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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To tell them "how to live"

73 replies

Fromthebirdsnest · 21/04/2020 21:28

Wondering whether I'm being unreasonable as I certainly feel as if I'm being made to be , my brother and sister in law and 3 children have to come to stay in our self contained accommodation on our property they have been staying at my MILs since lock down (they were mid renovation and now are stuck 2 hours from home with no where to live!) We offered them to stay for a week or 2 here to give my mil some rest bite , they can stay here and be completely separate from from us , however they have been here since Friday and it 's driving me mad ,our nieces and nephew get up very early (12,10&6) and they keep letting them out in the garden at 6.30\7am, our children don't get up until after 9.30am so every morning they have woke us all up screaming ,we've said we will share the garden but not to let them on the play equipment as our youngest is just turned 4 so wouldn't understand If we told him to stay off it , we have a swing and slide by there accommodation they can use & multiply garden games stored there , I've seen them on it 3 times i text.to say please don't use it every time and I just get an "ok" as if I'm in the wrong ? , also the sharing of garden time our. Children get on really well and would try and play together , so I've said we will split the garden time and they keep letting them out during our children 's time so I keep having to bring our children in, there is a huge.park and field by.our house they could also use , and they let there children use our children's bikes ext while they watched on there patio .. There are other things like leaving in the car early and slamming the doors and waking us up & playing loud music when my 4 year old is asleep (think 9.30pm/10pm) with the sliding doors open, I've texT my sister in law about these things and I just get an "ok" and they carry on doing them ! My husband had to jet wash and disinfect the bikes and climbing frame as I'm in the shielding group so our children couldn't play on them until they were cleaned ... I rang my. Mil and she said they are in an awful position and I shouldn't tell them how to live ??? Aib u to want them to be considerate of us while. They live in our.home.?? X sorry for the long moaning essay but I've been shielding for 6 weeks and this.is making me utterly.misserable! X

OP posts:
Magicbabywaves · 21/04/2020 21:32

Speak to your brother. Or send them back to your MIL

Whynotnowbaby · 21/04/2020 21:34

I think I would have to give them an ultimatum, either they follow the rules that keep you safe or they will have to go back to mil’s. It’s not fair that they treat you like this and I can’t imagine your neighbours appreciate the early morning screaming either.

ladyface69 · 21/04/2020 21:36

That sounds awful OP and really inconsiderate of them. YADNBU. If they can't abide by what appear to be reasonable guidelines I'd be discussing this with them directly and get DH to back you up. It's your children's health they're playing with.

Windyatthebeach · 21/04/2020 21:37

Time for eviction imo.. Stressful enough dealing with your own household at this time...
They are ungrateful cfers...

Burpalot · 21/04/2020 21:41

Why can't they go home? Plenty of people live in their homes 'mid renovation'. Unless their house literally is land and a pile of bricks. Two hours in a car is nothing. Pretty sure going home counts as 'essential travel'. Why aren't they home?! Mad.

RandomMess · 21/04/2020 21:41

You need to speak to your brother and tell him if they can't agree to the "rules" then they need to go back to MIL.

They are being inconsiderate and selfish.

Mustbethewine · 21/04/2020 21:42

YANBU op. You're being very accommodating. You've given then space to live together and also give your MIL a break! They're being very inconsiderate. Firmly lay down the ground rules and if they refuse to attempt to abide then they'll have to move back in with MIL.

DaphneFanshaw · 21/04/2020 21:44
Hmm I think your mil is downplaying their behaviour so she gets more respite. If they weren’t that bad she wouldn’t need any. Yanbu.
1Morewineplease · 21/04/2020 21:44

Tell them to leave. ASAP. They are being inconsiderate and are abusing your hospitality as well as your family rules.

Original poster
Fromthebirdsnest · 21/04/2020 21:45

Its.my husbands brother , so it make me feel uncomfortable to say anything and my husband says it's difficult to speak to them as it's obviously not possible to say it face to face ! I really.wanted to give my mil a break they have more room here too it would be a shame if we had to tell them to go and I obviously.love.my nieces and nephew and want them to be happy and comfortable but it's making life intolerable and it's not.really fair on our children as we have been shielding as a family due to my high risk xxx i feel as if I'm being made to feel uncomfortable in my own home 😢 x

OP posts:
Gamble66 · 21/04/2020 21:46

Don't tell them how to live ! Tell them to fuck off instead. You are vunerable and they are taking the piss and your mother-in-law either does not understand how you could be affected or is a bitch - I'm sure you know already which it is. Tell them to shape up or shop out - end of

Wearywithteens · 21/04/2020 21:47

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn at the poster's request.

