to be a bit gutted about all the things I won't be able to do with my 18 month old?

[caradelvigna]

I'll start by saying I completely understand why lockdown is necessary and I am not complaining about it. It doesn't stop me however from being gutted about all the things I won't be able to do with my son. He's only 18 months old. We had a holiday booked and two festivals (one of which is specifically designed for kids). It's such a special age and amazing for their development. I am 100% sure he has no idea what's going on and he is perfectly happy. I've just felt a bit tearful today. Partly because this situation is so awful and I have terrible anxiety, and partly because I'm sad me and my son will lose out on lots of experiences at the lovely age he is now. In guessing most things will be in lockdown for the foreseeable future. Really struggling with him at home and realising that the silver lining is that we will appreciate things so much more when this is over. Is anyone else feeling the same?

Yeah, I feel you. My 15 month-old is at that lovely age of toddling, when they can't walk well enough to go for a walk, but it's lovely to take them to the park and let them waddle about and explore. I'm missing being able to do simple things like that (and for my four year old too but in a different way).
I miss the toddle groups we used to go to. I just miss the variety!
I don't think the children are particularly bothered, but it's getting to me a bit!

I think I made it clear in my OP that it was me that was feeling a bit low, not my toddler.

Assuming that you'd be back at work under normal circumstances, why not focus on the things you can do with him?

I am 100% focussing on him, trying to keep him entertained, messy play, long walks, dancing, etc etc. I'm loving spending time with him but missing the childminder and family members visiting (and helping out because he also drives me insane at times 😅).

Tough isn’t it? I have an 18 month old too. She is changing so much at the moment, her speech is coming on, her physical-ness, lots of things. And I’m sad that her immediate family are the only ones to see it. When we’re released she will have changed so much.

I’m trying desperately not to think about the things she’s missing as it’s quite obvious she is loving being around us all the time, which is great.

I also have two older ones, which makes life different. She’s definitely the best off of the three for getting through this.

It’s sad and horrible, and there are no prizes for who has it worst. But there will always be “firsts” even if they’re later than we would have liked.

I understand OP. And just because a young child doesn't remember something doesn't mean it isn't important, developmentally or otherwise.

These race to the bottom posts on every thread are making it very hard for people to get any kind of support (but I suppose only those in the very worst positions are allowed to speak their minds.)

I’m a bit gutted that we’ll have to pay for DS next time her gets on a plane now!

I hear you op and it's normal to be sad. Yes of course toddlers are happy anywhere and won't remember, but I had a lot of fun with mine at that age. They are 6 and 8 and enjoy looking at pics and videos of themselves when they were younger.

Pros and cons at every age - we are all missing out.

Yes I was so excited about the whole summer with my toddler and his new baby sister! Where we live it snows all winter (to the extent that we can’t really go outside for months) and it had only just started to melt when we went into lockdown.

I completely get it. DD is 8 months and I took an extra 2 months maternity leave which is now up in May. I had so many fun things planned for those 2 months, none of which is now happening obviously. Yes I know it makes no difference to her at all and yes I know perfectly well this is minor in the grand scheme of things. I'm still allowed to feel down about it though, and I do.

It's hard isn't it, thankfully he won't remember it, although I know we will. DS is 18 months and I do feel for him, but also thankful we can largely stay at home. I am sure you are doing great and as has been said at least at this age they are usually easily entertained. He loves playing with plastic plates and cups for some reason, and seems to be coping okay!

I have utter sympathy for parents of small children think this must be so hard for them and thankful mine older. But don’t feel sorry for the kids themselves they are babies and everyone posting obviously devoted mothers so they will be absolutely fine. It’s the mental health of mothers isolated with pre schoolers that worried me

Hard for you

For him he really wont notice
He wont care or remember
It s no big deal from his point of view

unless you let your anxiety impact him.
Save your anxious times for when he sleeps.

@mstswift I tried to make it obvious in my post that I wasn't worried about my son. Thank you for realising how hard it is. I am a lone parent, dad not on the scene as he was abusive (that's a whole other thread). Was just getting my confidence back and I am back to feeling like a crappy mum again. Bring stuck at home makes me feel useless. And knackered. Trying not to let PND slip back. Thank God at least I am not with my ex anymore as I would've been trapped with him. I realise it could be so much worse!

