I think she’s lied about terminal cancer

[LockedInTheHouse247]

we were told a family member had terminal bowel cancer 6 years ago. We do not keep in contact as they are not nice people. I can’t go into detail as it may be outing!

So fast forward 6 years, family member is still alive, looks great. Last time we spoke 6 years ago doctors had told her it was her last Christmas

Without giving away too much a family home was being sold & this couple wanted 75% of the sale despite it being 50% in the will.

I can’t even believe I’m asking this, what are the chances of her lying to get us to give her 75% because we felt sorry for her?

Prepared for a grilling as it’s not a nice post but I can’t get my head around doctors telling her she has 6 months to live to being here 6 years later, living a normal life looking great!

Have any of you come across similar?

My 80yr old mum is on her third primary cancer in 10 years, this one was diagnosed as terminal in January last year due to the size and spread of the tumour. Fast forward after a year of Immunotherapy and the tumour has shrunk so much it's almost disappeared. It's looking like a potential cure.
The financial dealings of your family member sounds like they have played on everyone's sympathies and may have embellished the diagnosis/prognosis but you will probably never know for sure x

Stalk their social media accounts? Its surprising how many people have public settings so everyone can see what they post up.

Failing that, you can see publicly who is ''liking'' their profile and title page pics on FB. There is usually someone from that who still has their settings on public, so scrawl away through their photos. If they are close enough to comment on a profile pic, chances are they go out all together and would post up snaps being out.

If she has been unhealthy, there will be comments of get well and the like.

That's how I found our ''worker'' after he blocked me on FB. Not that I had friended him either, but obviously he knew he would be appearing in other people's pictures (when he was supposed to be working etc).

I remembered his girlfriend's name and went from there. :)

I hope it gives you some answers. Not sure how you will go getting the additional funds back if she lied though. My SIL took money out of MIL's account for a month after she died, the solicitor's advice was the legal cost would outweigh the amount taken.

I have a family member who had inoperable stage 4 cancer. He had treatment and it worked. The treatment was horrific but he survived and is cancer free. It has taken a big toll and him and his appearance he doesn't look well at all. Could it be something like this?

My uncle just passed away 5 years after cancer diagnosis. It was obvious he was ill though. My aunt had cancer too and passed I think 5 years after being told it had spread to her brain. She was in pretty good spirits until the end.

*@LockedInTheHouse247 - I am starting to really think they’ve lied. She was given 6 months to live. From what I remember it was either ovarian spread to bowel or bowel spread to ovaries. If I see her again I will ask her how her treatment is going

Diagnosed 8 years ago with cancer ovarian or bowel
Operation performed 1 year later, and diagnosed with bowel or ovarian cancer
Then 1 year later it was terminal & she has 6 months to live & it would be her last Xmas as treatment had stopped*

People don’t always have text book disease patterns but this history doesn’t fit with “6 months to live” ( which oncologists never say in my experience - they are more likely to say something like “ we are talking months rather than years”) .

The picture of disease you describe sounds like local spread not distant spread / metastases/ secondaries. Local spread in itself is not “terminal” unless a major organ blocks / ruptures and these events again don’t fit the “6 months to live” picture. Also - it is unlikely they would delay surgery for a year unless giving chemo or radiation first to shrink tumour prior to surgery.

When you say her treatment was stopped - do you mean chemo? If she was relatively young ( under 60 - 70 with no other major health issues) it is very unlikely they would stop treatment without offering a clinical trial/ new drug etc unless she had something like liver secondaries and signs of organ failure - 5 year survival from something like that from a bowel or ovarian primary which had already spread locally would be quoted as 0% ( although “miracles” do happen).

I think she’s at it.

My relative was given months to live over 4 years ago. He had was told to stop drinking and smoking. Didn't. He's still here. It does happen.

I wouldn’t like to call it re the cancer. My uncle was diagnosed with terminal cancer and given six months to live, and that was 15 years ago. He’s very sadly finally losing that battle now, but my god, he showed them! My point is, these things can happen.
The fact you’re asking the question seems very telling tho. That would be a horrific thing to lie about, and the fact you think it’s a possibility... are they really people you need in your life?
It’s no good thinking about the money now, it’s spent and gone, but you can change how you move forward from this.

Oh and to clarify, he was definitely, absolutely not lying. They are very rich so could afford some fancy treatments, but he’s now completely peppered with it, it’s everywhere

Regardless of whether it was a diagnosis or lie, you were played unfortunately.

My best friend had terminal cancer, ran the London marathon
5 yrs after she was diagnosed, died 8 months later. Cancer is in no way predictable, the drugs control symptoms very well, until they stop working.

My ex sil lied about having terminal bladder cancer, it was after my db left...he did go back for a while. She went the whole hog inventing treatments and getting people to take her to hospital for said treatments and pick her up again after. We all believed it for a long time. It does happen unfortunately...

