Red hair child

[bibbidibobbididoo12]

I have 2 red head girls age 7 and 9.
Both have started to questions about their hair.
Today one of my children asked is having red hair a bad thing.
Obviously I asked her why?
She explained in a book she was reading when they described a character they used all negative words such as 'fat, ugly and had red hair'.

I am constantly telling them how beautiful their hair is and other people regularly tell them.
But both girls have started saying people are just it to make me feel better about our hair colour.
It's a catch 22 situation.
The oldest girl has been bullied and called ginger idiot and you can't play with us because you have ginger hair.

The whole thing just makes me really sad.

I don't know what to say to them?
Do I say in the past people used to think ginger hair/red hair was not as nice etc or not even tell them that? Then they ask Why did they say that?

I have 2 daughters with red hair and notice this a lot. Being expected to shrug off casual comments and jokes about red hair, in general conversation and often on
social media. It is very much still there and I find it so sad that my children have to witness this. The word ginger is often used in a very negative way, it seems to be widely socially accepted to talk about people’s hair colour in this way. My girls are beautiful and I encourage them to be proud of their hair colour but I know that they will encounter this a lot in life.

@bibbidibobbididoo12 I suffered exactly the same as your DD at school but it was only at school. As someone else said, I would get compliments from random strangers on my long red hair.
My DF always made a fuss of it, would brush out the knots when I was little and tell me how beautiful it was and that made me proud of my hair.
My DC don't have red hair but do wear glasses so they've been picked on/called names for that instead.
Children can be cruel, it's a fact.
It took me a long time to love my hair but I really do now.
One of my favourite moments was collecting DS1 from school when he was around 6 and he came out saying "I knew you were already here because I saw your orange hair when you walked past the window".
Very happy for him to call my hair orange, he said it with love not to insult me.

As a redhead you have to develop a thick skin I’m afraid. I had comments (from very stupid people it has to be said) well into my 20s, not often but it’s bloody annoying. But most people grow up. As an adult lots of people covet it though.

My little girl (21 months) has red/blondish hair, very pale skin and light eyebrows and eyelashes. We live in a country where the majority are dark haired, brown eyes and olive skin. When she was born, the nurses and doctors used to gather round her, whooping with delight and calling her golden coloured etc. She also has v blue eyes, all we’ve ever had is positive comments, but I do worry if we return to live in the uk, how it will be 😞 My plan is to build her confidence up so much that she can stand up to any awful comments she might unfortunately receive.

But kids will pick on ANYTHING different and try to bully others about it! I had a big nose - picked on. My friend wore glasses - picked on. One girl wore a spotty dress to school on non-uniform day and was picked on about that until we left! A dress she wore on ONE DAY!

Kids are cruel. Build up your daughters' self esteem, not just about their hair; they may need to wear glasses/braces or, hell, even a spotty dress one day, and they need to be able to put down even the first attempt at 'picking on'. They shouldn't need to, it shouldn't ever be done, but...kids. Sigh.

Judas the guy from the Middle East has red hair?!

Lots of middle eastern people have red hair, both Jews and Arabs. It's a gorgeous deep auburn, different to most white people's shade of red.

I love all red hair in any shade. I'd kill to have been a redhead. I have red hair in my family but sadly it bypassed me.

Double whammy here of red AND curly. That was fun at school(!)
I still get a lot of comments, some about hair, some about skin. Been shouted at to put fake tan on, that I shouldn't have a dress on (pale legs), ginger minger, Duracell.... all the standard insults
My mum likes to tell the story of the midwife who said "she's ginger, want me to put her back" hahahahaha yes very funny thanks

You have really beautiful hair ClientQ.

I'll never understand the prejudice 🤷🏻‍♀️.

In ''past'' red hair was regarded as ''beautiful'' as in actress Moira Shearer in the film Red Shoes. Many models in 50s and 60s had red hair. Queen Elizabeth 1 had red hair and it was regarded as beautiful.

There is a gathering in the Netherlands every year for red heads - maybe plan to take her one day! Also for when she is older - a little Tim Minchin's 'Only a Ginger'....

Having red hair was no fucking fun at all in some places. But I have to say that most of my bullies were male. And I've also found that most red-haired males experience less bullying than red-haired females - haven't done extensive research, just anecdotally. I'm a red head, well mainly grey now but I was, my brother is as well and I found the opposite to you as he got much more stick about it than I did. I also found teenage friends would say they would never date a ginger guy and if I objected they would say "Oh don't be offended, it is different on a girl."

