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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Can family members drop off presents if you they don’t close by?

107 replies

CD41 · 22/04/2020 16:10

By close by I mean my family live about 10 miles away.

It’s DS’s birthday soon. A couple friends and mil have sent gifts directly to our house from where they ordered from.

My family want to drop things over because they’d already bought things before lockdown. By this I mean just drop it over and leave outside the door, not socialising with them and obviously I’ll wipe things over once it’s unwrapped - I’m not sure how I can sanitise wrapping paper 🤣

Is this okay? Is making a 10 mile journey just for children’s birthday presents okay? It’s not me making the journey but my family. I don’t want them to get in trouble. I don’t expect gifts for dc but they like to do It.

Would aibu to ask if they dropped it all off a few days before his birthday? So I can leave in my car or the garage and if any virus is on them it will hopefully die in the few days before he opens 😭🙈

OP posts:
GlummyMcGlummerson · 23/04/2020 00:24

@bobbiester no she wouldn't, how ludicrous. It's not illegal to get in your car and drive somewhere.

melj1213 · 23/04/2020 06:00

But quite simply it's illegal. You would be committing a crime.

No it is not.

What law exactly do you think is being broken?

wonkytonkwoman · 23/04/2020 07:28

I think it's ok, as the sensisble posters here have said weigh up the risks and act responsibly.

eurochick · 23/04/2020 07:29

The Coronavirus Regulations state the following with regards to movement:

Restrictions on movement*
6.—(1) During the emergency period, no person may leave the place where they are living without reasonable excuse.
(2) For the purposes of paragraph (1), a reasonable excuse includes the need—
(a)
to obtain basic necessities, including food and medical supplies for those in the same household (including any pets or animals in the household) or for vulnerable persons and supplies for the essential upkeep, maintenance and functioning of the household, or the household of a vulnerable person, or to obtain money, including from any business listed in Part 3 of Schedule 2;
(b)
to take exercise either alone or with other members of their household;
(c)
to seek medical assistance, including to access any of the services referred to in paragraph 37 or 38 of Schedule 2;
(d)
to provide care or assistance, including relevant personal care within the meaning of paragraph 7(3B) of Schedule 4 to the Safeguarding of Vulnerable Groups Act 2006(3), to a vulnerable person, or to provide emergency assistance;
(e)
to donate blood;
(f)
to travel for the purposes of work or to provide voluntary or charitable services, where it is not reasonably possible for that person to work, or to provide those services, from the place where they are living;
(g)
to attend a funeral of—
(i)
a member of the person’s household,
(ii)
a close family member, or
(iii)
if no-one within sub-paragraphs (i) or (ii) are attending, a friend;
(h)
to fulfil a legal obligation, including attending court or satisfying bail conditions, or to participate in legal proceedings;
(i)
to access critical public services, including—
(i)
childcare or educational facilities (where these are still available to a child in relation to whom that person is the parent, or has parental responsibility for, or care of the child);
(ii)
social services;
(iii)
services provided by the Department of Work and Pensions;
(iv)
services provided to victims (such as victims of crime);
(j)
in relation to children who do not live in the same household as their parents, or one of their parents, to continue existing arrangements for access to, and contact between, parents and children, and for the purposes of this paragraph, “parent” includes a person who is not a parent of the child, but who has parental responsibility for, or who has care of, the child;
(k)
in the case of a minister of religion or worship leader, to go to their place of worship;
(l)
to move house where reasonably necessary;
(m)
to avoid injury or illness or to escape a risk of harm.
(3) For the purposes of paragraph (1), the place where a person is living includes the premises where they live together with any garden, yard, passage, stair, garage, outhouse or other appurtenance of such premises.
(4) Paragraph (1) does not apply to any person who is homeless.

saraclara · 23/04/2020 07:45

@bobbiester don't be ridiculous. It's not a crime. And if combined with an activity that is within the guidelines (like taking exercise or shopping in the same area) there's even less to be concerned about.

redwoodmazza · 23/04/2020 08:24

Surely if you have to ask if it can be done, the answer is 'No'?

If the figures for traffic on our roads keep increasing, our restrictions will become more rigid.

We all need to be socially responsible - only ESSENTIAL travel.

Aragog · 23/04/2020 08:29

EmmaGrundy - not had any post office ask me what's in the parcel at any time. And we've had to post a fair bit recently for some 'essential' reasons but to look at the parcels from the outside you'd not know what they were. We've also posted birthday cards. We've used 3 or 4 different post offices.

I'm not sure what your post office is doing is right tbh. I'm not sure they have the right to refuse mail. I'd just go to a different one! No one, including the Government, have said that only essential items can be posted.

rainbow1982 · 23/04/2020 08:30

Omg it's fine op, mumsnet is the wrong place to ask, there's a lot of cranks

milkysmum · 23/04/2020 08:38

EmmaGrundy I don't think your post office is allowed to ask what people have in their parcels- to be honest that is ridiculous, if you want it posting you would just it is essential anyway, who are they to judge!?

I'm a nurse/ key worker- I'm mixing with people all day every day, I travel from house to house.
If I wanted to drop a present off at a family members door step in my free time I will do.
Only on Mumsnet are people so judgmental and quite frankly neurotic about activities with negligible risk factors.

tigger1001 · 23/04/2020 09:05

It's not the post offices business what's in the parcel. It's ludicrous to police what is being sent in that way - that's just a busybody throwing power around, and when this is over people won't forget and will chose to use another business to post parcels.