Original poster
Fromthebirdsnest · 21/04/2020 21:50

They can't go home because they have no water or electricity or kitchen they had a steel ordered and now it's been completely stopped , it's about 6 weeks from when they restart to completion luckily my bil can work from home x

OP posts:
Nottherealslimshady · 21/04/2020 21:52

Tell them straight. You thought they'd be able to stay there without interfering with you but it turns out they cant so they'll have to leave.

seven201 · 21/04/2020 21:52

Dear SIL. This really isn't working for us. As you know I'm high risk and I've made reasonable requests which your family are ignoring. Either your family starts following the house rules or Im afraid you'll have to go back to MIL. You may well think I'm being ridiculous, but I'm putting the safety of my family first. Why don't we try it for a couple of days and then on Thursday evening have a phonecall to discuss whether this arrangement continues or whether we'll regrettably be asking you to leave our home.

Here's a run down on the rules

  • no children in the garden before 9am
  • families stick to their allotted garden times
-... etc.

Word it better than that, but that's the gist. Firm but offering them a chance to rectify their shiftiness.

RandomMess · 21/04/2020 21:54

Tell your DH to grow up and talk to his brother or you will, you have a DH issue here at the moment...

lunar1 · 21/04/2020 21:55

Your husband is going to have to tell them to leave, they don't care that you are vulnerable, what risks are they taking that you don't see.

Bella2020 · 21/04/2020 21:56

I really think your husband needs to tell them to leave, by text if need be, tomorrow. They are more than abusing your very kind hospitality. I'm not surprised you're finding the situation intolerable. Your husband really needs to step up here, for the sake of your physical and emotional health.

Sexnotgender · 21/04/2020 22:03

It’s not telling them how to live, it’s asking them to be respectful when actually you appear to be doing them a great big bloody favour!!

If they can’t be respectful and follow a few simple rules then they need to leave. Their feelings are not more important than yours.

Original poster
Fromthebirdsnest · 21/04/2020 22:04

My husband is so lovely but is not into confrontation so rubbish in situations such as these , I'm much the same so am finding it very hard , we have our little annex and it's used by multiple freinds and family though out the year& they always come up at Xmas for a week \10days but have never any problems with anyone , they have never been this much of a pain , I think they are just stressed and pissed off so letting the kids do what they want and I get it ! but it's making our lives so difficult ! x the music thing isn't that much of an issue if it wasn't so loud as I'm sure it would have disturbed our neighbours too and we get on so well we everyone around here so don't want to upset them , especially as we get lots of free veg of next door 😂 x

OP posts:
PippaPegg · 21/04/2020 22:04

I don't get it.. they have moved in to your property and haven't been anywhere else except MILS... so you are now a single household together. Families are allowed to move during lockdown, there's been threads about it lately.

You don't mention them doing any unnecessary shopping or even working outside the home. So they are not taking any unnecessary risks.

Keeping the kids separate seems unnecessarily cruel on the kids.

HedgehogHotel · 21/04/2020 22:11

If your DH can't man up and speak up for you and your family, then you're going to have to put up with it or tell them to go back to your MIL's if they won't respect some simple courtesies about not touching your own kids' toys.

Lock up your kids' bikes, scooters and anything moveable in the garage when they're not using them in the meantime.

LouiseCollina · 21/04/2020 22:12

I feel for you OP. I went through something similar once, except the family members were actually under my roof! By the time it was over, a few months later, I was fit for antidepressants to be honest with you. Never took them, but by God I needed them.

Put you foot down would be my advice, this kind of epic inconsiderate behaviour at a constant daily pace produces the sort of anxiety that inevitably plays havoc with your mental health.

PlanDeRaccordement · 21/04/2020 22:13

YANBU
I assume BIL and SIL both know you are shielding, so are extra vulnerable. I don’t understand why they think social distancing is all they have to do. Maybe they did not read the guidance? Or think on,y you are shielding not your DH and children too? The using the bikes and play equipment then not wiping them off is pretty reckless.
I think your husband needs to have a private FaceTime chat with his brother about you are ALL shielding and the risks their behaviour are causing. They sound very ignorant and are acting like you are being paranoid, when you aren’t at all.

Wearywithteens · 21/04/2020 22:13

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn at the poster's request.

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