Are teenagers worse than small children?

[shhhFFS]

Tongue in cheek but...

We have both in our house and given the current testing times who do you think is more testing? We have 5, 8 and 14.

14 has luckily not fallen into the bracket of having their GCSE results thrown to the wind but starts next year. So has had a lot of work assigned in term time rightly so. She picked art as a gcse subject so had a lot of projects assigned in line with that. Has now decided she f***g hates art and can’t be arsed. She wants to ‘channel’ her energy as I have encouraged so I’ve signed her up for every buggering app and live thing on the planet for guitar playing, art, sign language. She gives it 10 mins of attention and decides she’s tried but it’s just not happening. Which results in me yelling that you need to spend more than 10 bleeding minutes to perfect a skill so can you just direct your attention at something other than tik tok then you might get good at something!! Results in slammed doors, sulky looks, and generally skulking around. For the record I’m normally someone who restricts social media and internet time but have extended this to make sure contact with friends is free and also I know we are all bored, but I’m seriously contemplating blocking Netflix if she shoots one more dirty look my way if I suggest committing to something productive for more than 20 minutes! On the other hand I feel horrendously guilty about the fact I can’t commit enough time to help her because I’m trying to work from home in an industry that has not took a back seat and I’m constantly attached to a laptop all taking phone calls in the loo because it’s quiet.

On the other hand small children, whilst noisy and shrill at times and having arguments over who stuck a toe up each other’s bum first can be appeased easily. Peppa pig? They will happily draw/paint for hours? Play in the garden? Happily. There are endless things to occupy them with,

Don’t start me on the animals though. The dog has started shitting inside in dirty protest and the cat shins up my back every time I’m on a conference call!

Stay safe guys

Did your teen actually use the words effing hate art??? If so what the hell

A teenager who swears 😨😨😨 golly, inform the village elders.

Pearl clutchers are so funny, BTW the word is FUCKING

FUCKING
FUCKING
FUCKING

Do you need some smelling salts my dear?

Seriously slamming doors and dirty looks on the lady that gave birth to her, hours in pain and fed and looked after her all these years... and she got away with it????

Hana there's something called hormones, and BTW no one owes thanks to their parents for having them, no one asked to be born 🙄 it's quite common for teenagers to be stroppy you know

Seriously woman unclench

I don't own my own teens yet, but I was a secondary teacher- obviously not the same.

The Force has always been strong in DS (9) and I joke that he has finally mutated from being a toddler into a teenager. He needs Minecraft, lots of Minecraft but not too much or he'll start physically lashing out at his younger brother. So he then needs bribes of more Minecraft and food to go for a long walk. His combination of ASD, dyslexia and dyspraxia mean that home educating is like walking through a minefield in the dark, wearing a heavy rucksack in a thunderstorm. He's naturally inclined to be quite teenagery and needs that style of parenting anyway. I feel somewhat prepared for the teenager years ahead and I know what personality type I'll be dealing with.

However, I would not go back to the toddler days. Not for £1m. The meltdowns over apparently nothing were awful. At least I know what apparently random stuff sets him off now. At least a 15 minute errand out of the house does not result in a 3 hour mission because I can just leave him safely in the house.

My other DC is just sunny and while he was a pleasant toddler, he was the energetic, bolter, climber type. Without his brother still being in the depths of the terrible twos at 4, it was tough combination. Do I chase the 2 year old bolter, and leave the 4 year old attempting to dig himself screaming to the Earth's core?

I am so grateful that of all the parenting years that this has occured in, it has fallen at 7 & 9. I even get sleep-ins for the first time in a decade

If they were teenagers over toddlers at least I can fuck off on a very long country walk to retain some dregs of my sanity and leave them to it. Can't do that with toddlers.

My teen and very nearly teen also cook.

I'll have to go back to college a month before our primary school opens, and my teen will go back three weeks after me, no date yet for the younger two.

My nearly 13 year old rather heart breakingly told me not to worry about going back as he'll look after and homeschool our 8 year old! Obviously this isn't an option and I'll probably have to drop out of college (in my final year, thanks ministry of culture) but he genuinely meant it

I remember the liberated sense of joy I got as I dropped my young darlings in nursery and got a blissful 20 minute drive on my own ready for a day of teaching other people's teenagers

And even though there were plenty of arguements over the unfairness of the mobile phone policy, or the trouser policy or the fact that they actually had to do work, at least I knew what the arguements were about and they were conducted in a developed language

Teenager leaves his room, torments the 9yr old, then slinks off back to his stinking pit sniggering. He also tells us or parenting skills of the 9yr old are appalling. So far he's had £50 in fines deducted from his financial award for exams last year. He's currently working on a plan to earn the money back that doesn't require him getting out of bed before 3pm. We've not had a really rough time with him as a teenager as he's rarely conscious when we are.

