to be a bit gutted about all the things I won't be able to do with my 18 month old?

[caradelvigna]

I'll start by saying I completely understand why lockdown is necessary and I am not complaining about it. It doesn't stop me however from being gutted about all the things I won't be able to do with my son. He's only 18 months old. We had a holiday booked and two festivals (one of which is specifically designed for kids). It's such a special age and amazing for their development. I am 100% sure he has no idea what's going on and he is perfectly happy. I've just felt a bit tearful today. Partly because this situation is so awful and I have terrible anxiety, and partly because I'm sad me and my son will lose out on lots of experiences at the lovely age he is now. In guessing most things will be in lockdown for the foreseeable future. Really struggling with him at home and realising that the silver lining is that we will appreciate things so much more when this is over. Is anyone else feeling the same?

Oh and he was due to start nursery and now won't be going and I feel he is missing out and wonder will he go straight to school now and what will happen.

You sound like a lovely mum. I bet he's having a great time with you.

I made my 17 months old son a whole heap worse by having DD. We barely left the house for months after (she was ill and in and out of hospital and I had PND). 12 years later he's a happy (within normal parameters) preteen.

I understand why you feel sad - but it will be fine.

My 16yo dd has missed out on GCSEs. She is desperately missing her friends and boyfriend. She's had to give up her part time job, and the money she would have earned. She had plans for festivals, trips with friends, last term at school - all gone. She's up till 2am every night FaceTiming friends and is almost nocturnal...

I'm worried about the effect on her mh if this continues.

Toddler age is ideal for lockdown as it will have no effect on their lives at all.

However, it will be much harder on you in some ways than having a teen on lockdown. At least your dc will go to bed earlier! But try not to worry - your dc won't realise they're missing out.

And you sound like a great mum. Must be hard work doing it all yourself. Am sure your dc is loving having you to himself and you're doing a great job!

He's 18 months. He wont remember.

In all honesty, I think one year olds and babies are oblivious so it is probably the best age for lockdown for them (trying to work with them is obviously just shit). It is very hard for you though and of course there will be things that make you sad to be missing. I think you have to try and frame it that you’ll have the chance to do fun things when there is more chance of remembering them. At 18m he wouldn’t have remembered the festivals and may have actually been overwhelmed (I say this as my eldest sobbed inconsolably on Christmas morning at 18m old as she was so overwhelmed by presents).

My 3 year old is finding lockdown extremely hard and I’ve had to focus on her really. She’s missing her friends and nursery and is v emotional. I feel sad that she not getting the 1:1 time with my 13m old that I wanted but she doesn’t know any different and is probably happier at home than being carted around after her sister. The little ones are just happy being with you and there will be plenty of time to have adventures with them in the future.

Yanbu, it's hard, and sad as a parent to miss out on the fun of taking them places.
However, it is not going to go on forever. In a few more weeks things will be relaxed enough to go back to some more normal activities, and socialising.

OP I feel the same, I feel like being at home with us and not in daycare will somehow stunt her (I know deep down this is just me projecting but I can’t help it). My dd loves creche and being with other DC and it breaks my heart when she’s constantly asking to go out because she’s not used to being at home for this amount of time.

We take her for a lovely walk every day without fail, do arts and crafts and normally a baking project with her. Even then I don’t feel like it’s enough though and I worry.

We were lucky to have holidayed just before lockdown in the US but we’d planned a further trip in June and we were also planning South Africa in August. We will postpone and go at a later date.

I have both teenagers and a 20month old and it’s a lot easier for the 20month old. He’s just very happy to be in and out of the garden, playing with his cars and watching The Wiggles! Make your own memories with him at home

It's interesting those that refer to experiences not being at all important. Our community paediatrician made a point of suggesting we go to as many groups and different places as possible for development.

I don't think two or three months will be detrimental but longer might.

My little one is nearly 16 months. She’s so so happy at home but I feel sad she’s missing nursery (she adored nursery), playgroup, playdates, family visits and our big summer holiday. I get it.

