Is my Father right to be angry at me ?

[LidiaM]

I am 26 years old, have a baby and husband, I have moved out from my parents soonest I got married. My parents live not far from us, we normally visit eachother very often and call eachother every day, (I am very close to my mum ) but dad constantly has a problem with me, yesterday he got angry at me because he called me in the morning and I never called him back, I called back in the evening and we all had a group chat (me, my mum, my brother and my dad however he was not talking on the camera) I called my mum just now so she can see my baby on camera and chat and I asked for my dad, when my mother turned the camera on my dad he told me that he will not be talking to me with angry face , I think its ridiculous .
Am I right to feel that he acts like a child ? I have my own life and I am not on my phone 24/7 , I have my husband and baby, we are busy at home playing, cooking etc. I just dont get it, It was always like this, I feel so much pressure that he will get angry at me for anything .
Surely theres alot going on in everybodys lifes and he really think theres a need to be so angry for me because I didnt call him back in 1 day !!
Its not like we dont talk for days and I ignore him, We are all very close, we have a whatsapp group with closest family, we send pictures, we know whats happening in eachother lives I just dont understand why he neess to behave this way, He always feel the need to bring me down and make me feel guilty for such reason.
I care for them and I love them very much, its very hard for me tu understand this..
I told my mum what I think about it , he was next to her with grumpy face , my mum just said that surely I had a minute free to give him a call back !I dont get it, I shouldnt need to worrying about these kind of stuff?
Should I feel guilty just like he thinks ?

If this was your husband I’d be calling domestic abuse.

You’re being emotionally abused and manipulated by your dad.

www.amazon.co.uk/Toxic-Parents-Susan-Forward-ebook/dp/B003Q6D5PM/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1&crid=1F738AH9E4GR5&keywords=toxic+parents&sprefix=Toxic+pa%2Caps%2C153&tag=mumsnetforu03-21&qid=1587326915&sr=8-1

Read this book. Think about counselling. Get some distance between you and your parents.

Madness! If I call home my dad makes polite conversation and then hands the phone to my mum. Isn't that what dads do?!

Your relationship with your parents does not seem normal. Try distancing yourself and if your dad sulks or gets angry give a breezy "let me know when you feel differently about it and we will talk then" and dont engage further. No need to be nasty just don't let yourself be bullied.

He gets annoyed if you phoned you mum then dont instantly phone him in the same house?

this isnt normal-you dont owe him anything

I really agree with pointythings

"If you can, I'd get some counselling to help you learn that your father's behaviour and the model of family you grew up with are not normal or healthy."

I totally agree you need to know in your own heart that you are NOT in the wrong.

You can assert you own boundaries.

And more than 'can' you should assert you own boundaries.

I am 4 years or so out of a similar unhealthy family arrangement. This is not a healthy way for your parents to treat you.

You need to establish a new normal. If people play up I would recommend ignoring them and carrying on with the routine you plan to establish. For myself it has been only seeing my father once a fortnight and infrequent calls. In the early days I corrected him when he would make snarky comments indicating that he was dissatisfied with having phone calls every 3 days and then I would put the phone down if he was rude. He stopped. He does still try to play games, I don't rise to them.

I recommend that you look into counselling, this is not a normal relationship. Counselling was one of the best things I have ever done and has made my a much better mother and wife.

I will also add that I used to have a difficult relationship with my mother and once I recognised his manipulative behaviour our relationship completely changed.