Red hair child

[bibbidibobbididoo12]

I have 2 red head girls age 7 and 9.
Both have started to questions about their hair.
Today one of my children asked is having red hair a bad thing.
Obviously I asked her why?
She explained in a book she was reading when they described a character they used all negative words such as 'fat, ugly and had red hair'.

I am constantly telling them how beautiful their hair is and other people regularly tell them.
But both girls have started saying people are just it to make me feel better about our hair colour.
It's a catch 22 situation.
The oldest girl has been bullied and called ginger idiot and you can't play with us because you have ginger hair.

The whole thing just makes me really sad.

I don't know what to say to them?
Do I say in the past people used to think ginger hair/red hair was not as nice etc or not even tell them that? Then they ask Why did they say that?

I honestly thought being “gingerist” was something of the past but now I feel worried it isn’t.

Unfortunately it's not. I used to work with a woman who would openly say that she couldn't bear to be near ginger people. She said she had a 'phobia' of them. She didn't, she was just a c*nt.

My whole family are redheads. My dh said he used to get stick as a kid. My dd doesn't but then she's in a class with at least 4 others. She knows that some people might pick on people with red hair but she only knows this from TV etc

Two of my daughters have red hair. I think it's beautiful but they both started dyeing it at 12 because of the bullying. It wasn't just name calling, one was spat on, the other had yogurt thrown in her hair. At 20 dd1 is finally thinking about going back to her natural colour.

lifelong red head here I got teased for my hair colour at school and that was way back in the 60s, my mom used to say they are only jealous and women pay pounds to dye their hair red, as a child didn't make me feel any better I hated my hair, but now at 63 and my hair is still light red and not grey and my friends with dark hair are paying out to try to keep their dark hair I love my hair get compliments on it a lot

"Tell them that children who are cruel to others come from miserable homes where nobody really loves them"

@mathanxiety what?

So that they can counter back with "my mum says nobody really loves you". Jesus Christ that's nasty

And I've also found that most red-haired males experience less bullying than red-haired females

I think red-headed men get it worse, actually. Red-headed women are at least considered somewhat good looking.

In the States red hair wasn’t seen as all that bad—it was the freckles that was mocked. But since South Park that has really changed in the younger generation

Don’t ever brush off their worries. Always inform their school of the bullying. Every time. It’s unacceptable, but still accepted and ‘funny’

I agree. I can’t believe people are making it the victims fault - brush it off, tell her she’s beautiful, look at these lovely red heads.

She’s upset, she needs you to step up and make her voice heard. Bullying is never ok.

Not so long ago I heard a colleague tell a red haired colleague with one red headed child and another child soon to be born that he would make his wife have a termination if he thought the child was going to have red hair.

I've heard similar. From a female acquaintance who was pregnant 'if it comes out ginger I might just shove it back up'. Me, 'erm hello'. 'Oh you're OK but gingers get bullied so I wouldn't want a ginger child'. Absolutely zero self awareness in many people.

I was bullied horrendously at school. It's a combination of standing out and jealousy. Often as an adult I meet people who tell me they love my hair and I just know that many of them would have been the ones at school calling me a ginger bitch. I was spat on, punched and kicked with no provocation whatsoever. I was continually told I was ugly and that no-one would ever, ever want to go out with me. In my late 30s I had a breakdown and much of that stemmed from unresolved issues from that bullying.

But that said I would not change my hair colour. In fact now it's going grey I take great delight in dying it back red. I think OP you really need to bolster their confidence. Explain that humans do not cope well with difference. Explain that a lot of it is jealousy and insecurity.

There are plenty of ginger events around now - take them along. It really helped me to go along to events and be surrounded by people with the same hair colour. I realised that until that point I had only ever been in a room with at most 2 people with the same hair colour as me. I found it really weird and thought 'oh so this is what it's like to blend in'. And in some ways that unsettled me because I realised I prefer standing out from the crowd. Make it clear that the bullying is the problem of the bullies, not your daughters. it's just different hair colour and if people cannot deal with that, what else do they struggle with? Probably rather a lot.

My teen has the most stunning red curls. As a baby/toddler people would stop me in the street and comment on it. I once overheard a conversation where someone was describing a child with the most stunning hair he had ever seen - it was my child.
When she was born I knew that there was high chance she would be a red head and I worried myself stupid over the bullying she may encounter as she got to school age but fortunately it didn’t happen. Now at the age of 17 her friends are wildly jealous of her colour (it is very dark red with almost white strands that run through it) and talk about it all of the time. She is lucky that her hair is incredibly thick, naturally curly and waist length and it looks stunning. I’m sure over the years she has had the odd negative comment but she has worn her mane with pride and I hope she always does.

I just wanted to come and share my love of red hair. So beautiful.

A friend of mine has red hair and when she was pregnant someone asked her if she was worried her baby would be ginger... they were actually really concerned and expected my friend to be too.

People are weird.

I'm sorry your kids are going through this. It's unfair

redheaddayuk.co.uk/

I was bullied throughout school, and I have run of the mill brown/blonde hair. Bullies will pick on your most obvious feature whatever that may be. Mine was I was tall (crime of the century clearly). I was spat on, chewing gum flung in my hair etc. and there was nothing particularly special about my hair. Bullies just pick you apart by attacking (or creating) anything that's slightly different.

Sadly nothing you can say will likely convince your daughters to believe you (who they view as biased as you obviously and rightfully adore them!) over the bullies, as their peers opinions will be hugely overwhelmingly important right now. I'd advise helping them see that if they e.g. dyed their hair, they'd just move on to something else because the red hair isn't the root of the problem it's just an easy target for the bully, don't make the hair or your daughters the focus of the issue if you can deflect from it - it's just the current target. You cannot change the bullies behaviour but you can change your daughters reactions to it.