It is a bit gutting OP. Life is harder without having specific things to look forward to. Although to be fair in the normal run of things kids/life will often through spanners in works just as you are off on your dream trip. My dd was illl and asleep the whole weekend when we took her to Disney. Memories were not made.

So give yourself a break as it sounds like you are a great mum.

My dd has just turned 2 and is loving life! She adores having her dad around more. We live in a flat so don’t have masses of space but honestly, at this age, they really just need us. All those experiences you’ve planned sound lovely but she won’t get much more out of them than she would having a good old play in the garden with you.

I’m a teacher and I was always amazed (before I had kids) how many kids would come back from holidays and say their favourite thing was being able to spend time with their mum and dad. And I predominately taught year 6.

Is this your first child? In retrospect, 18 months is one of my least favourite times for bringing my kids anywhere. Lots of motion and absolutely no sense makes for a stressful time! But I guess everyone if different.

And I agee that my 18 month olds would enjoy having mum around more than any particular experience.

@GalaxyEggs not taking your children to groups is not detrimental to their development. Just as children not attending nursery is not detrimental to their development. As long as you are providing a range of experiences for communicating and developing their fine and gross motor skills at home, they will be just fine (and by that I don’t mean planning a regime of 25 different daily activities a day, I mean sitting down and playing duplo with them).

YABU, 18 month olds don't need to be going to holidays and festivals. 18 year olds yes, they'll miss out but not 18 month olds. The world is an incredible place when you're a toddler, a walk round the corner to look at some flowers with a bee on them will fill them with the same amazing sense of wonder. They aren't going to be sitting at home thinking 'fuck this, wish I was at toddlerfest 2020'

It’s only been 4 weeks so far, this is not going to be detrimental on the development of an 18 month old unless it goes on much much longer. It’s only you missing out on these things, not them. When they are older you will look back & understand this - they won’t even remember any trips.

I do understand it’s very hard for you, it’s a challenging time and relentless really, but Peppa pig world etc (which didn't even exist when my teens were wee) will still be there when we come out of this & he will remember it and enjoy it much more as he gets older.

Its ok to be disappointed OP. I don't think posters are trying to say it could be worse to trump your experience but more to reassure you that your little one will be fine.
Its much harder for parents when the children are that age. I really do sympathise. Its just utterly shit and we are allowed to be disappointed in the small stuff. The 'things' we have on our calendar that add joy to our lives. I'm missing my holiday (like many) and I feel like crying about it. I also feel really upset about not seeing my parents and I'm really worried about becoming really ill and my children being left with no one to look after them.
We are allowed to feel disappointment about whatever we want.

I have a teenager and a young baby. I am equally worried about them both but for different reasons.
My teen is just spending most of his days in his bed. I fear that getting him back into education will be hard work.
I worry about my baby and the bonds that they should be making with family. They spend all day every day with me and only see their brother at meal times and dad at bedtime. Before lockdown we would visit my mum, my siblings, nieces and nephews, friends etc.

It’s really tough. I have a 4 year old (who on the whole seems very happy) and a 6 week old who is getting soo big- makes me feel really sad his grandparents can’t see him and have a hold as the don’t stay tiny newborns forever and he is getting bigger and changing so much every week.

Big Hug.

I know he won't remember but I will

That's the point really isn't it! YOU are missing out on experiences YOU wanted to have with him at THIS age. You're allowed to be sad about that 😢🌷

I see a lot of young families around and I do feel very sorry for them, this time in their newborn/toddlers lives not being how they planned it IS sad.

Children will be different because of it, you can't dispute that, all of our experiences shape us, whether we actively remember them or not. For some kids it will be for the better, but others not. But that's really not the point if your thread, you know DS will be fine! You're allowed to be sad for you 🌷

@caradelvigna
So how have you managed?
I remember posting that it would be easier for you with a toddler as I have teens.
but it's not been two bad have hade to nag a bit with the homework and hygiene standards have dropped but overall not as bad as I expected although they will now be at home till September😭😭