To wonder what it is like having a baby at 40?

[jasmineseas]

Is it really notably different to when you are younger, or is it all much of a muchness ...?

Does your partner not have parents though ?

I'm multi tasking, Argumentative so hard to reply but I am reading

Yes, chilli, although they don't live nearby.

Easy pregnancy and ok birth for me. I was fitter and healthier then than when younger tho.

I’m having a baby at 44, my first. Everything has been going well with the pregnancy. I’m in good health, so is baby. Usual scares & anxiety, which I’m sure feature in all pregnancies. My parents are young, so can help me out, which is great.
I worry about DH age / health, finances etc... (both our jobs are in the balance, with CV). But, we have a nice home & a happy marriage. This is a surprise baby. I would not have had fertility treatment at this age.
As for when the baby gets here... We’ll just have to see how it goes! I’m sure it’s hard at any age.

Had my 1st and only at 41 by C-section. Up and about after a day in hospital. I had loads of energy but I think I was on a 'high' simply because I finally had my much longed for baby. I was financially secure and can honestly say I sailed through it all. I attended a few mother and baby classes but they were full of moaning youngsters who seemed to be in competition with each other as to who had the worst birth or who was suffering now!

Had my first at 24, was back in the office in my jeans 4 days later. Very different story even 10 years later.

Had my 4th at 42. Easiest birth by far ( home) . But absolutely exhausted for the first 6 months . But he was a tough cookie to crack in the sleep department. He is now 11 and our absolute firecracker . He is so joyful and keeps me young . Yes it was tough in the early years ( babies are) but I'm so glad we have him.

was back in the office in my jeans 4 days later.

Why on Earth would you want to go to work 4 days after giving birth? I presume you were self-employed as it’s illegal for an employer to allow you to do that.

Had my youngest six weeks off my 41st birthday. She was a c-section but for reasons which had nothing do with age and I bounced back very quickly. Was walking her brother to preschool pushing the pram by week 2 (it's a 3 mile round trip).

I have mum friends who range in age from late 20s through to early 40s and I'd say I certainly haven't found it any harder than my much younger friends.

No family support. My dad died when I was pregnant with my 2nd and my mum isn't in a great place mentally plus she lives a 2 hour drive away and isn't particularly child friendly. My inlaws live a bit closer and looked after dc1 whilst I was in hospital having dc2. I have a good network of friends though entirely made after dc1 was born.

Had all of mine in latter thirties, ending at 40. No issues conceiving or with pregnancy/birth, just to add to the data gathering.

The question is irrelevant in a way though. Everyone finds it different and age is only one reason for that. You could have had non-sleeping babies in your twenties then breeze through it with a good sleeper in your 40s, for example.

We have found it fine and age has never seemed to be a factor in having made anything harder. Oh and no parental help here either.

If I had to say one thing about having a baby I would say just don't ever do it with an unsupportive/lazy/sexist/macho manchild partner, and heaven forbid with one who has ever been emotionally abusive or worse. That is the ONE thing which will make the experience a misery, both in the baby years and for the rest of it too.

@ArgumentativeAardvaark some people want to get back to work! Doesn’t mean they are going to be putting 12 hour days in. Life doesn’t stop!

In my group of friends it’s either people like me who had dc in their late 20s/early 30s or now, in their early 40s. So neither group can comment iyswim.

I like the idea of a third child but I see friends on fb my age who’ve just had babies and although they glow, they look bloody knackered. Mine actually sleep in later than 8 these days which is marvellous and I’d not want to compromise that!

@ ArgumentativeAardvaark no workie no eatie she went to day care with the umbilical cord still on

Had my last at 39. No real support from family. It was hugely complicated by dying relatives and a breakdown in relations with other relatives. I was exhausted as dc slept poorly after 5 mths. Dc was persistently ill with viral infections. It only really improved when dc was 4yrs. I don't regret it, but it was hard going. Family have missed out on a wonderful child and she's missed out on loving and involved gps who sadly passed before and just after she was born. We talk often of how much they would have loved her and the things they would have done together.

I had my first at 32 and my 4th at 42. No real difference.

Hadn't my first and only in my 40s and, for someone who was already permanently fatigued, I found I had renewed energy. A friend had her third around the same time, just a bit older than me and she didn't find it any more tiring she says.

@Chillicheese123

@ArgumentativeAardvaark some people want to get back to work! Doesn’t mean they are going to be putting 12 hour days in. Life doesn’t stop!

You did read that she said she went back to work 4 DAYS after the birth. Not 4 weeks or 4 months? Of course life bloody stops that soon after giving birth.

@ArgumentativeAardvaark no workie no eatie she went to day care with the umbilical cord still on

Yeah, whatever @ChrissieKeller61. Cos there are nurseries left right and centre willing to take babies under a week old.

I had my first daughter at 19 and I was judged greatly..."your lifes ruined"
I didnt see it tbh
I then had another child at 21, then 22 and my last daughter at 25

My parents worship the ground my kids walk on and have regular contact all the time something that wouldn't of been possible if we had waited to have kids.
I'll be 37 when my eldest becomes an adult and we are all so close...
I cant think of starting again at 40

Everyone is different :)

Not trying to start an argument @ArgumentativeAardvaark but I went to a friends wedding with a 5 day old. It was fine we had a lovely time !

@Chillicheese123 how is going to a wedding remotely like going back to work?

It’s not , I’m just saying some people just go back to a normal ish routine a few days after giving birth, work might be part of it. Not a criticism of people that don’t! Just saying what was normal for me !

@chillicheese you are being ridiculous and you know it.

Not about going to a wedding with a 5-day old. About suggesting that any normal person would only take 3 days off work after having a baby.

I had my second at 42. I've found him easier than DD who I had at 29 🤷🏻‍♀️