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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Child care and work

60 replies

Pippinsqueak · 23/04/2020 07:04

Going to try and keep this brief

Husband and I are key workers (health)

His job role is stable in a hospital, mine is community based and varies from day to day even pre corona.

So far I've been scrapping for work at home ( as per government guidelines) so I can look after 15 month old but this is no longer possible long term. My work are saying that I could be working from home and asked to go on visits at a drop of a hat or I could be required to work in another setting etc. But actual work is very limited and I spend most of my day twiddling my thumbs.

My usual childminder would take her but she will be the only child there and child minder would have to self isolate from her family due to 2 of them having health conditions.

Or

My work is saying I have to place my daughter in emergency child care setting provided by the council.

This goes against every fibre of my being as I won't know any of the staff, they won't know my baby, we re not permitted to have a look around the place because of infection control, there will be no settling in period etc I feel like I'm being asked to dump my child with strangers in the middle of a pandemic. She's 15 months old, not the best eater at time, is rocked to sleep but thrives at her usual childminders.

I have asked to be furloughed or something similar as I don't expect to be paid to sit at home and look after my child but at the same time can't afford not to bring in a wage. Before anyone says it yes I know other people are in the same situation and no my child isn't special (but she's my world).

AIBU to feel uneasy about dumping her in to emergency child care in the middle of a pandemic ?

Or am I totally justified to feel this way but have to do it anyway?

Please be kind I've had a lot of stress over this

OP posts:
MsChatterbox · 23/04/2020 07:22

No you're not being unreasonable. I would feel exactly the same way. I'm a sahm... This is the kind of thing that if I was working would make me consider if I wanted to be a sahm... Sorry I know that's not the best of most sensible advice in the current climate and realise not everyone can afford it!

Original poster
Pippinsqueak · 23/04/2020 07:25

Thank you, my manager is so un sympathetic and doesn't have children (a spade is a spade to her) and thinks that even if I am say at home waiting for work that my child should be in emergency childcare.

OP posts:
fuzzymoon · 23/04/2020 07:35

It's awful for you. I totally understand why you don't want her in key worker care.

The problem is that you would place her in childcare normally to do the work you do. Your boss isn't being mean if there is no work for you to do at home. They can't pay you not to work and they need the cover.

The decision is yours. You either ask to not work for three months or you put her in childcare.

This situation is horrendous. The decisions we have to make, emotional, financial and health. Our lives are falling apart in every sense.

RedHelenB · 23/04/2020 07:38

Why cant she go to her usual childminder if she's happy to have her?

PotteringAlong · 23/04/2020 07:40

Why can’t she just go to her usual childminder if she’s happy to take her?

worldsworststepfordwife · 23/04/2020 07:41

Because the childminders family members must be shielding

MsChatterbox · 23/04/2020 07:43

Could you afford to be sent on unpaid leave maybe? So when things are back to normal you can go back and daughter can go back to childminder? If you can afford it it might be worth bringing up.

Teddypops · 23/04/2020 07:48

With people shielding in your usual childminders family surely she won't be able to have your child for a long time?

Can you afford to give up your job?

working5to9 · 23/04/2020 07:49

Is there an alternative? Is there another cm who could take your child at this time?

BooSurprise · 23/04/2020 07:49

It is really difficult, I’m also a health worker and my children had to go into emergency childcare as their usual provider couldn’t take them, although they were older than yours. Luckily they were happy and it worked well. If you work for a NHS there is almost no chance of you being furloughed as there is plenty of work to be done, even if it means you have to be redeployed.
So I think your options are to take unpaid leave of some kind to have a job to go back to, or find some kind of childcare. If the usual childminder is happy to take them, then that is her decision and she will be doing so knowing the situation. Equally your boss is right if you are community working, but they are restricting office access etc, then it is not unreasonable for you to be at home waiting to visit and consequently your child needs to be in some kind of childcare to enable this, as visits can not be delayed - this is what we are doing. Alternatively you and your OH need to both have discussions with work to work alternative shifts so that one of you can be at home for childcare, whilst the other person works, it’s not ideal, buts it’s also not forever.

