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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think that it's rude to assume people's shortened name?

109 replies

Herts6789 · 22/04/2020 13:51

Semi lighthearted - i know there are bigger issues at the moment but being relatively new in my job and working from home seem to have exaggerated this!

At work my email address is my long name (that no one calls me except my mum)

My short name is not the default short name for this long name. I call myself my short name when I introduce myself and sign off every email with it. Its three letters its not hard and it's not an unusual name.

It annoys me when people who haven't met me email me with the wrong first name (they've just assumed it from my full name in the email address)
It annoys me even more when people who I have had several email exchanges with and introduced myself in person, still call me the wrong name!

I wouldn't dream of emailing someone called Susan 'Hi Sue' for example, unless they had called themselves Sue first.

I find it awkward to call out (but have done twice now in one week) and I also have asked work to change my email address to my short name but apparently they cant.

YANBU - it's rude to assume peoples names, or not take the care to address them the way they address themselves

YABU - I am being oversensitive

OP posts:
SandyY2K · 23/04/2020 02:33

@Herts6789

I could have written your post myself.

I have a longer name on email...have a signature with my preferred shortened version and a few people choose to call me the shortened version I don't like.

I always look at the name people sign off with, before I I address them.

I'm seriously thinking of asking IT to change it to my preferred name.

I wouldn't necessarily say it's rude...just presumptuous and annoying.

I just correct them.

managedmis · 23/04/2020 02:38

I have the same but opposite Grin

Long name that I prefer shortened : but people don't /won't

Justgivemewine · 23/04/2020 02:41

Yanbu, my name is a classic for being shortened but I happen to like my full length name.

I spent years correcting people when I was younger who assumed it was ok to call me (short name) rather than (full name) and then they did the old cats bum face when I corrected them as if I was the one at fault.!.

Fortunately as I got older this happened less and less and I only have one friend who calls me (shortened name) which I don’t mind as coming from her (and only her) for some weird reason i haven’t worked out yet it sounds right 🤷‍♀️

MyBlueMoonbeam · 23/04/2020 04:27

I hate it too - only people who are very close to me get to shorten it 😏

Also get annoyed when my name is spelt the male way with an i instead of the female e

nevergoingoutagain · 23/04/2020 04:48

@lockhart

One of my exes did this. His name was Paul. He sent me his cv to look over about 8 months in and I emailed back...."who the fuck is Jon Paul???"

I get why he was called Paul as his dad was John but was a bit weird finding out I didn't know his actual name lol

nevergoingoutagain · 23/04/2020 04:54

@mybluemoonbeam

My daughter gets the spelling thing alllll the time. I wonder if you have the same name? Hers is unusual in her age group and a few people her age didn't even realise it was a girls name too! When you say it it sounds like the male version with an i so I can see why people might get it wrong if they don't know!

One of my other daughters has a name with an s in it which could be a z in alternative spelling. Loads of people say the z sound and I really hate it (looking at you fil!!) its a French name and is even pronounced in French with an s sound not a stupid Z!!

nevergoingoutagain · 23/04/2020 05:01

I used to hate my name being shortened when I was younger. A bit like the pp who hates being called Lou, I felt like it was a bit of a negative sounding word. I literally don't even notice now!! However my name is short anyway and doesn't have an official shortening it's just something people do like the first syllable of the name, to lazy to put the y (ee) sound on the end!! So in emails etc it's always correct.

Don't start me on the stupid surname I inherited from my husband which I took because I thought it'd be easier than my maiden name lol.

Incidentally my email is still my maiden name (married 15 years lol) this annoys other people a lot for some reason but I don't mind being called my maiden name by accident!

choppolata · 23/04/2020 06:11

I have a name which has quite a few common short versions, none of which I use. I also have a common (for my background) surname with an unusual spelling. At work, despite my huge corporate email signature featuring my name I find it tends to be men who try to call me the wrong name and women who spell my surname incorrectly.

KatherineJaneway · 23/04/2020 06:17

I usually use someone's full name unless they introduce themselves with the shorter version or they sign off their email with the shorter version for example.

Rosebel · 23/04/2020 06:24

Considering I have a neighbour and a boss who both call me totally the wrong name I couldn't get worked up. I'd be quite pleased to be called even vaguely the right name.

NothingIsWrong · 23/04/2020 06:25

I have the opposite - my full legal name is one that is a common short name for something else. I get people going "oooh what's it short for?" and when I say nothing, it's just "Liz", on my birth certificate, people go "ooh it can't be, it must be short for something, why don't you want to tell me?" I'm trying to explain that my Mum liked "Liz" but hated "Elizabeth" so just put the short form down. "But no one does that!" come back. At that point I get annoyed. Especially when people then call me "Elizabeth"

SimonJT · 23/04/2020 07:34

@SharonasCorona I used to be called Muhammad, literally the most common name in the world. Yet teachers would call me all sorts, how, it’s spelt phonetically, if you can read you can say my horrible name. A classmate was called Sheetal, ah, there were some funny pronunciations, luckily she had a very thick skin.

