To wonder what it is like having a baby at 40?

[jasmineseas]

Is it really notably different to when you are younger, or is it all much of a muchness ...?

How about in laws ? Would you be in a position where you’re providing a lot of care or no?

I had my first at 22, second at 38 and I’m due my third just before my 40th. I’ve been really lucky with both of mine as they were both easy babies. I do feel that there was definitely a lot of winging it with my first and although I’m more stressed and worried about what can go wrong this time round, I feel that I’m a much better parent.

one at 28 one at 37. first time round birth much worse, had every intervention going but recovered quickly, looked fab after. Not too tired. second time round had an amazing relaxed birth, however was incredibly exhausted and had pnd. Could be because I had big gap though. Also I have aged so badly now, my skin never pinged back and I look alot older than 41.

1st at 32, 2nd at 33 and whoopsie due at 39.

3rd pregnancy a breeze up until last trimester and at 2 weeks to go I'm really struggling.

I think there is a real price to pay by our children, if we have them later on in life.

Equally, there's a price to be paid by children whose parents have them very young, when they are not economically in a good position, or are themselves still children.

I had first baby in my mid 20s and last one in late 30s. I can't say I was any less physically tired the first time around. I probably was a bit more energetic and enthusiastic when younger, but have a calmer attitude & more patience now older. Pros & cons! I think breastfeeding was more draining when young as you have a higher basal metabolic rate so need more food to keep your energy levels up!

I have very large age gap between first and last child. Energy has been big difference, pregnancy was more difficult with the last and recovery after birth. Financially better off with the last so in theory I can take baby to classes etc - lockdown has stopped that though. I have been able to take maternity leave, with first I could only afford to take 3 weeks off work. There has been no difference in my patience or parenting style, what has been different is my confidence in my choices. When you are young, older mothers and health visitors feel they have the right to tell you what you are doing ‘wrong’ all the time, the advice all contradict each other though and gets you in a state. I went against my own instincts a lot and it turned out to be mistake.

Pregnancy in late 30s was more tiring though, more aches & pains, less sprightly!

Had mine just before I turned 42. Nothing to compare it to but I don't think I had any more problems than anyone else (the pregnancy was complicated but it wasn't because of my age). Baby is now 2 and hitting all of her milestones bang on/slightly early. I had the advantage of much better finances than when I was in my 30s and was also senior enough at work that I didn't feel vulnerable or at risk taking maternity leave. I don't think it's necessarily better to have a child later rather than earlier but I think there are pros and cons.

A close friend had her first at 42 and her second (surprise pregnancy) at 45. She didn’t have a particularly easy birth first time round but the second was fine. Both dc are in secondary school now and are happy and healthy.

The biggest difference between her experience and mine (I had all three of mine in my 30s) is that while I was having babies, she was getting on with her career and was in a much better place work wise than I was when she went off for her first lot of maternity leave and motherhood has had much less of an effect on her career than mine

I had my first at 23 and my last at 38 and it was so much better last time round. More patience, maturity and appreciation at 38. Didn't notice a lack of energy. Felt great pregnant and after.

Had both mine early 26 and 29, tho my younger son high functioning Aspergers, tough all the way through.
Sleep much easier with babies than menopause at 45, glad it’s all over

I had my first at 37 and I felt like I was in my twenties. Never a moments worry. Then loads of hideous miscarriages and finally managed to have my second a week before my 41st. Honestly physically my body was totally fine. But mentally I was a completely different person, pretty much broken.

I don’t think age is much of a factor if you are healthy. Yes there are slightly increased risk of still birth and because of that we decided to induce at 39 weeks. For be it was more mental. What’s happened to me has aged me significantly at at 45 I feel about a hundred in my head.

It was the easiest thing in the world. Only the anxiety about all the horror stories made it hard! I went to hospital at 10 am, and was back home for a late lunch at 3 pm with my third bundle of joy. She is by far the easiest of my children, sleeps and eats and smiles.

I had my first at 21, second at 29 and third at 37 - for me, the only thing that got progressively harder was doing the school run.

I had my first at 22, second at 34 and am 20 weeks pregnant at the grand old age of 40. So I guess I’ll find out soon! Will be having my 3rd (elective) c section - first one was horrible, second one was ok so I’m wondering what this one and the recovery will be like.

I was far more tired having a baby at 34 than at 22, so I guess I’ll be worse this time.

I have no idea what it’s like to have children into 40s, I had my kids in my mid-late 20s and to be honest I think I’d have preferred to have them either earlier or later. Having them at 25 and 28 meant that I’d only just started to get my career going before stopping, but other parents I met at baby groups etc were well into their 30s and had great careers to go back to after mat leave, lovely big houses that they’d paid lots of the mortgage on already before having kids. Can’t comment on the physical aspects but financially I felt worse off than older parents.

And as far as parents/in laws helping etc I never had that anyway even 18 years ago. So it’s not an issue. The only trouble is my dad being 84 and being incredibly difficult and demanding attention as he gets older.

Big gaps here. Not much in it. Although I forgot everything. We live in a bigger house now which does help.

I’m only in my 20s and my mil is in her 70s and I do worry about the future with babies etc. she will want to be really involved but she can barely carry a bag of shopping from the co-op to her front door so I just don’t know if I will be comfortable letting her have a newborn to look after

I was 6 weeks shy of 40 having DD. Pregnancy was fine, labour was awful but that was nothing to do with my age. Early years were no problem, and I had plenty of energy. DD is 7 now and I'm way fitter than most younger mums I know; we go cycling, running, swimming, etc. My age has genuinely never been an issue

Bit of a weird update OP, are you saying that people should take that into account when they advuse you? Sadly, both my parents had passed away by the time I had my son, although luckily the in laws are both still with us. Live too far away to be of practical help through. In some ways it has been easier as I have not suffered from the difficult “sandwich” situation of having to look after elderly parents and a small child at the same time. It is also very sad that they never knew their grandson.

Well, yes. I don't see it as weird: many responses were saying to take into account my ageing parents and so I updated to explain this wasn't relevant to me. Thanks for the kindness of your reply.

Had my first at 27. Planning to give a shot in the dark try to a second at 42.

It was just an odd standalone statement without any acknowledgement of all the responses you’d already had, most of which didn’t mention parents. Not saying that the info itself was weird. Sorry for your losses.