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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

At being mildly piqued at new teaching assistants comments in dd's reading record

78 replies

handlemecarefully · 14/09/2007 20:01

Last time she read with the teacher the comment was:
"Fantastic reading"

Dd is struggling with her literacy but usual remarks include the above and phrases such as "Good working out" / "Much improved" or "Good effort"

Today she got (what I felt was a pithy little remark, but I accept I am oversensitive perhaps):

"Guessed a lot of the words. Sounded the words out together. Needs to look carefully at first letter of words"

Ouch!

It seems dd read with the new Teaching Assistant this week (who started work last week).

Good job dd can't read so well, I however can, and felt a bit put out

(I think I have baggage, lol - especially since the TA has a rather bright dd in the same class as my child)

Perhaps she could have softened it with "Nevertheless, good effort"

Am rambling now, aren't I

OP posts:
TellusMater · 14/09/2007 20:04

Well, it's actually a more constructive comment though isn't it? And it's really for you, not dd? I prefer it when I get proper comments, and I write proper comments too.

But then I am mean

Rhubarb · 14/09/2007 20:04

Yes you are. If she has picked out a problem it means that she has paid attention to your dd's reading and listened. She's identified a problem and shared it so you can work on it.

The ones that say "fantastic reading" are usually put there by teachers who are rushed, forget how she read, and put the obligatory comment in the book.

I would thank her for being so attentive and obviously wanting your dd to improve.

TellusMater · 14/09/2007 20:05

You see what I did there? I criticised, and then softened it with a self deprecating comment.

Is that what you're after?

Rhubarb · 14/09/2007 20:05

Whereas I just told it as it is 'coz I'm meaner!

TellusMater · 14/09/2007 20:05

Sorry, should have added a there - must try harder...

Twiglett · 14/09/2007 20:06

I would have far preferred this feedback than the previous useless feedback

I am consistently irritated by positive reinforcements rather than constructive advice

IMHO you are being totally unreasonable .. it is USEFUL unlike 'fantastic reading' which is patently crap for a child who is as you say 'struggling'

Gobbledigook · 14/09/2007 20:06

Ah, I know what you mean hmc but agree with Mater that it's a more constructive comment and as a parent reader I'm always honest - there is no point commenting otherwise.

I agree though - I always put something positive like they worked really hard, enjoyed discussing the story, had good understanding of the story, improved...

brimfull · 14/09/2007 20:07

HMC-think you should write a comment back

"see me outside-bitch!"

Rhubarb · 14/09/2007 20:07

lol ggirl!

shimmy · 14/09/2007 20:08

agree her comments could have been softened with some praise but hers are at least constructive. 'Fantastic' gives no idea to you or dd how to improve. Looking at the first letter helps you both to concentrate on where dd is finding it hard.

personal bugbear of mine is teachers that lavish everyone with empty compliments so that noboy actually learns where they can improve.

Blandmum · 14/09/2007 20:09

The thing is , none of those comment were negative. the TA didn't say anything derogatory about you dd.

They were construcyive comments which would help your child to improve.

Yes, some comment about how had you dd worked would be nice, but the reading record is there for you to know what to do to help

littlemissbossy · 14/09/2007 20:09

Any comment is better than nothing IMO - at our school they don't even read with individual children, we have to do this at home

Twiglett · 14/09/2007 20:09

oh FFS .. are we as parents really so weak and incapable of constructive critiques that we need it all to be softened?

are we?

its basically a 'could try harder' isn't it?

gess · 14/09/2007 20:09

I think that's a useful remark tbh. She doesn't need to soften- it's to you, not your dd. Think of it as instructions to you. I send them back to the teacher, note any words he needed help with etc.

Original poster
handlemecarefully · 14/09/2007 20:09

Oh you're all right of course. I guess what is really pissing me off is that another parent of a child in dd's class who has a fabulous fluent reader knows that my daughter is strugging. I don't like her having that knowledge...[even more unreasonable emoticon]

Yes it was a more constructive comment - but nothing I didn't already know since I practice reading with dd at home...

What do you all think about a parent being allowed to be a Teaching Assistant in the same class as their child. Is this okay do you think? Is it standard practice?

OP posts:
Flamesparrow · 14/09/2007 20:09

I think I would prefer the realistic too.

I'm new at all this though - I have no idea what comment I am meant to write myself in DD's little book thingy. She is bringing home just basic stories this fortnight, ones that I read to her so she gets used to me reading to her (I sooo want to but I accept that other parents don't do bedtime stories etc) - what the hell am I meant to comment?? So far I ask her what she thinks - comments include "It was lovely" and "FANTASTIC!!!"

Twiglett · 14/09/2007 20:10

what a lovely wonderful child and a pleasure to have in the classroom although she could use some work on her spelling, reading, writing and mathematics and if we could possibly have her PHD dissertation by next Monday we'd be ever so grateful

3andnomore · 14/09/2007 20:10

POssibly could have been worded more diplomatically, but I agree with teh previous people it is much more constructive then the blanket statement of "fantastic reading"...you know your child has problems, so, fair enough you take this to say that for her she read very well...however...another parent might not be so clued up, and thinks that their child is a little genius...

Original poster
handlemecarefully · 14/09/2007 20:11

Twiglett don't get cross with me.

I find it really upsetting that dd is struggling with reading. Unfathomable because I was an early and avid reader. Can't understand why it hasn't clicked with her...

The message is for me rather than her - I appreciate that, but as feeble as I am I do need it softened

(must be pre menstrual lol)

OP posts:
tori32 · 14/09/2007 20:12

YABU ,as has already been pointed out the assistant is doing her job and her comments tell you far more about dd's progress than the bland and unmeaningful ones made by the teacher. At least with those comments you can improve these aspects. What does fantastic reading tell you? What was fantastic? How was it?

I would personally thank her for her constructive comments!

brimfull · 14/09/2007 20:12

I think parents of children who are not the cleverst in the class should be allowed to help

Bottom table parents only!

TellusMater · 14/09/2007 20:12

Ah - it runs deeper...

gess · 14/09/2007 20:13

I don;t suppose the parent will pay that much attention tbh. I did some work in d1's class and fell in love with all 6 of them.

Original poster
handlemecarefully · 14/09/2007 20:13

lol ggirl!

Tellusmater - doesn't it always?

OP posts:
3andnomore · 14/09/2007 20:14

handlemecarefully, ouch...I can smell a whiff of competitive parent in your last post....
I know it''s frustrating if your child is struggling, my es has done and still is now, he just started senior school this year....but I don't really care that he isn't very academically minded, but will of course encourage him in his studies...but he is a mean little artist...and he will go far...