As soon as I left school I changed my name to what I was going to legally change it to once I got citizenship, English, three letter phonetically spelt name. People still get it wrong, or insist on calling me a longer name which isn’t my actual name. For example if I was called Chris they would insist on calling me Christopher. This person would regularly call me at work and say “Am I speaking to Christopher” I just used to say No, it took about four months for them to finally get the message.

My son has a name that’s really difficult to shorten, sometimes people try to and he corrects them, he’s only four, good lad.

Chameleon72 · 23/04/2020 07:40

Agree. And it is also extremely awkward to correct people and tell them to stop using the shortened version once they've started, without me appearing like a complete idiot myself. So I just don't say anything, but it annoys the hell out of me!

BlueBell50 · 23/04/2020 07:42

I am with you all on this. I hate the shortening of my name but as others as said I come over all mardy if I point it out. Last week I had another variation when a new team member called me a different name altogether think Susan/Suzanne. After a couple of days I thought I’d better tell her, I said I’d answer to anything (I won’t.) but the others might not know who she meant.

My parents met at work where he was known as Ted. My mum introduced him to her family as Ted so they always called him that. When it got serious he told her that he didn’t really like Ted and preferred Edward. So we had the bizarre situation where I grew up with my mum and his side of the family calling him one name and her side calling him another .

lyralalala · 23/04/2020 07:48

It really bugs me when people shorten names off their own back. My 16yos have long names. One chooses to shorten hers whereas her sister doesn't. People seem incapable of accepting that Elizabeth and Alexandra (for example) can be Elizabeth and Alix and don't have to be Liz/Beth and Alix.

That said people also insist on telling Alix* her spelling is wrong even after she explains that she was named after her Granny and where Granny comes from that is the spelling so she's gone with it.

NoWordForFluffy · 23/04/2020 07:54

I can't bring myself to be bothered about this. I find it amusing when my clients use my shortened name; it means they're comfortable with me, which is great.

I do get annoyed if they spell my name wrong, particularly when they're replying to an email.

justanotherneighinparadise · 23/04/2020 07:56

Totally agree OP. There is only one way to shorten my name and it’s ugly as hell, so I don’t do it. 98% of the people who know me and like me also don’t shorten my name. But there is that 2% who will shorten it and they are always a certain type of personality. Often men, but the women who do it have the Queen Bee personality we’ve talked about in here, I just reply but seethe underneath.

FairfaxAikman · 23/04/2020 08:01

My name starts with a K and is several syllables long. My work email is my first initial and surname.

I can talk to people in the phone or in person, introducing myself by name, and then give them my email address if necessary. The number of times I then get an email beginning "Hi Kay..." is unreal.

poshme · 23/04/2020 08:04

DH has a name that is often shortened. He never shortens his and is always called by the full name.

Someone emailed him once (who had the same name) in a professional capacity- DH being the senior person- telling him he was 'wrong' to use his full name. That he should use the shortening as it was 'better'.

DH tactfully ignored. I would've sent back a v cross email.

2Rebecca · 23/04/2020 08:13

If you don't know the person and the email is in a professional work capacity I'm surprised so many people use first names with or without nick names rather than Mr or Ms x

x2boys · 23/04/2020 08:26

It's very rude when people think they can just shorten your name ,I have a 70,s style hyphenated name"Sarah- Jane " have always been know has "Sarah-Jane but the amount of people who have asked f I would prefer " Sarah " or "Jane" is unreal just please call me my name Hmm,Even worse my now sadly deceased sil had a less common derivative of a more common name ,so.say she was "Julia" everybody but everybody called her "Julie" people just couldn't be arsed getting it right.

Umnoway · 23/04/2020 08:29

I work with a Deborah and she absolutely hates being called Debbie so I cringe for her every time someone does it. I think it’s very rude too, you should refer to someone as the name they introduce themselves as. I have a longer name and I don’t like it being shortened, only my parents do it and I’m not even keen on that.

PositiveVibez · 23/04/2020 08:32

I have to agree OP. Only my immediate family call me the short version of my name. If someone else calls me it, it really annoys me. My husband doesn't even call me my short version.

It gets my back up for some reason.

Alyic · 23/04/2020 08:35

@Beckyboom I have exactly the same problem

MissB83 · 23/04/2020 08:39

I have the same unusual name as my boss but we have two different spellings. I think because she was there before me, I get her spelling all the time in emails, even when I have (obviously) signed off in an email just underneath. It drives me nuts and I'm afraid (rightly or wrongly) makes me assume I'm dealing with someone who doesn't pay much attention to things!