Original poster
Pippinsqueak · 23/04/2020 07:50

@RedHelenB she's a bit reluctant to take her as she will be the only child there but mire so because she would have to isolate herself from her family as two members have health conditions and both my husband and I would be coming into contact with c19 patients

OP posts:
TinnedPearsForPudding · 23/04/2020 07:52

If you work for the NHS you cannot be furloughed. The scheme does not cover "Govt" employees as effectively they would be paying twice for you

Original poster
Pippinsqueak · 23/04/2020 07:54

Thank you for your replies. It's all common sense and reality.

I can't afford to take un laid leave so if my childminder won't take her, I have no option but to put her in emergency child care. As pp have said if she was older I wouldn't be bothered but she's so small still to me.

Husband can't help as he a night shift worker who can't work static shifts

It's a horrible situation not just for me but for lots of people.

I even thought of taking a loan out for a few months but then realised I can't even pay that back

OP posts:
SailorGirl3 · 23/04/2020 07:55

My local authority aren't taking Essential Workers children under the age of 3. So you might want to look to see if there is any age restrictions there. It's a tough decision to make, but you need to do what's best for you

Schoolchoicesucks · 23/04/2020 07:57

Childcare is listed as a reason that an employee may request to be furloughed. I don't know who your employer is, but in private non-key worker roles this would be allowed (as long as the employer agrees and can cover the remaining work).

I guess the difference is that you are a key worker- your employer may not be eligible for the furlough scheme - and there is theoretical childcare available.

It's tough OP. Has your employer responded to your furlough request?

SailorGirl3 · 23/04/2020 08:00

Sorry, the app cheated before I finished that post. Some private nursery's are open to take the younger children, but it has to be paid for at their rates, which a lot of people can't/would struggle to afford

Ginfilledcats · 23/04/2020 08:05

You never know she might love it at the new childcare facilities. I'd give it a go before writing it off.

But yes unfortunately you would have to ask for unpaid leave but this won't necessarily be granted. I've had staff request this (I'm also NHS) and it's been rejected by the panels so people either have to work or face disciplinary as we need the staff in.

Awful times, awful situation but it is extreme and unusual. Best of luck for your child settling in, they're more resilient than you think. And thank you for all you and your partner are doing

lyralalala · 23/04/2020 08:11

Could you find out more about your local hub setting before deciding?

They are very very different per area it seems. Two of DH’s relatives are using their area hub. One sounds insanely chaotic and busy. Whereas in the other the 12mo who goes is in a room with one other child and 3 staff and is loving it because there’s loads of toys and loads of attention.

welshweasel · 23/04/2020 08:14

Totally justified to feel this way but unfortunately there isn’t a lot of choice. I refused to send my 14 month old and 4 year old to the childcare hub and instead have paid one of our usual nursery workers to come and nanny for us until nursery opens again. If she stops coming then we will put them in the hospital nursery.

dottiedodah · 23/04/2020 08:15

I think it is difficult for you. But as you say you need to work, and emergency childcare will be a Nursery setting ,and will be staffed by caring kind people(all need to be checked!) I was a Nursery Teacher and we all love children or wouldnt be in the job! Your little one is special ,and most Nurseries have key workers/special times when they can have a cuddle/read a book together ,just as at your usual provider.

Original poster
Pippinsqueak · 23/04/2020 08:20

Thank you all I guess my first step is to see if my childminder will have her, then if not il have to place her in somewhere else. It physically hurts my chest to think of doing that. I've been told that I won't be allowed to view the facilities beforehand it's just a list, see who is available, a telephone call to discuss said child, turn up and leave her at the door :(

OP posts:
Original poster
Pippinsqueak · 23/04/2020 08:22

As got the furlough thing, I'm not nhs but work for a council that provides services for nhs

OP posts:
CastleCrasher · 23/04/2020 08:48

If you work for the council you're still paid from public funds so can't be furloughed. If your childminder is willing, I'd use her. You seem to be second guessing her choice, but if she wasn't willing she'd have said so

Jellycatspyjamas · 23/04/2020 09:00

I’m not sure you can’t be furloughed if you work for the council - I work for the council and have been offered furlough for childcare reasons. We’ve come to a good working arrangement instead but if that doesn’t work they’re clear that they’ll furlough me.

BocolateChiscuits · 23/04/2020 09:10

You may have done this already, but maybe ask your childminder if she has another childminder friend who could take her? If she's anything like our childminder she would normally spend a lot of time with the other childminders and their mindees during the day (groups, play dates). She might know someone who your child is already familiar with, and would appreciate the work.

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