To think DD would be safer with family than at school?

[cg88]

Both myself and DH are classed as key workers and so are both working at the moment. DH is in daily whereas I work in a school and am on a rota which is currently once a week. Up until now dd (age 5) has been coming into work with me on the days I'm in, I'm in a small school and we only have up to 5 kids in at a time compared to her school which is bigger and has 12-20 in at a time. This has been fine over the Easter holidays because not much has been expected from us work wise but now we're back into term time we have much more involvement with home learning and it's just not feasible (or professional) to be contacting parents whilst DD needs attention, which she does....all the time!
Her school will allow her to attend the days I'm working but AIBU to think actually it would be less risk to take her to my Mum's? Less people, my Mum isn't in the high risk category and would be more than happy to have her, what are people's thoughts?

I have literally just had this conversation with my eldest's secondary school deputy head.

DH is FT key worker, doing his normal shifts plus some. I have been put on a rota and only needed once every 3 weeks. The younger children's primary school will take them without question. They have had various children in over the 6 week block with daily use by a smaller cohort so are on top of hygiene etc.

I have spent 6 weeks trying to get care sorted for the eldest - not quite old enough to be happy left home all day but sensible enough that we could. The secondary school has said they have had the same pupils in every day for 6 weeks and to introduce another child to the group on random sessions would raise both the risk factors to DD1 and the pupils and staff already in school (DH is sometimes off on my working days so none of the children attend their school).

In your example, our secondary school would say without question, if you can send her to your mum's, you are only raising the risk to 2 people as opposed to potentially 20.

It might be against the rules but it does make sense.

I don't think your secondary school would say to do that actually. They have just advised they don't think it's good to go to their school, they have no place to give advice on what else you do. A secondary school child at home once a fortnight does not seem a problem to me at all (in the absence of some info about them you haven't mentioned) mine would and has done this.

You would be risking your Mums health though. Who must be older - I mean obviously older than you or dd, potentially in the older categories- and more vulnerable than your dd.

You are adding your dm into the dynamics when she doesn't need to be there.
There's one extra person who you are putting at risk.
Think about what if we all did this.

Or there are 20+ extra if she sends her daughter to school... some of whom could be older than her mum

No she's taking her daughter to her own school, so her daughter will not be exposed to anything extra. It's the grandmother who is being put at risk. Why did you post this OP, when you're obviously special & you've already decided what you're doing?

I’d just carry on taking her tbh. Most of us aren’t working to full capacity as we’re having to look after our kids and work ft, I’m sure everybody understands. If she goes to a separate school she is exposed to more people’s germs, if she goes to your mum’s then she is exposing your mum to the germs of all the people you see in school each day and their families. Don’t risk your mum if you don’t need to.

"Allow" she's your child not theirs.
Make an informed decision about where you feel is safest for your child to be educated and inform the authorities.

@luckylavender. No she isn't. She was doing that but can't anymore so she'll be sending her daughter to her school (the daughters)

I think a lot of people haven't read the OP. It's clear that going to your mum's is less of a risk to your household than going into school with 12-20 other children which is a different school to yours.

Is there no way to make it viable for her to come to school with you and be looked after with the other children? Can you explain to her that you can't look after her all the time as you have to work at times as well- so sometimes she will have to join in with the other children?

Ultimately it is less exposure if she goes to your mum's and I don't think that is unreasonable. If your mum is happy with it I think it is inkeeping with guidelines, you are not trying to twist them to your own gain - you are geuinely trying to help.
I am currently on maternity leave so don't have issue WFH but and i know I wouldn't be able to concentrate even if my DD (4) was playing on her own sometimes her games get very loud lol! She is very good at independent play aswell. Nothing like being able to give something it's full focus.
My husband is currently trying to work from home in our family room and is finding it so hard, he's got noise cancelling headphones on but the few conference calls he been on have been so difficult just from general noise without DD even interrupting him.
Good luck xx

“ going to your mum's is less of a risk to your household”

Yes, but significantly more risk to OP’s mum.

