Would you want people visiting / cuddling your newborn?

[ImNotKaren]

Baby due in a few weeks, looking like lockdown may have finished in its current form but probably with restrictions. My MIL has already said she'll be visiting as soon as it's born. Also hearing similar sentiments from her other children (DH siblings) that they can't wait to meet the baby, give it a cuddle etc. It doesn't seem to have occurred to any of them that this might be an issue at the moment.

I'm nervous and feel uncomfortable about the idea. I'm not even sure if I will want anyone to cuddle the baby or even come within close proximity.

AIBU?

Lockdown may well not be over by then. Your DH needs to be firm for you. Tell them they can't meet the baby unlesd and until you feel it's safe. If they're insisting and are not taking no for an answer you'll have to get a cough, so that's two weeks, then DH can get one, then the baby, by which time we'll be back in lockdown again. Oh and they'll have to self isolate for two weeks before and after.

I never really understand these threads saying 'MIL says she's going to do this' just tell her no! Or even better get hubby to do it.

Even if lockdown has lifted by then, we will probably still have strict social distancing rules so whether she can come or not is not her decision to make, or even yours at the moment.

Best of luck I've got my own MIL from hell, the earlier boundaries are put in place the better.

Yanbu. Even if lockdown is over it would be wise to be cautious. There is no way I would want anyone cuddling my newborn. I’m worrying about my family/in laws wanting to cuddle my six month old when lockdown ends!

YANBU
I know someone, who has met their recent gc. But is self isolating and hasn’t been in contact with others. It isn’t allowed but under the circumstances they will pose an incredibly small risk. Bottom line, you are the parents and get to choose.

I’m due any day now and our families won’t be meeting the baby until at least mid June (following the 12 weeks shielding advice). My midwife specifically said to do this and has asked at both of my last appointments if I plan to isolate the baby from extended family. Although there is a minimal risk she said there were concerns about pneumonia and sepsis in newborns catching the virus so they’re advising women to be cautious. She also said to review it at the end of the 12 weeks as it will still be a concern.

My MIL is out and about every other day, I told her she is not visiting the baby anytime soon, harsh but fair, not gonna let her expose my newborn to danger just because she is an idiot who needs to go shopping for one thing a day...

Just say no.

Not sure why it's so hard.

Not a chance would I allow it

Seconded.

I think the danger to the newborn is probably quite minimal but the danger to you as a post partum woman might be quite high. I have a 6 week old baby and lost a lot of blood during delivery. Wouldn't want to risk getting covid now! It hurts just to walk sometimes let alone cough all day

Hell no! I wasn't a super-protective new Mum (I had a c-section and my parents visited us in the hospital when DD was a few hours old and my MIL, FIL and SIL the next day) but in this climate no way! For you as much as your baby. You need to rope your DH into putting his foot down with his family.

Depends on the timings. If your MiL has been shielding all the time, she'd probably be quite safe. But then you'd need to worry about passing it on to her. Likewise, if you have other children and they are back at school/nursery by then, then it would be perverse to keep your MiL away.

I think you do need to think quite carefully about your rationale. Is it no visitors whilst newborn, or no visitors until - what exactly?

Even if we're not in lockdown well still be doing "social distancing" - no cuddles for anyone least of all a newborn! We won't be really free until we've all had the vaccine

You have to do what you feel comfortable with, and your DH needs to back you up on this.

I'm in a similar position. If the lockdown is over by then and there's more individual discretion allowed, I might ask close family who want to meet the baby in the first month to self isolate for 14 days in advance as a condition. But I might feel differently closer to the time.

YANBU. I'm due the same time as you and nobody except DD and DH are going near the baby for a good while until we're all out of this, except possibly my mum as she will look after DD while I'm in hospital and is going to self-isolate for two weeks beforehand so she can do that. (Quite frankly, I don't trust PIL to do the same thing.)

Really? No , no,no, no......

god no.

i was funny about visitors anyhow, even pre corona virus!

absolutely no visitors OP, if they refuse to listen , lock the door and tell them how selfish they are

I'm not particularly risk averse and even I think potentially exposing a newborn to Corona is a bad idea!

It's a little way off, just give them a hmm let's see how things are, and avoid getting into arguments about it at this point!

YANBU. I'm due in May. Family that don't live in my household will not be visiting my household.

I had complications with my first DC and was in hospital for a week. If the same happens again, I may need to isolate with the new baby before moving back home with my family. I will be heartbroken to be apart from my first DC, but I would much rather he is safe in the long run than risk passing on a life threatening virus. Your in inlaws need to consider this too. If they are totally isolating (no shopping trips or daily walks) then probably ok, but if you aren't comfortable, they should respect that and that should be the end of the conversation.

Not a chance.

I'm due end July, my friend is due just before you as she's 7 wks ahead of me. Not sure what kind of restrictions we'll still be under tbh, could be as is currently or lifted slightly (but still risky for newborn with developing immune system!). We been talking about this too.

Despite family desperation for cuddles, baby's safety will be being put first and no-one will be telling me or DH what's happening - we'll be telling them based on hospital advice. Any risk and it will sadly have to be video calls whether we all like it or not.

Put your foot down OP - your baby, your rules. Always!

My best friend who I've known all my life and is like a sister to me has her baby 6 days ago, there's no way I'd be pushing to see him. His safety is far more important than my needs x

Nobody from outside of our household would be coming to visit my newborn. Can't believe the audacity of the people who are actually suggesting this to you to be honest.

Absolutely not. Stand your ground.

Reading with interest, I'm due at the start of July so hopefully things will have relaxed a little but I'm sure there'll still be plenty of restrictions in place.

Tbh, my concerns are more around me or the baby picking it up in the hospital and passing it to our parents than them infecting the baby. They're much higher risk than anyone in this household, and are being as careful as they can because of that. Might ask them to wait a fortnight (if visiting is allowed) to reduce that risk - but if DD's nursery is open again we'll be sending her so I wouldn't want to expose them to that risk either.

I really feel for anyone expecting their first at the minute. Our parents don't live near us, and all ended up staying in the same hotel the night DD was born, wetting her head. They took turns visiting in hospital, the photos popped up in my memories the other day and they all look so happy holding her.

It’s so fascinating that people don’t get it!!
I never ceased to be amazed by the ignorance or entitlement of others.
I’m pleased your husband is supportive.
Good luck.