Who is to say what is important to send? That eBay parcel could be the thing that helps the buyer to keep their mental health good and and suggested upthread it could mean the seller has money for food. That present could be the only contact the receiver has had in weeks, again helping ease depression etc.

The post office is either open or closed. They have no business policing what people are sending and thankfully the majority don't do this. If they wish to protect staff, then close. It's not protecting staff by opening, allowing people to queue then refuse the parcel.

Nanny0gg · 23/04/2020 09:07

EmmaGrundyForPM

As long as you are following PO guidelines and not trying to post anything illegal I don't think your PO can do what they're doing.

EvilPea · 23/04/2020 09:14

I have done this, on the basis that I decided it probably would be safer then going to the post office, it passing through quite a few hands.
Our post office is short staffed at the moment and are on their knees. It’s taking 2 weeks to get a locally sent 1st class letter.
It seems ludicrous to add to that, for something I can safely resolve myself.
It’s not a habit, a complete one off.

nicky7654 · 23/04/2020 09:23

I wouldn't ask the question on MN your get conflicting ànswers. Just do what you want you don't need permission from this group !

PinkSparklyPussyCat · 23/04/2020 09:49

Just do it. It's my Uncle's birthday next month and I plan to drop a present off to him. As he's elderly I'll combine it with some tinned food so I can honestly say I was dropping food off.

bobbiester · 23/04/2020 10:44

@bobbiester don't be ridiculous. It's not a crime.

I'm sorry but I'm not being ridiculous. The law has now been amended so it's not just an offence to "leave" your place of residence without a "reasonable excuse" it is now an offence to merely be "outside of" your place of residence with a "reasonable excuse". Delivering gifts is not on the list of reasonable excuses.

They specifically fixed the loophole where you could "leave" your residence for a lawful reason (e.g. getting food) and then while out decide to do something else.

We can discuss the risks and benefits all day - and whether we think this particular law is right or wrong. And whether the Police would bother to enforce it.

But the fact is the law is there. Most people haven't read it - and don't want to believe it - but it is.

The new amendments are here....

www.legislation.gov.uk/uksi/2020/447/made

Which amend these regulations...

www.legislation.gov.uk/uksi/2020/350/regulation/6/made

bobbiester · 23/04/2020 10:48

If you don't want to believe me or read the legislation itself. Read this thread from a Barrister and Law Professor...

twitter.com/AdamWagner1/status/1252933793188581377

bobbiester · 23/04/2020 10:52

And for people who don't want to even read the Twitter thread from the Barrister - here's the key quote...

"I think the key change which is going to affect everybody is it is no longer just unlawful to leave the place you’re living without a reasonable excuse, you now cannot be outside of the place you’re living at all without a reasonable excuse"

1forsorrow · 23/04/2020 10:52

If Robert Jenrick can do a 40 mile drive to drop stuff off for his parents I can't see the issue. Why was his journey essential? You can get shopping and med delivered, if they are vulnerable there is help available. If it is good enough for government ministers it is good enough for the rest of us.

If not Hermes will collect from them and deliver to you.

Saucery · 23/04/2020 10:54

Aren’t PO staff asking what’s in the parcels because that’s what they are supposed to do anyway? Mine always ask in case there are prohibited items. The list of prohibited items hasn’t grown to include anything ‘non essential’ but it’s still there (things containing a battery need a sticker etc iirc).

Figgygal · 23/04/2020 10:57

Why can’t it just wait it’s completely non essential

Alsohuman · 23/04/2020 11:04

No, it isn’t. People’s mental health is taking a battering, we need these little things to stay sane. We can’t just cancel anything that creates joy and write it off as non essential.

TattiePants · 23/04/2020 11:09

I drove 10 minutes to my DM's earlier this week with DH, DS and DD in the car to surprise her for her birthday. She's really struggling with the isolation and boredom at the minute and I'm worried about her mental health. The 4 of us singing happy birthday to her (from the garden) and dropping a few presents off (and some food supplies) really cheered her up and was absolutely worth it. It was the first time DH, DD and DS have been in the car in 4.5 weeks and the longest drive I've done in that time. The risk was negligible, much lower than my trip to Sainsburys.

nettie434 · 23/04/2020 12:00

When Ireland went on lockdown before us I saw a tweet about family members and friends who drove in their cars to do a ‘drive past’ for a girl to wish her a happy birthday. The tweet had lots of likes and retweets and the story even made the national news.

www.irishpost.com/news/watch-irish-girl-surprised-drive-celebrations-friends-12th-birthday-182287

It’s a lot more than you are suggesting CD41!

What is striking is that Ireland has similar lock down arrangements to us but hardly any deaths, even allowing for the much smaller population and the fact that we have many more urban areas.

In your position CD41, I’d be thinking about the age of your son - it’s much harder for an 8 year old than a 15 year old to wait for presents and the fact that some of the presents might be really nice for him to have during lockdown.

Fluffy40 · 23/04/2020 12:19

Go for it !

TimeForChange123 · 23/04/2020 12:31

I'd say do it.