To think there is something fundamentally wrong with a man who walks out after a month affair..

[thehighstool]

After twenty years?
Leaving a shocked wife and devastated young children?
When family life while not easy but was functioning and enjoyable , where all the man's needs were met and enabled often to the sacrifice of everyone else?
Where two of the children had mild additional needs?
Is there something missing in that persons character? The lack of empathy/ love/ respect?
Thanks for reading. Trying to make sense of it all.

Well it wasn't a great sign for his character that he had the affair in the first place. Perhaps not his first.

Its called selfishcuntitus

Don't try and make sense, just enjoy your freedom.

Yes. Normal, well adjusted, kind people don’t do this.

So sorry for you.

However, I would brace yourself as you may find out it wasn’t only a month. Not that it makes it any better.

Tbh if he’s put his cock somewhere else I wouldn’t care if it was a month or a year affair, the ow could fucking have him!

There is something wrong with someone who has an affair full stop. No matter how long the affair is. Who knows why people do it lack of respect, fallen out of love, it was exciting take your pick

He probably 'left' a long time ago in his head so to him it feels much longer and he's accepted it, whereas it's a huge unexpected shock for you.

Yes he should have walked away if he wasn't happy before the affair.

I assume it was him that had the affair? Just the title could mean it was the woman.

If it was him, yeah he's a knob head, but that was obvious when he shagged someone else.

Plenty of both sexes leave after an affair.

I don’t think there is something fundamentally wrong with them as you put it, they realise they want more than they currently have or it shows them they aren’t happy.

I disagree with affairs vehemently and think a person should leave if unhappy and have a period of being single before diving into a new relationship and risk repeating the cycle.

He swore to me that he met her after he had made his decision. He crumbled and told me the truth whenI told him that I had unanswered questions and would need to get them from her if he wouldn't be honest and he went mental with me.

What are you more upset about... the fact he walked out or that he had an affair?
He clearly doesn't want to be in the relationship anymore so concentrate on your children and try and make this as easy for them as possible.

She also knew he was married and knew of our family situation.she is also a
Mother .I find it hard to get
My head around that, as a wife/ mother/ human.

Would you rather he stayed even though he wasn't happy?

I am upset that he threw a bomb into our children's lives and shat all over my hopes and dreams while I did everything to try to keep him happy.
I'm Upset that he had an affair when our children and I were struggling without support for endless weeks , as he ' was so busy at work'.
I'm upset and humiliated that he left
Me for another woman. I obviously was not enough for him.

Please don't focus on her, he is the one that betrayed you and your family, not her.
Maybe try and get some counselling to help you work through this?

To you life might of been ok but in his eyes it clearly wasn't. He shouldn't of had an affair but had the guts to tell you he wasn't happy.

To add, he refused discussion or
Any form of counselling. Marriage or
Family counselling. He said that he couldn't be happy in our family, that he wasn't a family man and didn't realise it until now.

So do I op. I can't get why anyone would want someone else who is married or in a relationship. It's a lack of self esteem I guess, or just a lack of compassion for anyone.

But he is the one to be angry at. He is the twat who left you and his kids. If that woman thinks that kind of man is a decent bloke, she's more stupid than she realises.

I am not angry with her. I certainly don't blame her. I am trying to understand why a woman could or would do that knowing what a liar and a cheat he is?

He's not a family man yet is happy to go to another woman who has kids?

OK do they are both thick as pig shit. Let them carry on with their stupidity, you can do better.

Sometimes, I think men enter into affairs so that they have a reason for leaving. They haven't got the bottle to face up/fess up to their own unhappiness, so they hitch it to some poor woman's wagon as a way out of the marriage.

And then a few months or a year or two later, they leave the OW and take up the single life, move on again or, occasionally, realise that the grass isn't greener and go back to the wife.

I've seen it happen a few times.

So sorry this has happened to you OP. The shock must have been awful and in a lot of ways the effect on someone is not unlike that of a bereavement.

I find hating people who've wronged me very healing, but I get that it's not for everyone, so here's which should help.

Her child is a teen who will head off to a new life in a few years. He would never take on anyone else's children. He has little interest on his own. He is incredibly selfish as a person but I absolutely enabled that. Mea culpa.

You will go around in circles trying to make sense of it. It doesn’t make sense he made a commitment to you and your family.

Stop with the “all his needs were met” you are strolling into the “what did I do” territory. This is not on you.

All his needs were me he may justify an affair with you smothered him or there was no chase.
If you gave him space he may say you didn’t meet my needs/ care enough.
If you had a lot of sex he may say you were too demanding.
All bullshit excuses to justify his shitty behaviour. The fact is HE decided to cheat and walk out on his family. The blame lies with him.

It’s going to hurt for a while, I’m sorry about that. Then it won’t so much. Then it won’t at all. Take it a day at a time.

So sorry you're going through this, op.

You're entitled to feel what you feel, anger will help

and galvanise you to plan a future where you're in charge.

It's tough but you're going to come through this, op.

Have you got support irl who you can rely on?

As ChocolateDove said Op ...