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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To tell them "how to live"

73 replies

Fromthebirdsnest · 21/04/2020 21:28

Wondering whether I'm being unreasonable as I certainly feel as if I'm being made to be , my brother and sister in law and 3 children have to come to stay in our self contained accommodation on our property they have been staying at my MILs since lock down (they were mid renovation and now are stuck 2 hours from home with no where to live!) We offered them to stay for a week or 2 here to give my mil some rest bite , they can stay here and be completely separate from from us , however they have been here since Friday and it 's driving me mad ,our nieces and nephew get up very early (12,10&6) and they keep letting them out in the garden at 6.30\7am, our children don't get up until after 9.30am so every morning they have woke us all up screaming ,we've said we will share the garden but not to let them on the play equipment as our youngest is just turned 4 so wouldn't understand If we told him to stay off it , we have a swing and slide by there accommodation they can use & multiply garden games stored there , I've seen them on it 3 times i text.to say please don't use it every time and I just get an "ok" as if I'm in the wrong ? , also the sharing of garden time our. Children get on really well and would try and play together , so I've said we will split the garden time and they keep letting them out during our children 's time so I keep having to bring our children in, there is a huge.park and field by.our house they could also use , and they let there children use our children's bikes ext while they watched on there patio .. There are other things like leaving in the car early and slamming the doors and waking us up & playing loud music when my 4 year old is asleep (think 9.30pm/10pm) with the sliding doors open, I've texT my sister in law about these things and I just get an "ok" and they carry on doing them ! My husband had to jet wash and disinfect the bikes and climbing frame as I'm in the shielding group so our children couldn't play on them until they were cleaned ... I rang my. Mil and she said they are in an awful position and I shouldn't tell them how to live ??? Aib u to want them to be considerate of us while. They live in our.home.?? X sorry for the long moaning essay but I've been shielding for 6 weeks and this.is making me utterly.misserable! X

OP posts:
Original poster
Fromthebirdsnest · 21/04/2020 22:14

They are popping to.the shops and going on the.local playing field walking by the river etc etc (I haven't got an issue with.them.doing this so haven't mentioned ) and we are completely isolating with shopping delivered and disinfected, i am in the shielding group and we've decided to shield as a family on the advice of my doctor due to my high risk , I was in ICu in November due to a cough that turned into a chest infection that lead to several asthma attacks we are very careful around Ill people in general x i would love nothing more than the children to play together and to give them an a huge squeeze even if they do wake up at an ungodly hour 😂 x

OP posts:
Andi2020 · 21/04/2020 22:17

@Pipppapeg I agree with you. If the family haven't been anywhere what harm will play together do
But the late night music and early mornings that is annoying

FrogFairy · 21/04/2020 22:18

Can they go to SIL’s parents for a while?

livefornaps · 21/04/2020 22:18

They sound FUCKING AWFUL.

Tell them that you're starting to feel ropey and so you need the house back so you can completely self isolate.

You've tried to tell them, it's not worth an argument because you will definitely be painted as the bad guy, so time to break out the big guns i.e. the blatent lies.

Then make sure they fuck off back to their rubble heap or whatever the fuck it is, not your concern, they took the piss so they can deal.

My motto: think twice about being nice.

Poetryinaction · 21/04/2020 22:21

Can't you just act as one big household when it comes to the garden toys? I assume the kids aren't going anywhere, so what does it matter if they both touch the swings?

circusintown · 21/04/2020 22:26

Well now you need the respite from them so off they go...they're adding to your stress

WaxOnFeckOff · 21/04/2020 22:31

Sounds awful OP, where are they going in the car in the early morning?

I appreciate you can't do face to face, but can you try talking instead of texting? Your DH really needs to man up and speak to his brother.

Original poster
Fromthebirdsnest · 21/04/2020 22:31

Sil 'a mum's house isn't big enough and she's just finished chemo , other bil is in one bed flat in central london , we along with mil are there only options , they were planning on airbnbing \staying with us \mil over Easter until all this covid thing started , i 'd love it if we could all shield together but they still want to go out (understandably) so are coming into contact with people so we can't risk the children playing together as lovely as it would be xx I have several illnesses that make me high risks and I'm still underweight and vunerable from when I was last Ill x

OP posts:
livefornaps · 21/04/2020 22:34

Get rid get rid get rid

circusintown · 21/04/2020 22:35

Just text again with the house rules for this period and ask them to stick to it otherwise it's not going to work.