@caradelvigna I understand! My 19 month old is happy but I'm sad he's not socialising with other children at the moment, that's what bothers me most. Have a four month old too but he's too little for my toddler to play with yet. People say they don't remember stuff, which is true, but all those early experiences still impact on their development. Like you I fully understand the reason for lockdown, try so hard to count my blessings and realise it could be a lot worse, but some days are really really tough.

I feel you OP. My DD is a lot younger but I feel like she is missing out on the sensory groups and seeing grandparents etc. Before I know it, it'll be back to work for me and we won't have done any special things together
I'm sure your DS is just enjoying having you at home with him!
Let's just hope that we can have a bit of normality before Summer is over.

Hope you are ok x

You are an amazing mum OP, you are thinking of him and worried which in these circumstances is understandable; and it is bloody hard. But he has you, that's all he needs for now.

And just because a young child doesn't remember something doesn't mean it isn't important, developmentally or otherwise.

An 18 month old is not missing out on anything developmentally because of lockdown.

Time with relatives is probably the only thing of any note.

Stuff like Peppa Pig world is neither here nor there. It’s more for the parents at that age. They really are equally happy with very simple things.

I think my son is having a different developmental experience but isn't necessarily missing out. It's actually quite interesting as well as frustrating. He was finally comfortable with the childminder, we had cut down on breastfeeding, he was getting more confident around people, going to toddler dance etc. It feels like a step backwards but also has positives aka he has more one on one time with me. So I agree, it's a different developmental experience, rather than a negative one. Child psychology is really interesting. It's incredible how much of a person's personality is formed before the age of 2!

I think my son is having a different developmental experience but isn't necessarily missing out.

You’re clearly a very engaged parent and I suspect he’s benefitting more than you even realise.

DH and i were just discussing how DS2s language has come on since he’s been at home.

Don’t get me wrong, he’s going right back to nursery when this is over, but I actually think lock down is a net positive result for him. Being around us 24/7 outweighs any of the negatives.

I know it’s tough on you. Water play is a big hit in this house, would that work? I’d also get an tablet/kindle and download some of those baby app things they have. Worth a try.

I get it OP. My DS is 6 months and I'm gutted that our spring/summer is spoilt, even though all he cares about is his next bottle.

Experiences as a parent are so important and it's rubbish that we're missing them.

I've had to cancel my wedding and two holidays, but I'm not too bothered about that. They can be rearranged. But we'll never get this time with our children back.

It's hard going OP I have a DS who's just turned 3 and a DD who's 1yrs old .

My DS has gone from going to pre school three days a week to now nothing.

Our local council has closed all the parks and country walks to stop everyone going there so we are reduced to walking round the blasted streets which I guess we should be lucky but I'm getting sick and tired of it now so much I miss going to the local park for a walk I'm missing nice nature walks beaches.

We were suppose to take my DS as a birthday treat on a steam train ride over Easter but that got cancelled

We are trying so much to keep them both happy and occupied but they get days where they are fractious.

I miss my parents brother and normally by now we would have all gone to see them all in west wales but can't.

I'm glad for FaceTime as it's made speaking and seeing everyone much easier.

My DH is off work so that's also another blessing in that they have both of us here

We were due to go on our first family holiday to Disneyland Paris in May but that's been moved to November and even then it's likely it won't go ahead

I'm glad my DS and DD have one another because at least they have each other's company

I just keep praying and hoping we won't get covid 19 or anyone I love dearly and also pray that a vaccine is found quickly to ensure so normality can resume once again

'I would be grateful he’s 18 months.
He won’t remember any of it and at that age you are his world so can make his world magical without leaving home.
It’s harder with older children.'

This ^

It isn't easy for any age. My 3 year old keeps asking to go to places he has been before and doesnt understand why. I think if he was older he would understand there is a virus at least and why he cant go.

I think at 18 months, days out and activities are more for parents, to break the monotony of looking after a toddler, than for the toddler themselves, as they're just as happy pottering around and getting up to mischief at home. That doesnt mean you can't be upset that they've been cancelled, but it does mean that it wont have any ill effect whatsoever

My under 2 year old is loving lockdown. She seems super happy to be home all the time and is loving pottering in the garden, bug hurting, going for little walks and playing with her siblings. She seems to be much happier compared with our usual routine of being out and about a lot. She's a great age for this- though as PP have said, WFH with her about is a right pain!!