Something along the lines of daughter saying 'so are you saying all people with red hair are X, Y and Z? What about are you saying there's something wrong with them because they have the same colour hair as me? They wouldn't be pleased to hear you saying things like that if they found out'. It's not easy to say something like this to a bully, but pre-empting and practicing likely taunt responses can help victims feel more confident and prepared. Its one of the few things bullies understand - fear of attracting the attention of someone with some confidence and stature to rebuff their antics and make them look weak in front of their peers.

Is there any other mothers who can have a subtle word with her other friends to support her and say they think her hair is nice, give it a rest if the girl starts? Best way to stop a bully is prevent them isolating the victim. It's a tightrope as you don't want to cause more problems for your daughter by raising it, but it can't just be ignored. Keep reporting it to the school and log incidents in case you need it in future.

Really feel for you, there's nothing worse than either being at the receiving end of having your confidence ripped to bits, or watching someone you love have it happen to them .

I never really experienced bullying or anything because of my hair. It’s real Merida style red Celtic hair and I have blue eyes too although I’m not very very pale/porcelain like some read heads. It was never really a thing as a child and my mum always bigged it up etc I even actually did a bit of modelling. So I always liked it. But a few years ago in my early twenties I was working away at my desk at a boring admin job and a girl came in who I didn’t know, who was on maternity leave. I hadn’t been there long and had never met her. She brought her little boy in and he had red hair and she said really loudly in a little huddle of her and her pals, ‘I know don’t say anything, he’s ginger ! There’s nothing I can do except shave his head at this point!’ And they all burst out laughing. She then went on to say ‘good job her dd’s name isn’t ginger that would be absolutely tragic wouldn’t it!’ I just thought how could you say that about your own kids ?

Children are mostly savages. They are by definition, uncivilised.
They know it is wrong to bully certain groups but look to scapegoat someone. It's usually poorer kids rather than redheads but can be redheads. It focuses on lack of self confidence in the intended victim.
There are a lot of pp on this thread blaming the parents but I can tell you from 27 years teaching experience that it is almost exclusively the well to do, naice, (confident, rich, well provided for) kids who do the bullying from age 5 to 18.
They do it for a laugh and to boost their popularity and social status. They often have little empathy even when talked to / given detention / isolation. Empathy is one of the last things to develop in humans. I wrote an essay on it many years back.

Anyway mainly wanted to say, stop blaming the parents and its very much MN kids (see above) that do the bullying. Talk to your kids and you'll see them smirk/ justify themselves.
Maybe you all could talk to them.

@Vanhi I’ve had ‘what would you do if you had a ginger baby, would you send it back?!’ As a hilarious joke

This makes me so sad. I think red hair is beautiful. Two of my best friends are redheads and they are both very confident people. They did get the usual “ginger” comments at school but would stick up for themselves so it never became a big thing. And also remember - everyone is picked on for something.

I think, as there well always be dickheads out there, you just need to bring your dd’s up to be confident and not take shit from anyone. The child saying she couldn’t play with your dd because of the colour of her hair is obviously from a very ignorant background (I mean, where has a young child even heard something like that?) and it’s probably for the best your dd doesn’t play with them. Most kids won’t give a shit about hair colour. Teach your dd’s resilience and self-confidence and to be proud of their red hair.

it is almost exclusively the well to do, naice, (confident, rich, well provided for) kids who do the bullying from age 5 to 18

If we are doing anecdotes I noticed most of the bullies I grew up with were from poor families with a bad home situation.

But recognise my experience is hardly universal ...

@chillicheese123 I'm afraid my sense of humour nosedives at this point and I tend to snap back 'it's better than being a boring brown-haired twat'.

I think part of the issue is that for someone without red hair, they might see a ginger person once a week and so they make that joke very seldom, so they think you don't hear it that often. They fail to realise that every other small-minded dickhead says similar things and what to them is a rare event is day-in, day-out normality to you, and it just isn't funny. I don't care if they think I'm humourless or rude, I just tell them to fuck off.

How sad it is to hear so many stories of bullying over a hair colour :(

I remember a guy at my workplace when I was 17 bought me hair dye in the secret santa and found it hilarious. My boss was also a red headed gay man and did not find it funny at all and had his card marked!

The lad eventually got his commpuance when he was caught stealing from the company.... idiot

I also find it sad to read people hoping their children dont have red hair. With 2 girls I am desperately trying to see if they will be red or even a hint but as there is no evidence of it on husbands side I dont think they will be :(

My dd (4) has beautiful hair, everyone always comments on how lovely it is, she starts school on September and I'm so worried for her incase she gets bullied. She's such a sensitive little soul.

@vanhi I know and it’s like you are a boring twat for not finding it funny. Like your literally slagging off a BABY’S appearance? It might be your own baby but wtf?! Saying he looks a bit crinkled or whatever is fine but saying you want to shave their head? Dye their hair? Saying you want to send them back is like saying you wish you’d never had them!?

I think I’ve got a pretty good sense of humor, like quite dark things, love drag which can be very dark and borderline offensive but I just think the ginger thing is so boring now !

@LionKingOrTigerKing your dd is truly gorgeous

I had red hair (now mostly blonde - with roots!) and I was badly bullied as a child in the 80s and 90s.

It is ridiculous as it is just another hair colour

Quick google: 45% of women in this survey had Dyed their hair red. Clearly it’s a desirable colour!

www.google.co.uk/amp/s/www.independent.co.uk/life-style/hair-colour-dye-women-haircare-salon-a9128231.html%3famp