Would you want people visiting / cuddling your newborn?

[ImNotKaren]

Baby due in a few weeks, looking like lockdown may have finished in its current form but probably with restrictions. My MIL has already said she'll be visiting as soon as it's born. Also hearing similar sentiments from her other children (DH siblings) that they can't wait to meet the baby, give it a cuddle etc. It doesn't seem to have occurred to any of them that this might be an issue at the moment.

I'm nervous and feel uncomfortable about the idea. I'm not even sure if I will want anyone to cuddle the baby or even come within close proximity.

AIBU?

My dd friend just had a baby. Lives within a walk away so they phoned ahead and the dad held the baby up at the window as dd and fiancé took daily exercise.

That's the only visiting that's going to happen atm.

In fairness to the grandparents, I don't get the impression that they're planning on breaking the lockdown rules. More that they're assuming visiting will be allowed by then, and so of course they're going to want to see their new grandchild. And I can't blame them for that, nor blame OP for not wanting visitors.

Hopefully the rules in place at the time will mean OP doesn't have to have a row with them.

Hour baby is due in June by which time this could have blown over. If we are still in lockdown by then, the same rules apply in that people of different households should not be mixing. I would avoid getting stressed about this yet. Ser how things go and if we are still in lockdown tackle it then. If we are not in lockdown and you are still uncomfortable about everyone coming to see your newborn, fair enough, you can tackle that then too. For now try to enjoy the last few weeks of your pregnancy x

*your

My grandson was born a couple of weeks ago it’s hell not being able to go and see him but that’s what you have to do.
I think your dh is talking sense, see what the advice is in June and take it from there.

Give them a break. They're excited for you, they're excited to have a new member of the family, and they're trying to be optimistic.
What they're saying now doesn't mean that they plan to go against any advice that's in place when the baby actually arrives.

Life's tough for everyone. Let them have their something to look forward to. There's no need to slap them down now. When you're close to delivery date you'll be given medical advice on this which you can use as the reason, and which they will hopefully respect.

Babies don't seem to suffer. Should be fine IMHO

OP may be the most vulnerable if she's a few days/weeks post partum. We all caught (probably) CV a few weeks ago, the 8 week old just had a cough and a blocked nose but I was in bed for a week and spent a few days short of breath.

No no no. It's sad bit probably not until there is a vaccine or at least until the antibody test is reliable and available

I have a baby and wasn't worried but read this a couple of weeks ago, it looks like younger babies are the most vulnerable out of all children. YABU to restrict visiting if there are still risks, I'm assuming that when we do come out of lockdown they will still be at least some restrictions on socialising until we get a vaccine. I get why they want to see the baby as it's such as special time but the baby's health is the most important thing.

www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2020/mar/23/scientists-effects-coronavirus-children-studies-carriers

"Severe and critical diseases, where body oxygen levels are low and various organs are under threat, were seen in around 5% of the children studied, with the youngest (under one year old) most at risk. There are still significant gaps in this analysis. Importantly, most of these were suspected rather than confirmed Covid-19 cases. But this study does at least reaffirm that most infections in children are mild."

@Sceptre86, the virus won't have gone. We might be out of lock down but people will start to become infected and we will still get deaths, until a vaccine is found.

OP, put your foot down. They can see the baby through the window for at least a few weeks.

The youngest to have died with Covid is 29 days old, in the US. The issue with newborns is sepsis. They stand a better chance the older that they are.

People need to assume they are infectious or if they struggle, pretend they have chicken pox, when dealing with newborns.

At the very least they put masks on.

When my first was born my mil and fil came round the next day and stayed for ages, it was awful tbh. I was tired and emotional and just wanted to cry. I didn’t want them holding my baby.
Anyway had my second 7 months ago and I said no visitors for at least 5 days ( apart from my parents) and it was much better. I felt better in my self and ready for people to come.
Be firm, I know they are properly excited and want to meet baby. I would just say we will let you know when we want visitors and feel ready. If they do visit and it gets to much just say I need to feed baby and go to your bedroom.
I use to hate mil and fil holding my newborns no idea why it use to make me feel so uncomfortable.
Good luck

"see what the advice is in June"

From a government who let it take a hold on the population? Then didn't equip our front liners with needed equipment and is now fudging questions and making excuses? Transport is a mess, we are squeezed on, rather than being able to be spaced out. Their decision making is all over the place.