Thinking about it I think I got more hassle for my freckles than my red hair but as they so often go together I don't suppose that helps. I'm always amazed when seemingly normal people will look you in the face and say, "But freckles are so ugly aren't they."

penguins, EXACTLY the same happened to me. Thrown downstairs, locked in toilets and water thrown over me, punched, hair pulled etc etc, but the physical stuff wasn’t as bad as the emotional bullying - yelling copper cunt, ginger minge, we hate you because you have ginger hair. It was utterly horrific and my parents just told me to ‘ignore it’, ‘they’re just jealous’. No they fucking weren’t. It didn’t matter how often my parents and grandparents told me my hair was beautiful- my peers opinions mattered more.
I hated my hair and being different, but I was lucky that I didn’t suffer at home with my friends there and I had my pony, who without doubt saved my sanity.
Don’t ever brush off their worries. Always inform their school of the bullying. Every time. It’s unacceptable, but still accepted and ‘funny’.
I also hoped beyond hope that my children wouldn’t be born with it and I was so relieved when they were all dark haired at birth. It’s so sad to admit that, and the girls they were at school with who have ginger hair didn’t suffer the same. I had hoped it was a thing of the past...
I have noticed more and more red haired children and adults on tv - in commercials, soaps etc over the past couple of years, so hopefully we’re becoming more ‘normal’ at last.
I’m 56 now and I spend a fortune keeping my hair the colour I was born with, so I obviously don’t hate it, just the reaction of those nasty bullies at school.
Just keep talking to them - I like the advice for the girls to shrug and say ‘so what?’. Make it into something insignificant- it takes the power away from the bullies. I’m sure you won’t, but don’t dismiss their concerns and worries. They’ll grow up to love their different, beautiful hair.

Hostility towards red haired people is definitely rooted in race but it's so deep rooted that a lot of people don't notice it or clock it as such.

Red hair and the associated skin features is actually a neat little genetic modification that happened to some people in central Asia centuries ago to allow them to survive in places with little sunlight.

The southern European forces they fought against viewed it as a negative trait, and as those same southern European forces were ultimately more powerful in general they wrote the narrative that has become deeply embedded in culture over the centuries.

When they migrated to largely Celtic areas these areas also resisted southern European expansion so the perception of redheads as problematic just continued and so red haired people were seen as warlike, savage etc.

Interestingly the other hair trait associated with Celtic people - ie curly hair - also appears in Ireland and Scotland as a result of migration from Eastern minority edge of Europe population primarily Jewish. And is also seen as negative as witnessed by obsession with hair straightening in northern European populations.

So yeah it's complex and yeah it's racist in origin and like hostility towards curly hair - also a genetic feature related to climate - it involves a kind of double layer of racism. That is the first tranche deeply embedded in historical dominant cultural output and the second tranche stemming from anti Scottish and anti Irish sentiment continued and exacerbated right through to today.

DD is 16 and has waist length red hair. It is GORGEOUS. She thinks it's gorgeous and says she will never dye it. She might do when she gets older and messes with her hair as we all do, but she won't change its colour.

She has always had high self esteem though. Not in a vain way, but we have never called her Auburn, or strawberry blonde or any of the other stupid names people use to try and make it sound better. It has always been red or ginger to us and on the rare occasions someone tries to be funny about her ginger hair, she genuinely looks at them in bemusement.

Teach your daughter to say "so what?" And actually mean it.

I honestly thought being “gingerist” was something of the past but now I feel worried it isn’t.
My middle child is ginger he’s 8 and he’s a popular lad at school and has honestly never come home and said anyone’s called him ginger. So if they have done it obviously hasn’t bothered him.
I’ve found that the ginger comments have always come from adults ... gingers can’t go out in the sun they’ll fry etc.
When he was born one of my friends even said to me “well at least it’s a ginger boy and you can cut his hair short”

It seems to be a new fad. Wasnt a problem for my friends in 1960

Lol it's the opposite of a new fad. Both Judas and Mary Magdalene have had red hair in pictures for centuries.

I have red hair, I’ve had comments through my life although mainly teasing rather than overt bullying. As an adult I’ve gone blonder whereas a lot of my friends now dye their hair the colour mine was!

If I ever get comments I either ask if they’re aware they’re making a racist comment (that makes them stop and think - I’m not sure it’s true though!) or sometimes I ask if I can comment on their appearance seeing as they’re commenting on mine
Both stop comments in their tracks

Tbh I’m glad my daughters do not have red hair for that reason. It can be very wearing! As pp said she will need to develop a thick skin unfortunately

Ofc the other side of the coin is semi-fetishistic exoticism that some people especially women with red hair encounter. Again this is a phenomenon experienced in more explicit terms by racial minorities and although it looks more positive - eg a white person saying out of nowhere to a person of colour that their hair is incredible would likely argue that they are not being hostile - it's still a form of othering.

@NoMorePoliticsPlease absolutely not a new fad unfortunately.

Ever heard the old saying about the red haired step child?

People have been mean for centuries, red hair is more unusual than any other colour. It also grabs attention. So people are nasty, they want to make themselves feel better and superior any way they can.

I actually ended a friendship in my late teens because this adult constantly commented about ginger pubes, and laughed at anyone who had red in their facial hair. She was at university, and through she was hysterical. I though she came across as a bit thick😊

@tubbycustardtummyache I think your responses are spot on.

OP it's shit but it isn't going to stop. Talking about it, making clear that it's not acceptable and exploring why it happens in order to formulate a response that feels comfortable - these are good and unfortunately necessary strategies. Also raising it with the school in a calm consistent way.

Red hair is so beautiful. Mum was a redhead and my dad said it was the first thing he noticed about her because her hair was so beautiful 'she was an absolute knock out' (his words). She hated her hair because of all the usual nonsense when she was a kid but I SO wish I'd inherited it, it was gorgeous.

Penguins, I really hope all the people who have terrified you live really, really shit lives of hourly misery.