Screaming child visiting during lockdown...

[lamppost1]

We have new next door neighbours and they have a balcony that overlooks the garden. Over the last couple of weeks, another couple with a small child visit their garden for 1-3 hours a day. Our neighbour sits on the balcony and chats to the visitors whilst they use the garden/paddling pool.

Their kid screams constantly. The parents chase the kid to make it scream, and do absolutely nothing to stop it screaming... they almost encourage it.

My two issues:

1. I assume this is against lockdown rules? But if they are coming from a flat and/or have no outside space, I do understand why they'd do this. Especially when the weather is nice.

However....

1. The screaming is driving me mad. I have a 7 month old DD and it's waking her up from naps and I can hear it inside with windows /doors closed... it's relentless and not limited to warm days, they come nearly every day. I don't Kline shouting/laughing etc.. all kids make noise, but the screaming constantly is horrendous!

I'm not confrontational and if I didn't have a child, I'd probably just turn they tv/radio up and ignore it. But lockdown is hard enough without an overtired baby!

AIBU to find this pretty unacceptable...? Tbh I'm such a wimp I'd probably never say anything, but need to vent!

@HavelockVetinari Some people have DC who are screamers - it's really really annoying, but they can't stop it
I completely disagree with this. I childmind for a child who screams and the parents encourage it. They often pick up and do something to encourage a scream (tickle their child or turn them upside down or play a little joke or whatever and when child screams, laugh about it). They seem to find it absolutely adorable that their child does this. I don’t and I know the vast majority of other people don’t either (based on looks I get when child does it in public). If the child screams in my garden they get a warning and then inside. If they do it inside, again a warning and then if they do it again, taken away from activity. The child gets it and goes through phases where they scream a lot, get removed from what they are doing and then stops doing it for a few weeks. So it is perfectly possible to train a child not to scream. This child does get that my house is no screaming but that her parents allow it when they are with her.

Surely the first step is a very polite chat along the lines of "You probably don't realise, but we hear the screaming from your garden really clearly even inside the house, and it's disturbing the baby. Would it be possible to arrange things so that your friends aren't out in the garden between X and Y when the baby usually sleeps, or that if they are outside the play is kept quiet?"

Only start getting stroppy if they won't agree to that. But there's no need to start a war if you can resolve the problem amicably.

There’s a child a few houses away from us who’s a shrieker. I think she’s about 7 or 8. Once she gets going it goes on and on for hours, and is ear destroyingly loud and high pitched. I’d love to shout over the fences to her to shut up, but a) I’m a wimp who hates confrontation; and b) I’m not sure that my voice would even carry that far. It must be a hell of a lot worse being directly next door.

This is NOT driving to someone else's house to use their garden for 1 - 3 hours and using a paddling pool ! Yup it seems many people are pretty stupid ! Let's hope you're not like the local guy here who was letting his children play with others in neighbouring gardens and his father is now dead from coronavirus !
The OP does not mention them turning up in a car. They might live round the corner. They are described as playing on their own as a family, not with anyone else; the people who own the garden are following the rules and staying well out of the way.

Which rules do you think this is breaking?

I think if you speak to them, rather than 'confront' them, you can ask if it is possible to keep it quiet. No need to demand it. Then there is space for the neighbours to say whether their visiting child has a neurodivergence or another issue that makes the screaming harder to control. If they come back to you with an excellent reason then you might find it easier to put up with. I take your point about the baby sleeping though, that is particularly hard to manage.
Anyway, speak to them - don't confront them!

@ravenmum
The OP said they come in a car and park it on the drive. So the max time they should be there is an hour!

I wouldn't do it for hours (or more than a couple of minutes) or early in the morning, but are some of you saying you would literally never play a game (like tickling) with a toddler which would make them scream with laughter? Would literally never, ever allow a game like a water fight that might involve a brief shriek? Because, frankly, I think that's quite sad.

Havelock Of course you can stop a child screaming, you simply tell them that is wont be tolerated and screaming is only allowed if someone is trying to hurt them. I had a child start in my Pre-school class who would out of the blue let out a blood curdling scream for no reason at all, she done it twice and was told in no uncertain terms that she wasnt to do it again. Her Mum was so grateful that her 3 year old child stopped screaming a dozen times a day..Just tell them no, simples

It really isn't 'simples' for every child.

It really isn't 'simples' for every child

True enough but it sounds like the parents in question are winding the child up, chasing, roaring etc.

If someone splashed me with paddling pool water I think I'd scream right now !
.