As I did say it’s a tongue in cheek post.

No my DD did not swear that is my swearing. She would be in trouble for swearing but I can’t vouch for what gets muttered behind slammed doors...

As with all parenting of any age you need to pick your battles and if I had to pull her up on every eye roll purely because I pushed her out of my vagina I would have no time to do anything else.

She is not the spawn of Satan we have good and bad days. Yesterday was a bad day hence the late night post after a couple of gins and a need to vent.

I have suggested we do her art project together today. So wish me luck! I’m going to put on my Mary Poppins act and grin throughout and not utter swear words under my breath. I’m quite good at art as I did it at a level, DD finds it personally offensive that she has not inherited the ability to ‘do’ art. And not that I might have actually practised a fair bit and also spent a lot of time as a stroppy 14 year old throwing pencils at walls and scrunching up hours of work into the bin.

Then I’m going to bribe her with promise of popcorn and move night into some exercise and some time together and leave my partner to referee the small ones.

On another note, if I had vote who is more testing, small children, teenager or partner? Then partner wins hands down. He’s taken to wandering around the house with a drill ‘fixing’ things which don’t need fixing, digging holes in the garden for reasons I daren’t ask, living off a diet of bacon and beer and wine producing horrendous smells out of his arse!

Thank god for wine

I'd vote for dh as well. Although to be fair, boredom has induced a sort of interest in the garden and tidying the shed. Teenager reckons my parenting skills of dh aren't up to scratch either.

This period is difficult for any parent but anyone who is saying teenagers are harder has forgotten just how much work it is when your kids physically can't do anything for themselves - the 3 meals, the snacks, getting them dressed, the entertaining the bath, bedtime, waking through the night. It is literally relentless during the week and I am currently hiding in the bedroom for a break for 5 mins as my husband is not working today.

I have 3 dc - 5, 2 and 6 mo, I am meant to be starting home schooling with the eldest next week which the school is expecting us to sit with them for the whole day, which is obviously not going to be possible. Sorry but in the same situation teens should be able to learn pretty independently and be able to fix themselves breakfast and a sandwich for lunch. It's really not comparable, eve with all the emotional outbursts.

@ArriettyJones well put!

Teenagers have totally different needs, mostly emotional it seems to me. Their peer group can be far more important and influential than a parent at times and being separated from that can be hard. Young kids need a lot of entertainment, and pre teens aren't that self sufficient but don't really want to play games etc.
I have a 14 year old in year10. I do not have the problem you do (very focussed and academically competitive), but my son (now 16) was like your daughter. Thing is you just have to step back. She has to find her own way and passions. You can't live her life or take her exams for her. Trying to make her interested in stuff is just not going to work. Boredom may bring out some creative thinking on her part. And don't feel guilty- she's old enough to understand what is going on out there and that you need to work. But you aren't working 24/7 so is there some time you can do a new activity with her? Like learn how to bake a cake or both clean out a kitchen cupboard or ask her to give you a fashion show of all her outfits with the aim of decluttering her wardrobe? Something that doesn't have the goal of anything other than spending time together. She may open up a bit. At the very least you will have some quality time together.

Imo teenagers are harder emotionally. I haven't got teens yet. I have a preteen who is moody and really irritated. Every night she becomes sweet again, shows me her drawings, will have a cuddle for an hour. I'd say within a year she'll stop the cuddles.
We had a beautiful relationship until she hit 10, I'm holding on for the comeback in about 6 years.

18,17,15,5 and 3 here.
There all as bad as each other and equally annoying.

I'm not getting the teenagers are harder bit either. Eldest is up, showered and ready for work in an hour, youngest, well I think he's still breathing, but he's not made an appearance yet.

If they become a pain during the day when we are working (they don't), a quick "bugger off, leave us alone we are working" does the trick.

I have a friend who has both teens and a nearly two year old. She says that while the teens are trickier in lots of ways it makes her laugh when her teens' friends parents compare the teens and the toddler because they've clearly forgotten having a toddler - e.g. multiple people said to her when he was a newborn 'oh, you get more sleepless nights waiting up for teens than with a baby, don't you?' and she just laughed!