Original poster
Fromthebirdsnest · 21/04/2020 22:39

In the car early was 2 shopping trips on separate days (they couldn't get everything they needed so had to for to 2 shops) plus they have been out early today to wave at sil mum's window 😕😂 xI know dh needs to man up but he won't 🙈 , I know people think he's being unreasonable but he's literally the kindest most generous man ever and hates any form of confrontation x

OP posts:
AdriannaP · 21/04/2020 22:40

They are selfish and rude. I think your husband needs to put you and his family first now, set out the rules for BIL and if not they have to leave. OP don’t risk your life because of them! You have to prioritise your family and your wellbeing now!
Please get your husband to step up now. I am sure BIL and family could even get an airbnb for the next weeks.

TheSparklyPussycat · 21/04/2020 22:41

Could MIL move into your annexe and your BIL, SIL and family move back to her house?

Carriecakes80 · 21/04/2020 22:43

You have a problem, sort it out. You cannot continue like this, it stresses you out, and this will affect your kids, believe me, they will be picking up on it, and this time is hard enough for them.
You have to be brutally honest and tell them they need to go home.

Wearywithteens · 21/04/2020 22:46

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn at the poster's request.

lyralalala · 21/04/2020 22:47

Tell your DH to speak to them or you do it. Even if they think you are being OTT (which you are not) they are still being CF'ers. If you have no home to live in and someone offers to put you up then you live by their rules or you find somewhere else.

Tell them it's not working and that they need to abide by the rules. Then send them on if they don't heed it.

Iloveme30 · 21/04/2020 22:47

You are not being unreasonable at all !!
This is a very hard time for a lot of families unfortunately we have 5 children and it’s hard ! My neighbors don’t seem to care about covid at all 😫 they are carrying on with life as normal .. stupid people
We all need to protect ourselves our families and even each other
Follow the rules and do what you got to do ffs !!! They are totally breaking your boundaries and you need to send them packing they sound like gits also I know it must be really awkward but your hubby must speak up they are putting you all at risk
Sorry for ranting I’m stressed too 😂
Really hope you get sorted this is hard enough xx

Queenoftheashes · 21/04/2020 22:54

Don't tell them how to live ! Tell them to fuck off instead.

I liked this suggestion

WaxOnFeckOff · 21/04/2020 22:56

OP it's nice to be nice and it's good that your DH is a kind man. But, his responsibility is firstly to you and your DC so what is he suggesting?

Their DC are more than old enough to follow proper rules and know that that is too early in the morning to be out making noise. I'm surprised your neighbours haven't complained. I am up and working at 7am ish but I'd still have issue with DC being outside that early making noise.

Tell them you've had complaints about that and the music. Lock your DC bikes away and reiterate about the play equipment.

2girls3dogs · 21/04/2020 22:58

From your replies OP it sounds like you and your DH won’t tell them where to go, so you’re stuck with them!

I have sympathy as you’re doing them a great favour, but if you won’t take action then nothing will change.

YANBU

Dyrne · 21/04/2020 22:59

“Kindest most gentlest man ever” = “Too much of a chickenshit to talk to his own brother about the behaviour that is potentially putting his wife’s life at risk”.

Yeah, sounds like a real catch...

Original poster
Fromthebirdsnest · 21/04/2020 23:02

I may suggest mil moves in that's a good idea actually if she go for it , she's usually quite lovely and we get on well she clearly just doesn't want them back yet! , it's difficult for dh as his brother has found himself homeless with his wife and 3 children and we really feel for them it's an awful stressful time so haven't wanted to come across as unwelcoming I will text tomorrow and let them know it won't work if they don't listen to what we've asked of them , we understand it's hard but it's making it harder for us when it's already difficult x I had my kitchen doors open with the children in and out playing Sat on the patio with a g&t in the evening , eating outside e ct but now it's all come to an ubrupt end as they won't get there children to stay in at all which is making it very difficult ! we have said we will happily do intivals of an hour or so each , we eat later than them so they could sit out and eat there meals too xx

OP posts:
Cherrysoup · 21/04/2020 23:05

Ban them from the garden. Every time they wake you up, call/text to complain. Chain up bikes etc.

giggly · 21/04/2020 23:11

I’m confused as you keep using the word confrontation. Surely a face to face conversation 2 metres apart is what you’d be doing with anyone shielding or not. Why would it be confrontational? I think you’re confusing assertiveness and/or lack of confidence. Surely your dh has been having conversations with his brother while they have been staying or do you all just converse by textHmm

lottiegarbanzo · 21/04/2020 23:13

Would your DH rather uphold his reputation for 'niceness' (being a pushover), or would he like to keep his wife alive and his DC with a Mum?