as well as everyone else they either avoid answering the question altogether or else have a cast iron (to their mind) reason as to why it does not.

Friendships are a similar situation. They can both rattle off a list of what makes a good friend but they are both a bit sketchy on applying it to themselves and what their own role in such a relationship should be.

Yes this very much is true of me. I also find it almost impossible to lie, and people often assume I’m joking about something when I’m completely serious. I deal very badly with uncertainty so the Covid-19 pandemic is causing me significant problems—not because of the lockdown (I already work from home and have virtually no friends anyway to socialise with) but because of the lack of of clarity over extension/relaxing it. I could easily remain in lockdown forever if that was required (I have no children) but I don’t like not knowing what will happen.

@ofwarren. We obviously like the same books!

@gilead we definitely do 😁
Patiently waiting for the new series too but I'm assuming it won't happen this year.

@ofwarren, sorry my eyesight is grim at the moment (steroid induced cataract), so posted too soon. My moral code is very much about how things should be done, but societal rather than in home. It’s this that has me ignoring rules though. For example if a parent stile a pair of shoes so that their child could attend school ( if the choice were food or shoes) , I would not punish the parent for the crime but would refer to services that could help.

My ds is autistic and has a strong sense of what's right and wrong and how rules apply to other people but will lie himself out of anything.

I have ASD.

I've found lockdown relatively easy. I have my walk each day and follow the "rules" pretty much to the letter, as does DH.

But others breaking the rules doesn't really bother me. I can't control the actions of strangers, after all.

I have never been diagnosed but I can relate to this thread so much. I have strong morals and I have no qualms about telling people if they’re doing something wrong. I don’t speak to my best friend of 12 years because she had an affair with a married man and I just couldn’t comprehend how she could do that and bring so much hurt and pain to his wife. I hate how people aren’t following the lockdown rules. I can’t stand people that steal, commit fraud etc. My rules are all black and white and there are no grey areas.

My teen DS is like this. He has a diagnosis but a more atypical presentation than what people might imagine. He has his own 'rules' and is fairly black and white with them but to anyone watching him they'd think he was a rule breaker because he frequently doesn't see the point in rules set by others.

That's really interesting. I am autistic, and am pretty sure that my daughter is also on the spectrum - she is an obsessive rule follower. However, my son cannot get the concept of "abstract" rules at all - for example, he doesn't understand why he can't do what he wants at any time at school. He doesn't "get" authority - if he wants to do something, then why shouldn't he be allowed to do it? He's not demand avoidant, he just doesn't understand and then gets frustrated. At the same time, he can get very distressed if we don't follow one of his rules, which can be somewhat inexplicable - i.e. some sandwich fillings require butter, and others do not, or games should be played a certain way. It can be hard to get him to explain what the issue is, as he assumes we should know. I suppose in the same way that we assume he should know that if a teacher tells him to do something, then he should do it. This thread has been a little enlightening for me!

My daughter is autistic and goes mad when people break the rules. She hates hearing about people breaking lockdown so have to be really careful what we discuss when she is near. At the start of lockdown my dad was going to the shop daily for his paper (luckily stopped that now) and she'd be in tears begging him not to.
It's not just limited to lockdown though she is the same with rules anywhere and doesn't understand bending the rules. She can't really lie either. She will but then burst into tears and admit the truth.
I think it must be quite hard always having to follow routines and rules so strictly but it seems to work for her.

I have two autistic sons and they both love and adhere to rules. The eldest is intelligent and he follows society's rules but the younger one is learning disabled and imposes rules on himself but couldn't give a fuck about laws or what society wants from him.

I am a flexible, people-loving rule breaker but I totally respect and admire each of my sons for who they are, so I just go with the flow.

I worked with a woman who I always thought was autistic and I loved how she spoke up when senior managers broke their own rules. I like to challenge bullshit too so between us we gave the pompous arses as good as we got

I'm glad I started this thread.
I found I used to get irrationally angry as a young child and adult if things weren't as expected or if people said no for no good reason in my eyes.I hid under the bed at my own birthday party, I refuse to open gifts in front of people as it makes me very anxious but I love giving gifts.

I'm Happy with lockdown too but I am missing our train trips out to the Peak District and the beach.

I do not like being touched by strangers and have severe misophonia. I also have very strong senses and get overstimulated by everything and want to hide away.