Child care and work

[Pippinsqueak]

Going to try and keep this brief

Husband and I are key workers (health)

His job role is stable in a hospital, mine is community based and varies from day to day even pre corona.

So far I've been scrapping for work at home ( as per government guidelines) so I can look after 15 month old but this is no longer possible long term. My work are saying that I could be working from home and asked to go on visits at a drop of a hat or I could be required to work in another setting etc. But actual work is very limited and I spend most of my day twiddling my thumbs.

My usual childminder would take her but she will be the only child there and child minder would have to self isolate from her family due to 2 of them having health conditions.

Or

My work is saying I have to place my daughter in emergency child care setting provided by the council.

This goes against every fibre of my being as I won't know any of the staff, they won't know my baby, we re not permitted to have a look around the place because of infection control, there will be no settling in period etc I feel like I'm being asked to dump my child with strangers in the middle of a pandemic. She's 15 months old, not the best eater at time, is rocked to sleep but thrives at her usual childminders.

I have asked to be furloughed or something similar as I don't expect to be paid to sit at home and look after my child but at the same time can't afford not to bring in a wage. Before anyone says it yes I know other people are in the same situation and no my child isn't special (but she's my world).

AIBU to feel uneasy about dumping her in to emergency child care in the middle of a pandemic ?

Or am I totally justified to feel this way but have to do it anyway?

Please be kind I've had a lot of stress over this

@CastleCrasher she said she would have to talk to her family about it and get back to me today.

Without being too outing I work in a council team but I am employed by another company (it's called inter grated working apparently) it's all very complicated

Lesson learned, after this make sure I have enough savings to be off work for at least three months

If your childminder hasn't said no then I'd take that as a yes. That has to be the first choice here. Alternatively is there a neighbor who you could pay £5 an hour to babysit in your house. Plan C for me would be DH gets out of bed and sucks it up. He can lie on the sofa and she can watch TV for the few hours you'll be away. It's shit but preferable to the emergency care you are describing. I've worked in nurseries where the kids have cried for 4 hours solid it's not fun for anyone involved.

I would be very unhappy about that too. Can you afford unpaid leave (for either you or your partner, whoever earns less) if you take a mortgage holiday? Assuming you have a mortgage of course.

Do u mean the cm will be isolating from people in her own house? As they should be isolating from other family members anyway?

Public sector workers can be furloughed. It’s just that the employer can’t claim back the 80% of pay from the furlough scheme (as they already have public funding to pay salaries).

I would ask around about childminders. Any that are open for key workers might be happy with an extra for a while.

Pp said this but I would definitely ask cm if she knows an another cm who would be able to take your child. Although you wouldn’t know them, the recommendation from someone you know and trust would make you feel much safer and no doubt your cm could offer the new one some advice re. your child’s needs. As cms are only taking key worker children at the moment there will be some with space who will be very happy to get the extra money. A friend of mine is a cm and would definitely jump at the chance to fill some of her empty spots.

My childminder would have to isolate herself from her family due to husband and son having health conditions.

My husband does nights so he needs to sleep especially if he's doing two on the trot

I wish I could afford to not work, we do have a mortgage but we have other bills to pay and the numbers don't add up

Such a mess

I wonder if the bloke who won 58 mil on the euros will lend me a bob or two lol

You say your actual work is limited. If you were to be based at home, how often do you think you would be called out or asked to work elsewhere? And for how long? If infrequently and for short periods could you keep her at home with you and then if you are called our firstly see if you can leave her with your husband (trying to make him as available as possible by going straight to bed when he gets in and having TV options - perhaps even travel cot and TV in your bedroom so he can carry on sleeping?) and if really not an option at that time, take her to emergency childcare. Not ideal if you’re in a rush but if you have everything ready it may be possible.

Yes and no... I wouldn’t put your childminder in the position where she has to self isolate. Also, if you’re doing community visits will you get PPE?

I’d be wary of the new nursery, as she’ll be exposed to a lot of bugs (not necessarily corona but sick bugs, colds etc) so you’d have to take time off anyway.

Can you use up some annual leave? Or take it higher than your line manager, say you’ll wfh but not go on home visits? Most of our community teams are working remotely (assessing patients on phone etc).

Or if husband is on nights can you have her watch TV when you’re called out? I used to work nights but only slept from 7am-1pm (7 hours) so he won’t be asleep all day!

Would it make a difference if you asked your cm to work from your home? So that her own family can at least use their home. If she only has your child atm she may be willing to do this

In all fairness, I don't think you can reasonably expect your childminder to isolate from her husband and son to look after your child.

Have your employers responded to your request for furloughing yet?

How often are you called out? If your dh is home and in bed, can you drop dd into him in the bedroom with a screen and a snack while you go out?

Alternatively, if your dh is always awake from say 2pm, can you share with another worker and say you will take all visits after 2pm and all day on the days your dh is awake during the day but then on his sleeps they tale the visits up to 2pm?

I will have PPE

Husband sleeps from 8am-3pm if he's not working the next night, sleeps from 11am -5pm if he is working the next night

Sticking her in front of the TV won't work

I only have 20 days annual leave for the year

CM won't come here to look after daughter as she would still have to isolate

Looks like my only option is to stick her in random childcare :(

I'm sorry that your employer is being unreasonable about this. It's not ok to just say, 'use emergency childcare' like that. Children are more complicated than that. It might be worth trying though- try to visualise how good it would be if you came to collect her and she'd had a great day, played with other kids and eaten really well. It won't be for long hopefully. If you try it and it's not suitable, at least you can say that you've tried that option. I get that it makes you feel physical anxiety symptoms as I've had that about childcare, even pre- covid. It's normal to feel like this. If you have no other choice, give it a try. Good luck.

Visits are last min drop of a hat, nothing all day then get a call to go out in ten mins kind of thing nothing planned in advance mire on the day

@Pippinsqueak he will simply have to get up. That’s the far better option, the only option, you can’t see the wood for the trees

@ChrissieKeller61

I can't expect him to work a 12.5 hrs night shift on an acute ward and stay up afterwards until I finish at 4pm and him go to work again the same night.

Pippin if you often don't work much can't you manage with your husband as emergency back up? He can be asleep, then if you get a call, you wake him, put child with him in front of tv, you take over when you get back?

But that’s not what your asking is it ? You’re asking him to go to sleep as normal and get up if you need to pop out then go back to bed ... he doesn’t need to sit up on the off chance you might go out. Unless I’ve completely misunderstood that doesn’t seem out of the question.

The emergency childcare isn't going to be that shit. Around here, it's the usual day nurseries who've remained open for key worker kids. They are experienced and will know how to settle in a new child.its not ideal, the first week may not be fun, but your child may enjoy it. Could you even ask to be part time or something to limit it?

If you don’t really get called out much or for very long, can’t you just wake your DH up for the time you go out. Then when you get back he can go back to sleep

Not ideal for him but surely he’d rather be tired than his child go into emergency childcare

OP, I was facing your position and thankfully my employer have now allowed me to work from home. My childminder was willing to take my DC. It was only for two days a week thankfully so they were going to go there.

I know what the rules are, but do you have no family nearby who could assist you in these circumstances? Surely this would be preferable to the fiasco with your CM self isolating.

It is shit, but the reality is there IS child care available for your DC and you are choosing not to use it. As a parent, I understand why you don't want to, but I can also understand why your employer won't be happy with that response.

@Fatted I also understand their position completely and I would be thinking I'm an awkward shit too in their position

But....... it's not like I'm mega busy or in a front line medical role, some compassion and compromise on their part would be appreciate