OP is prioritising her DC (and herself) over her mum, when her mum’s risk of the virus affecting her badly is much, much higher.

I don’t think that’s OK.

Her Mum is more than happy to do it, is under 60 and not in any vulnerable groups, aware of the risks so maybe, as a grown adult can make that decision. Rather than people acting like shes an elderly fragile person who also cant make her own decisions or risk assessment.

Your household is less at risk

Your mum will now be at risk (I’m not sure if she is self isolating)

Children are by far no more than carriers few children even show symptoms that isn’t the case for older people

It is difficult I am working full time and a risk as we have people at work with covid (mh unit) ds stays at home the days I can work shorter hours and goes in the days I can’t. The risk increases all around and is an added extra stress

My mum (who is 70) was willing to take the risk to look after ds I wasn’t. And now having to care for people with what are considered mild symptoms even less so

OP’s mum’s “agency”/decision making ability isn’t the issue here. Her mum is willing to do this, as many mothers would. OP is still being unreasonable.

The risks for people in their 50s (with no known health condition) isn’t negligible.

I have a friend who has 3 children by two dads, and a new partner with 2 children of his own who lives with her. All three of her children visit their dads weekly. One of whom lives with his parents. Her new partner also has his children come and stay at hers regularly. That’s a huge amount of movement and cross contamination, all allowed by the government.

Not relevant. OP’s situation isn’t about her DC time with the non resident parent.

No I don't personally think it is a good idea. What if your mum gets it? How would you feel then? You are putting her at risk of catching it through any of the contact you and your husband have had, which if you are both working could be many. For this one day a week could your husband do something through his.work, arrange a day at home to care for her? Why is it all.falling on you?

People seem incapable of sensible thought when it comes to THE RULES.

Op it makes much more sense to limit the number of people your daughter comes into contact with by sending her to your mums rather that her school.

It’s not just the OPs household that has increased risk though, it’s everyone at the daughters school. I’m not saying what is the right choice because that is for the OP to make but some people are not thinking about all the risk factors If the OPs mum was elderly I would completely agree the daughter should not go there but staff at school are likely to have the same or more risk factors than her mum and a greater germ mix. I can see exactly what the dilemma the OP is having is, no easy answers. We are all make choices that are less than ideal but have to just risk assess each one.

I think this is fine, and is within the rules. It's up to your mum whether she's happy with the marginally increased risk. To be honest unless your mum is going to remain in solitary confinement for another year, it will no be possible to remain risk free.

@PurpleDaisies completely agree, you have put it much more clearly than me!

I'm still using my MIL as childcare. I'm a 'key worker' (just supermarket worker) DP cannot work from home.

We had the option to send DS to school based on my job but school hours/after school club don't cover evenings and weekends.

I weighed it up myself, MIL is more than happy to look after DS, is under 60, in perfect health and is also still working (teacher on reduced rota) so DS is no more a risk to her as the children she teaches.

🙄 no we are not PurpleDaisies the patronising use common sense

All those the op and her dd are coming into contact with are at risk or higher risk. It’s going round in circles you work your children go to school you pass on the risk they pass it back to you and the same for all the other pupils in the school and the teachers and their families and the pupils parents and they are likely to be at risk because of their work so their children at risk - but it’s contained to some extent that the whole point

At the moment their is no risk to the op’s Mum.

It’s not about common sense it’s about is it worth another person becoming at risk - regardless her dd will be because of op’s work

Now her mums age and keeping her dd a little safer she may feel it’s worth that - but her mum is far more at risk of becoming ill (and mild symptoms are very nasty I’m shocked at what is considered mild) than her dd is

It’s a difficult choice many of us who are working are sick with worry out children are at risk and potentially passing it on but do we add that risk to others that’s a choice and maybe the op will decide it’s the better choice but that isn’t about using her common sense it’s actively putting a person at risk who doesn’t need to be (either way op I can understand if you made that choice not judging you more the stupid use your common sense remarks)

So that’s different tomtomas, because as a teacher MIL is already at risk.