"Hi neighbour, when your friends come round to use the garden their child screaming really carries inside our house and the noise is stopping my baby napping. Could you ask them to come at x time or y time instead and keep the noise down a bit? Thanks"

All this Report them! Turn them in! stuff - what is wrong with people Literally gleeful at the thought of informing on your neighbours at the very first opportunity.

@LisaSimpsonsbff absolutely no issue with playing and causing shrieks/giggles/the odd scream.. I think it's nice they play with the child and he's not left to his own devices, but it really is constant. It seems that once they've done something to start the screaming off, the little boy continues doing it regardless for pretty much the entire time.

Do you just let them do anything they want? Put their hands in boiling water? Fingers in the plug socket? Running across the road? No - you’d stop them in no uncertain terms.

@Wearywithteens did you read my post? You can stop all of those things physically. How do you physically stop screaming?

No one seems able to answer that one.

Yabu. Let the toddler enjoy some fresh air and exercise.

And for what it's worth both my DH and I hate the screaming. I have been known to wear earplugs and it often reduces me to tears (or shouting).

It really isn't 'simples' for every child

But that doesn't mean it can't be taught. It's whether or not the parents want to put in the hard and possibly very time-consuming effort to teach their child not to scream/hit/bite/snatch things. Or whether they just want to throw up their hands after a few tries and say "What can I do? They're an '".

The lessons taught now will stand in very good stead when your children are older. Mine were not angels by any means, but they were never deliberately hurtful nor cruel. And neither of them ever truly defied us when we said 'no'. They'd argue, sure, what child or teen doesn't plus healthy debate and 'give and take' in discussion is part of being a good member of society. They learnt to reason and put their case to us and yes, sometimes they got us to change our minds. But if we didn't, neither of them ever called us nasty names or outright did what they wanted over our objections.

No one ever said parenting was easy.

I answered that @nanbread.

The answer is individual to your child. You have to find what works. It's not a 'one size fits all' problem. You have to try and keep on trying until you find the solution.

@lamppost1sorry, that wasn't really aimed at you - I agree with you that this sounds like it's going on too long and so is inconsiderate (though I very much endorse a gentle approach not the aggressive stuff some people have suggested). It was more aimed at posters like @Maryann1975 who is full of contempt at the idea that a parent might tickle or turn their child upside down and so encourage them to - gasp! - briefly make a loud noise. That just seems so fucking joyless (presumably the parents who pay your wages don't know how much you despise them having fun with their child?)

Short of stuffing a sock in his mouth how can I actually stop my screamy child from screaming?

Well whatever you do, you don't just sit there whilst your child is screaming for hours on end causing nuisance to your neighbours you go home, inside, stop doing the activity. You don't encourage it which is exactly what these parents sound like they are doing.

People seem to think it's very much 'I can't physically stop them screaming so 🤷 neighbours will just have to put up with it'. Surely you'd at least go inside/home?

"But that doesn't mean it can't be taught"

Perhaps you should come and give lessons on how to do it to all the staff at my son's specialist school because there are teenagers there that are screamers.

I think there are two issues. The main one - which must be addressed and which must be reported - is that these people have no right to be there and are potentially spreading the virus.

I am horrified by the point that the parent[s] chase the child to make it scream. What sort of parent does that and has no concept of how it affects others. Usually - and I do not hold myself out as a model parent - it starts with parents leaving it too late. Start at an early age and you at least have a hope of deterring "bad habits"

@lamppost1

If they are stick.in a flat all day then it's reasonable to let off steam for a bit.

I am not really getting this. I am sure that locally police are telling locals NOT to drive somewhere to go a walk or exercise. Didn't this feature on the news? I am pretty sure I shouldn't drive to my dd's garden and begin exercising there, perhaps taking my dogs.

So, there are two issues here; one is should they be driving to another person's property/garden to exercise (their child). No.
Two, should they allow the child to continually scream. The answer is no, because it is selfish and annoying not just to you but to others in the area.

Whilst you don't want to get off on the wrong foot with new neighbours, they clearly are not concerned about you. Sorry.

Nanbread - you deal with it every time they do it

But - I DO deal with it, every time. Remove him from the situation, explain why it's not acceptable, put him in another room, change tack to try to avoid the screaming happen in the first place, ignore it, offer cuddles, distractions, etc. I can't force someone to stop screaming!

I've stopped him hitting and biting so I know what to do.

But screaming - he still does it daily, more than four years later, as part of regular tantrums / meltdowns. It's not something he's doing for fun, ffs. It is slightly improving with age, but he's been a screamer since the day he was born.