I've lost a lot of respect for Chris Whitty and Valance, as well as other science experts. They are coming out with rhetoric to suit the government's mess.

I wouldn't even be bothering to have a discussion with them, just no when the time comes.

I use to hate mil and fil holding my newborns no idea why it use to make me feel so

@Happywith2 do you have parents? If so, we're they allowed to visit you and were you happy for them to hold your babies?

I'm surprised it hasn't occurred to my MIL or the rest of the family.

To be fair to her maybe she just hasn’t thought about it. She may just assume, like may that things will be “back to normal” by June. So I think your dh needs to start pointing out that you’re making no plans at all at the moment and will wait and see what things are like when the baby is born.

@Happywith2 sorry, I skimmed your post. You only allowed your own parents to visit? Do you not understand that the grandchild is equally important to the other set of grandparents? How did your husband feel about his parents being second best?

Corona virus will still be around in June so no i wouldn't. Your baby so what you say goes. My front line nurse auntie hasn't met my cousins baby yet and she's 6 weeks old and lives 5 minutes away. It's hard for her to not meet her granddaughter but she said herself she would never forgive herself if she carried the virus into her daughters house. None of us will visit until its safe to do so. Tell them to wait there's a lifetime of cuddles to be had

Definitely not unreasonable. If you’re uncomfortable then no. Babies are vulnerable at the best of times never mind without Covid. Few people seem to make the point that even if coronavirus doesn’t affect the baby badly, other diseases and germs are still out there. The nhs is going to be under strain for some time, why risk any germs or diseases entering your home? It won’t be forever but sensible for a few months. My baby is 6 months and I’m still going to feel nervous around people, will probably avoid contact for as long as possible. You’re the mother, do what you’re comfortable with!

@saraclara they use to hold my babies and I never stopped them, it just made me feel uncomfortable, no idea why and never said anything about this to husband as didn’t want to upset him. It was only the really newborn stage.

Anyway had my second 7 months ago and I said no visitors for at least 5 days ( apart from my parents)

My PIL would've been devastated not to meet DD if my parents had. They are all equally her grandparents after all. Actually, PIL met her first as they popped into the ward quickly and then took DH for a meal in the canteen while my parents had a longer visit.

We're all going to have difficult decisions to make. If there isn't a vaccine for 18 months, life will have to resume to some extent before that. My parents and PIL are lovely, reasonable people but there's no way they would be willing to postpone meeting a new grandchild until they were a walking, talking toddler, or avoid toddler DD until she's nearly ready for school. I'm not saying OP's relatives should be expecting to meet a new grandchild in June, but expecting them to wait until there's a vaccine isn't reasonable either.

Yabu, but I would say lets wait and see what the advice is nearer the birth. And obviously no one can visit other than healthcare professionals if mil cant.

It's not about asking strangers whether you are being unreasonable. The fact you feel nervous and uncomfortable is your answer. Tell you partner to simply tell his family that no one is to see the baby till things are a bit better as you both don't want him at any risk. If your feelings change later (which suddenly they might) then by all means allow it. I was a total push over before my baby (5 months ago) and when uncomfortable about things I would struggle (hoping not to offend others) buuuuut now I say it as it for his sake and don't care.

Yanbu. To clarify my OP, the baby is due around 20th June so not imminently but at the same time not that long to go

I’m due a week before you and I’ll be taking things extremely cautiously for a good while after restrictions are lifted. By that I mean, staying at home, no visitors, and waiting to see what happens with CV cases once people are on the loose again. Stand your ground, this is one of the most important decisions you’ll make as a mother. Make sure OH is on the same page as you and don’t take any bull from anyone who had other ideas. Good luck x

@MindyStClaire they were fine and actually said they would not visit for a few days. My mum mainly came and helped to look after a very jealous 3 year old ( sadly pil are not physical well enough to help with child care)

It doesn't matter what the advice is in June.

The 'Advice' is based on what's best for the economy country as a whole,taking everything into account

What's BEST for an individual is NOT the same thing.

So little is known about C-19, even if the baby only gets it mildly it could have long term effects on their health.

Everyone's priority should be the baby's health, not who wants a sodding cuddle FFS.