Haven't rtft but in my experience teens are very similar to toddlers but with a larger vocabulary and more grooming products

oh, give me teenagers any day over littlies in a lockdown! Hats off to the parents of toddlers and young kids - I would have really struggled.

normal I think it's a bit much telling parents who've got teens, and therefore have had small children, that they have forgotten what small children are like. They may have, but they also have an experience that you haven't yet had so they may have more of an insight.

I agree with those saying it very much depends on the kids in question. I agree of course that small children are physically dependent on their parents but some teens go through awful moods and difficulties that take up an awful lot of parental head space even when ten in question is elsewhere.

Mine are 10 and 13 and, while they can be left to their own devices for extended periods, the younger one in particular will not self-regulate mindless screen-based activities in that scenario, leaving me feeling guilty about doing my job. Finding activities we can all do together is a challenge - they have completely different taste in films and ds2 is monumentally stubborn and won't watch much that he hasn't already seen. Some boardgames are rejected out of hand and others lead to massive arguments. Both happy to do school work luckily and some chores but I wouldn't say it's easy. I'll see comments on here about teens and think that's like mine and then remember ds2 is only 10 and feel guilty...

Oh lord, my two teenage boys are a breeze. I can cope with grunts and screen time. I love their company. They are their mates are hilarious. Much, much easier than the toddler years.

I've cried more over teenagers than small children

This fills me with fear. I can remember my mother crying over my teenage sister’s dramas way back when. Nothing terrible looking back but the emotional fallout was significant. As the youngest, I had to tread on eggshells for years.

I still have one very little one and I could literally squeeze the life out of her (I don’t) she is so cuddly and adorable. I frequently think how bereft I’ll be when they’ve left this stage behind. I will NOT miss the whining, the military-style departures from the house, the waking up at dawn, the bed-wetting etc

But I will miss the beautiful, unconditional love.

I would rather have 10 toddlers than teenagers.

I like teenagers and have had great relationships with friends' kids during their teenage years and beyond. If it was possible to give birth to 14-year olds, I might have had kids.

When a friend had some serious health issues, her 15 year old came and lived with me for a few months. Another friend's daughter disclosed her cocaine use and self-harming to me, rather than her parents, and I supported her to get the help she needed. I'm still close to both of them and they're well into their 30s.

I can't be doing with under-5s though, I just don't get them.

Can I just add the stress of teenager examples:

Emotionally much harder - you cant make them feel better with a cuddle

When they go out at night you cant sleep with worry , will they be back ok, what if something happens

Alcohol and drug risks
Falling in with 'the wrong crowd'

They have their own ideas and clash with you

The disagreements and can be downright rude sometimes

They sleep in far too late and waste the day!

Family outings are so much harder

Mood swings

You cant use the naughty step anymore

!!!

I have a baby and a teen. Teen is stroppy, storms off, wants to be on YouTube constantly, goes from sweet and cuddly to 'I hate you' in 30 seconds. Refuses to call friends but is miserable without the contact.

Baby is physically tiring with all the lifting, bathing, rocking, settling. But he also smiles, giggles, cuddles and is happy to see me!
Baby is easier!

I gave birth a couple of days ago and have a toddler so things were always going to be hard in this period and lockdown has certainly made things trickier than they might have been. I have no idea whether my children would be easier as teenagers in this situation. Hopefully I would be getting some more sleep and obviously I’m recovering physically from labour and my own hormonal ups and downs, but on the other hand there would be no newborn snuggles. But I could have done with the support of my mum, that would have helped.

I have teen, very nearly teen and pre teen of my own, but posts about crying over teens make me uneasy for a different reason.

I absolutely know it's me projecting, but my own mother was/ is one of those who uses tears and emotional blackmail to ensure everything goes her way or make others apologise even when it's transparently obvious she was in the wrong. This behaviour kicked in when I hit puberty at 11 and didn't stop until a massive confrontation in my early 30s (none of us had ever properly confronted her by naming her tactic and not backing down before, it was very much taboo within the family).

So my heckles rise when people talk about crying over teens as though it proves something how hard the teens are. That's not always what it proves, though my mother said the same. The reason we were difficult was because we had our own opinions and wanted to do things like stop attending church or at least stop going up for communion, not get confirmed and be open about not believing what our parents believed, not take the expected subjects at school, not like the same Sunday teatime television and dare to watch top of the pops (showing my age) or a soap. Etc. Those things weren't actually difficult she just didn't like them...