MY DF has had terminal cancer for 6 years- he is an anomaly apparently
My DGM had terminal bowel cancer for at least 6 years- actually died of a heart attack.

MY DGM didnt have any further treatment after they said terminal- but still lived for year

My DH ran a marathon 3 weeks before being diagnosed with multiple cancers- he looked amazingly well.

My dad had bowel cancer and survived 3 years till a infection killed him. She must me lying big time

Trying to be kind here - lots of people believe that a cancer diagnosis is always a death sentence, not understanding, no matter what they're told by their doctors, that many cancers are treatable and survivable. They just believe that cancer means terminal, that they are terminally ill. They don't understand what terminal means, and they don't understand that people with a terminal diagnosis can live a long time. Perhaps your relative is one of these?

Look at bowel babe on Instagram - she has stage 4 cancer but is currently cancer free.

A family member was stage 4 and told they wouldn’t be treated any further, the surgeon then reassessed and they had massive, brutal surgery a week later. They said surviving the operation was only 30% likely. They are now cancer free (though still very ill and unfortunately this isn’t likely to last)

So, I think it’s possible about them having cancer. However, I think using it to guilt trip you into giving over more money may still of happened. The 2 are separate things really.

If you can’t change the action and recoup the money then you have to find a way to let it go. I’m sorry it happened to you though, it’s shit!

I know someone who lied about having terminal cancer for ages, had to come clean eventually as ..well, he didn't die. Cunt.

So it does happen.

When two sides do not speak often and don't trust each other, you will not know the whole story.
Cancer treatments and prognoses can be complicated.
Many things could have changed, or got lost in miscommunication.
Maybe it wasn't terminal. Maybe they were told she could have months to live if something didn't work. Maybe they were scared. If you have a poor relationship you are not going to know.
It is done. I would try to accept it. You both profited from the situation. You feel she has deceived you. But ultimately, she has not died, which is a good thing.

Is it possible to go into remission after receiving a terminal diagnosis?

Wouldn't surprise me.

My aunt didn't lie about terminal cancer, but she did take as much money as she could from my gran before she died. Then as soon as she died, the aunt was round at the house 'sorting things out', ie look for things to sell. Along with her disgusting husband. None of us speak to her anymore, we spoke to her while my gran was alive for her sake, but once she died we cut contact. She is a vile woman in many aspects of her life and I don't care about her at all.

There are disgusting people out there. If 20k meant more to them than having morals, then that's their outlook. They will get their comeuppance, they aren't the type to know how to manage their finances so sod them. It will come back to haunt them. Bet they will be round begging to you then.
Slam the door in their face.

My grandmother was giving 6 months maximum to live after a lung cancer diagnosis. She lived for 7 years and had a pretty good quality of live for most of them.

My Mum was given 3 months to live and lasted a week.

Cancer is very unpredictable.

This is why the word "terminal" is not really used by health care professionals anymore. It is replaced with "palliative care" or "palliative treatment" or "advanced disease". Nobody can call how long a cancer will take to kill someone but you can estimate how long someone will live with organ failure due to invasion by cancer.

Oncologists also do not like the word "cure" - they use "disease free" and "5 year survival". The majority of solid tumours relapse within 2 - 3 years although advancements in immunotherapy/biological agents (cytotoxic chemotherapy has came as far as it will by all accounts) mean patients can live with the disease for several years. If they get to 5 years, they are more likely to get to 10 years etc. They may even appear "disease free" which just means nothing can be seen on a scan or their tumour markers (measured in the blood usually) are within normal limits. The biggest majority of these patients will be receving weekly/monthly infusions in a specialist clinic, at least periodically, and will be closely monitored/scanned and many will be on clinical trials (some of these are very new treatments therefore they are closely monitored to see if they are actually working) - they will not be living "normal" lives.

Despite the examples of people being given weeks to live and still being around 5, 10 years later etc., it is a biological fact that once a solid tumour spreads to distant organs, it is incurable. There are a few exceptions - teratomas, chorionic carcinoma (which are rare) which are still curable even after they have spread if the secondary deposit is surgically removed or responds to chemotherapy - these account for less than 1% of all solid tumours. Those still around and living good quality lives years after a diagnosis of "terminal cancer" are extreme exceptions and have probably been misdiagnosed in the first place.

Being charitable, is there any chance that, in a panic, they misheard/misunderstood something a doctor said, spread that around the family and were then corrected by their doctor but it had gone too far in the family to 'take it back'?

Sometimes when people are shocked and scared they don't listen properly. They hear the worst case scenario, and later a doctor has to say 'no, that's not what we said...'

I worked with a woman who pretended to have terminal cancer. We did fundraisers for cancer research and Macmillan in her honour and everyone was very sad about it as she was only in her 20s. Then she was sacked for submitting fake sick notes and it turned out she'd invented the whole thing.